(set: $blockImageVisible to true) <div class="note-text">
she's here.
meet me at [(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[our spot]]].
p.s. someone should teach
creepy cr4dle-r0bb3r [(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[a lesson]]]
about harrassing
little girls(text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
<img id="cdPlayerPlayer" src="https://imgur.com/ZK84nw1.png">
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your spot was
in a girls bathroom stall,
in a dirty pocket of space just under the sink,
tagged with your initials.
there you skipped class
to play m.a.s.h,
and mermaids,
and sometimes,
girlfriends.
the squeak of her converse
on body-fluid stained floors,
sounded like a beacon,
you ran for her.
then,
(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[a bloodcurdling scream]](text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
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</style>](set: $blockImageVisible to false)(set: $ageFifteenIcons to true) <div class="womanhood-text">
//midnight struck.//
profound perplexities and muddled meekness
gracelessly dance along the edges of your mind.
tempers twinged in a staining shame,
pliant and pining and purblind.
you yearn for a yin and yang, and yet,
wade through the waters of the wary,
endless external expectations,
you are your abject adversary.
burdened but beguiled by burning,
pacing paths unforeseen,
trudge and tread and turn,
today you are [(text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[fifteen]]](text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
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(set:$loginButtonsVisible to false)
<img id="textBox1" src="https://i.imgur.com/QFLNdSI.png">
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=|=
<div class="login-text">
//midnight struck. //
existentially dreadful and misunderstood,
your white matter sheathed in forged fires,
for in the deepest crevices of hell,
lay your innermost desires.
innocent eyes and their iridescent shine,
ousted to eerie silence,
the tempest’s centerpiece,
in your wake exists only violence.
once doe-eyed and never quite a doe,
a fawn desperate to be seen,
you peer down the barrel of a gun.
today, you are (text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[thirteen|thirteen1]](text-style: "blink") [|]
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<script>
$('#triggerWarning').hide();
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(set:$notifButtonsVisible to true)
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'https://i.imgur.com/0cNTtJh.png', // Notepad
'https://i.imgur.com/bGfx1as.png', // Doodles
'https://imgur.com/5xDAtsj.png', // Music popup
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(set: $blockImageVisible to true) <div class="ritual-text">
(set:$ritual to true)
screw your mom’s wrath. you’re //not// passing up a rite of passage ritual.
you’re taking womanhood into your own extremely capable hands.
you gather around in a fire pit in dedgirl’s backyard
since her parents haven’t been home for months,
you have the whole wicked place to yourselves.
the offerings are delicately stacked
on a rusty metal chair.
hands intertwined,
you wait for dedgirl to begin the invocation.
“i call upon…” she hesitates, looking around the circle.
“artemis, aphrodite, hecate, persephone, and i don’t know,
probably satan.”
“to witness the offering of our girlhood,
made in woe,
through desperation,
let us be strong sixes…
or a ten for reparation.”
you all hum in agreement.
(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[ [[dedgirl]]] retrieves her offer and steps towards the altar for her declaration.(text-style: "blink")[|]
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<script>
$('#textMessage1Video').remove();
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<img id="textBox30" src="https://imgur.com/eGkrYt2.png">
<img id="textBox31" src="https://imgur.com/fBfopbn.png">
<div class="bestiechat-text">
(live: 1s)[''mermaiden666:'' did u see the group chat?] (stop:)
(live: 2s)[''mermaiden666: ''they wanna do the rite of passage 2nite] (stop:)
(live: 2.5s)[''mermaiden666:'' (-.-)] (stop:)
(live: 4s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''y the fuck did we agree 2 that again ] (stop:)
(live: 5s)[''mermaiden666:'' bc we’re 2 dumb bitches telling each other “exactlyyyyy” all the time ] (stop:)
(live: 6.5s)[''mermaiden666:'' what do we do? ur mom might actually murder u if she finds out] (stop:)
(live: 8s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''we can try dislocating your knee again] (stop:)
(live: 9s)[''mermaiden666: ''lol die.] (stop:)
(live: 10s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th:'' don’t tempt me w/ a good time] (stop:)
(live: 11s)[''mermaiden666:'' omg i got it] (stop:)
(live: 12s)[''mermaiden666: ''u sleep over ] (stop:)
(live: 13s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''okayyyy] (stop:)
(live: 14s)[''mermaiden666: ''we dip my sister’s tampon into a ketchup bottle] (stop:)
(live: 15.5s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''not sure where this is going] (stop:)
(live: 17s)[''mermaiden666: ''we say u got ur period] (stop:)
(live: 18s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th:'' ..................genius] (stop:)
(live: 19s)[''mermaiden666:'' exactlyyyyyyy] (stop:)
(live: 20s)[[[<img id="exactlyButton" src="https://imgur.com/QkjbwuM.png">->exactlyyyyyyy]]](stop:)
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<script>(set: $blockImageVisible to true) <div class="dedgirl-text">
nothing happens.
literally nothing,
the flames flutter across your oily, sweat-slicked faces.
(text-colour:#2c2350)[no artemis, (click: "no artemis,")[
no aphrodite,] (click: "no aphrodite,")[
no hecate,] (click: "no hecate,")[
no persephone,] (click: "no persephone,")[
not even satan (disappointing).] (click: "not even satan (disappointing).")[
a (text-style: "buoy")[[grievous]] silence fills the circle,
the air grows rancid
with resentment(text-style: "blink")[|]]]
</div>
<img id="textBox8" src="https://imgur.com/YdrnQXW.png">
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</style>](set: $blockImageVisible to true) <div class="dedgirl-text">
she was like a reflection
in a cracked mirror.
older now,
mature,
like a real woman.
a ghost of the girl
you once were.
still she was a memory inherited like folklore
to each of your parting daughter cells,
in bone and blood you recognize her.
even with,
no colored braces to match her socks,
no doodles of ink on her hands,
no beads of friendship bracelets on her wrist.
even if,
her eyeliner wasn't uneven,
her lipgloss wasn't permanently stuck to her hair,
her mascara wasn't raining down like clumps of dandruff.
she is you.
and you, [(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[killed your best friend]]](text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
<img id="textBox22" src="https://imgur.com/eLuJyBy.png">
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</style>](set: $blockImageVisible to true) <div class="dedgirl-text">
honestly, hotter-older-you isn't important,
at least, not right now.
not when your best friend,
lays face down in the her own blood.
could it be someone else's blood, maybe?
no, she's literally dead.
you crawl towards her and turn her over.
her entrails spill,
tied in a perfect bow,
just like the ones she wore in her hair.
you attempt to stop the bleeding but
it soaks your hands and skirt.
you look up at her sweet face,
brushing a strand of matted hair away.
cold fingers clasped around yours,
pulling you closer,
as the knife sunk to the hilt,
between your ribs.
you looked down at her, baffled.
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[how could she?]](text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
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(set:$notifButtonsVisible to false)
[<video id= "login" video removecontrols width="25vw" autoplay muted preload="auto"<video src="https://i.imgur.com/d0BAD00.mp4">]
[[[<img id="startButton" src="https://i.imgur.com/U9yUHWw.png">->login]]]
<style>
body, html {
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#login {
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</style>(set: $ageFifteenIcons to true) <div class="spin-text">
"kiss! kiss! kiss!"
you sit crisscross applesauce,
before an empty bottle
and a chanting crowd of teenagers.
scientifically speaking,
this is always a terrible place to be.
today, peer pressure is about a boy.
one who very much wants to plant one on you.
you think you might be okay with that?
just, maybe not like this?
a public first kiss is a recipe for disaster.
we’ll call him mr.br1ghts1de,
because he’s absolutely pumped about these prospects.
he promptly removed the rubber bands
from his late-stage braces,
and sprayed what you can only hope
was strychnine into his mouth.
is this really going to happen?
(text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[hell yeah]]
(text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[tell him how you really feel]](text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
<img id="textBox26" src="https://imgur.com/InOBxdF.png">
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it was perfect.
the joining of two young lips, teeth first.
your lips overly saturated in strawberry lip smackers,
meeting the chapped, dangling crisps of his,
it was a glorious, asynchronous moment in time.
his braces snagging on the soft fleshy bits of your mouth,
drawing the gentlest
drop of blood.
shared between the two of you.
your tongue caressing his uvula
it was a moment of pure ecstasy.
that was a (text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[huge success]],
(text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy") [[right?]](text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
<img id="textBox27" src="https://imgur.com/l9aU3JV.png">
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you punch him dead in his face.
mr.br1ghts1de barrels back and hits the ground.
his nose gives way under your fist
with an unforgettable crunch.
he’s gushing out of his face as the people cheer.
mr.br1ghts1de passes out.
of course, blood makes him queasy.
he’s pathetic, and you’re bored.
so it’s time for a (text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[smoke break]](text-style: "blink")[|]
(set:$girl to true)
</div>
<img id="textBox28" src="https://imgur.com/JLWN96C.png">
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you're in a daze.
you've just had your first kiss.
like a real adult.
you're relieved to have gotten that out of the way.
now you can move on to the real mature stuff.
like (text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[true love]](text-style: "blink")[|]
(set:$boy to true)
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you’re not sure.
it was just a game of spin the bottle.
it’s not that serious.
right?
you can feel every eye in the room,
beady against your hot cheeks,
toothy smiles etched with plaque,
and wolf whistles,
rang about the room.
you were somehow both,
fresh meat,
and spoiled goods.
you saw yourself,
caked in mold,
and rot,
a lamb offered up on a platter,
(text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[for the taking]](text-style: "blink")[|]
(set:$nonbinary to true)
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you pull out the single marlboro
you snagged from your dad to look cool. <!--old habits die hard.-->
you twirl it between your fingers,
waiting for someone to pass by,
so they can see how cool you are.
you’re so cool.
an ominous figure approaches you,
so you fumble with the lighter.
it’s ch3rry-p0pp3rs, the girl from your english class
that always makes you nervous.
"that was sick,” she says,
“you like totally ruined his life just now.”
you shrug nonchalantly.
casually, holding the cig between you and her.
“you know,” she leans in close,
“those things will kill ya.”
then she puts the cherry of the cigarette in her mouth, and inhales.
you’re so close to each other
that you might actually be trembling.
get a grip.
she blows the smoke into your face with a smile,
“meet me (text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[after class]] next week.”(text-style: "blink")[|]
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at home,
you’re jumping up and down on your bed
like a fool.
ch3rry-p0pp3rs is so cool.
you will literally never be that cool.
you’ll need to start doing straight-up drugs to be that cool.
you creep toward the family computer,
quietly so you don’t wake your parents.
the blinking cursor mocks you,
but it’s nothing compared to the tiny,
insurmountable pixel letters,
a truth in plain sight.
your traitorous brain
reads,
(text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy") [[girls kissing]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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you are astonishingly sweaty.
your armpits are drenched, and your hands
are almost wrinkled by the amount
of sweat seeping out of your glands.
you retch violently in a nearby trash can.
if this isn't nerve-wracking enough,
now there are small chunks of vom in your hair.
perfect.
ch3rry-p0pp3rs is waving at you from across the library.
you fight the urge to run away.
you go in for a handshake, she goes in for a hug.
it's weird.
everyone is smiling uncomfortably.
"uh, your nose is bleeding," she says.
you realize, instantly, there is a profuse stream
of blood flowing from your nose onto your lips
and down your chin,
into the vomit-y sweat stains on your shirt.
she wipes off some of the blood,
but not before inspecting it on her hand
and tasting a sample.
yes, tasting.
you look at her, utterly dumbfounded.
hello?
ch3rry-p0pp3rs kisses you,
making sure to taste as much blood as possible.
you don't know what the hell is happening,
is this (text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[true love]]?(text-style: "blink")[|]
</div>
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(set: $ageSeventeenIcons to true) <div class="seventeen-text">
//midnight struck.//
a mind’s eye eclipsed by enamor,
visions curtained in a white veil,
blinking back boundaries,
traded to the tenderest tall tale.
to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn,
betrayals burrowing to the bone's brim,
challenging the wisps of your wearying worth,
you feel that loss like a phantom limb.
knots are for nooses,
when true love is to demean,
you’ll hang by your own besottedness,
today, you are (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[seventeen]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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it was the point of no return.
entirely reflexive,
you couldn’t help it,
mr.br1ghts1de's eyes are wide with
inevitable horror.
reliving the smell of his saliva,
makes you gag.
the touch of his lips,
makes you gag.
his sloppy wet tongue,
makes you gag.
again.
and again.
your body revolts against your choices,
like a wild bucking bull.
laughter trickles around you,
and the sting of your stomach acid proves
that (text-colour:#0f261b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[true love]] will never come easy(text-style: "blink")[|]
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(if:$boy is true)[<div class="seventeen1-text">
(live: 1s)[''b1urr3d-l1in3s'': we need to talk](stop:)
(live: 2s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th'': …what’s up??](stop:)
(live: 3.5s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''bae?](stop:)
(live: 4.5s)[''b1urr3d-l1in3s:'' chillaxxxxx](stop:)
(live: 5.5s)[''b1urr3d-l1in3s:'' ur stupid sexy that’s all. ](stop:)
(live: 6.5s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''lol stopppp you scared me](stop:)
(live: 8s)[''b1urr3d-l1in3s: ''send me a pic?](stop:)
(live: 9s)[''b1urr3d-l1in3s: ''has sent an image.](stop:)
(live: 10s)[[[<img id="replyButton" src="https://imgur.com/ZFhjCQO.png">->b1urr3d-l1in3s]]](stop:)
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(if:$nonbinary is true)[<div class="seventeen2-text">
(live: 1s)[''4phyxi4te:'' this is gonna sound crazy but…](stop:)
(live: 2s)[''4phyxi4te: ''i miss u](stop:)
(live: 3s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''omggggg no bc i miss you more](stop:)
(live: 4.5s)[''4phyxi4te: ''we just saw each other but like](stop:)
(live: 5.5s)[''4phyxi4te: ''i’m so obsessed w/ u](stop:)
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(if:$girl is true)[<div class="seventeen2-text">
(live: 1s)[''t3gan-n-sara: ''you’re so beautiful.](stop:)
(live: 2s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''no u are, omg stoppppp](stop:)
(live: 3s)[''t3gan-n-sara: ''i’m serious you’re like everything to me](stop:)
(live: 4s)[''bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th: ''promise u mean it](stop:)
(live: 5s)[''t3gan-n-sara: ''promise x10](stop:)
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(set: $ageSeventeenIcons to true) <div class="seventeen-text">
you have a boyfriend.
he is one of the only people
that sees you for who you are.
his affection for you is unconditional.
to him, you are unequivocally
the most gorgeous person to roam this earth.
he spends most evenings pondering your brilliance,
the complexities of your mental infrastructure,
also occasionally,
your boobs,
and your other clever orifices,
but only occasionally, though,
the rest of you takes priority in his book,
even if it’s a short story.
you're not like other girls, he claims.
you're different, and he has never felt this way
about anyone else.
and you love him. wholeheartedly.
he excites every fiber of your being.
you are plagued with constant thoughts of him.
he's a drug.
and you're euphoric in his wake. this is the (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[love of your life]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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you have a partner.
they are all consumed,
by the thought of you.
your very essence is the nectar
that keeps them grounded to this earth.
they spend their days enraptured by
your every decision.
curious to the intricacies that make you tick,
they envision dismantling you like a pocket watch,
to see every little detail bit by bit,
though sometimes only to know where you are,
and who you’re with.
and what you’re doing.
only sometimes.
you are the lake, and they are narcissus.
you are a divine possession to be kept,
and they the beholder.
this is your (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[forever love]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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you have a girlfriend.
she cherishes you
with every fiber of her existence.
she is everything,
your most trusted confidant.
she daydreams of
your gentle nature,
the inner workings of
your lived experiences,
new ways to call you her close friend,
and an exit strategy,
if things go south from there.
the latter is a very small fraction of the time
you think.
you are truly one of a kind, she claims.
she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.
and you love her. unconditionally.
she has peered into your soul,
unlike anyone else ever could.
you are captivated by her every move,
every choice,
every opinion.
this is your (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[first and last true love]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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"this way," blurr3d-1in3s says,
you enter an empty classroom,
with blood rushing in your ears.
are you excited? are you uneasy?
what if someone walks in?
last period ended a little over an hour ago,
so you’re both staying later than
you anticipated.
you smile.
he smiles.
he kisses you, passionately.
you kiss him.
the passion builds. you feel happy.
excited.
in love.
he pulls away
and looking deep into your eyes, he says
can you..." he gestures down at himself.
(text-colour:#260f0f)[you look down. (click: "you look down.")[
oh.] (click: "oh.")[ //(text-style: "buoy")[[oh]]//(text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "blink")[|]]]
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“janitor’s closets are heaven for the horny,” you joked,
clicking the door shut behind you.
t3gan-n-sara rolled her eyes but grinned,
“aren’t all closets?”
you smile as she backs you into the door
for a fleeting kiss.
some lunch periods are meant to be spent in
dark, damp the custodian closet,
talking about your futures
with lips and limbs intertwined.
“i can’t wait to move in together,
after graduation,” she whispered against your earlobe.
“i think i want to tell my parents about us,” you blurt.
her breath hitches against your skin,
before leaving altogether.
“stop talking,” she says,
and (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[you damn well do]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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their fingers threaded gently
through your hair,
one hand on the steering wheel,
and you have never in your life,
wanted someone more.
desire was a hot spike
to the hypothalamus.
the warm trace slid
to the back of your neck
coaxing a shiver
as the car slowed to a red-lit stop.
the wrath of a god
couldn’t have held your body away
from the center console,
where you shared a deep kiss.
in their arms, you felt as
innocent as a (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[baby deer]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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love is bitter on the tongue,
but it’s anger that suspends you above two great chasms.
an abandon of hellfire and (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[fight]]
or
a hellscape of black ice to (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[freeze]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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a pair of scissors lay on the teacher’s desk,
your fingers graze their smooth blades lovingly.
blurr3d-1in3s is too busy hyping himself up,
a dopey smile on his face.
you're revolted.
what a loser.
you slink over to him,
twinkling with mischief.
his eyes are bright with lust and excitement.
pathetic.
centimeters from his lips,
with your breath swirling as one,
you sink the scissors deep into his neck.
release is a blood eruption and guttural scream.
"coercion is assault, you fucking rat."
(text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[you spit in his face|next chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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you peer through the two-way mirror,
watching distantly, as blurr3d-1in3s packs himself away,
with the vigor of someone newly minted.
he approaches her unmoving body,
planting a kiss on her forehead,
and whispering in her ear.
you can’t hear it,
but you know,
“thank you for trying.”
you walk towards the pink comforter
of your rickety twin bed,
tucking yourself deep into the dusty stuffed animals,
but still seeing through the looking glass.
she slides to the floor as the classroom door shuts,
forehead to the tiles,
but eyes open,
(text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[she’s looking through the glass, too|next chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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//midnight struck.//
a woman scorned, sorry, and sour,
wild, wanton, and wreathed in woe,
you live to die little deaths,
and muffle the memories from times ago.
those wounds whisper words to the wise,
the washed-up, and the wasted,
its tone as taunting and tart,
as a cursed pomegranate is to be tasted.
from the pits of tartarus, she thrashes,
a woman lost, where the gods cannot convene
when did you lose your way, you wonder?
today, you are (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[nineteen]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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it really was heaven,
in your little haven,
a moment in time
with no other distractions,
each day, you fall deeper in love
with this little secret,
it was just as this thought twirled
around your mind,
that the door burst open.
there was no time to scatter,
though t3gan-n-sara definitely tried,
your limbs were too knotted,
and it was too dark.
(text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[until it wasn’t]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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the fluorescent white light beat down
over your petrified faces.
then the guilt sunk in,
because you felt relieved that
finally,
someone would know about you two.
t3gan-n-sara did not share your sentiment,
the girls behind the door were her friends.
the ones you would hang out with,
just to be near her.
in the calm before the chaos
there was a stark silence.
so chillingly still, it thickened the air around you.
it broke when t3gan-n-sara screamed, “it was a dare!”
she scrambled towards the door
where the towering figures of her friends stood.
your face went slack with shock,
“i told you guys she was fruity,” t3gan-n-sara laughed,
a strange, forced sound in your ears.
then, the high pitch of laughter
split through you,
shattering like a champagne glass.
you want to leave, run, (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[take flight]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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your body moves of its own volition.
one moment, you’re on the tiled floors,
and the next blur into a hallway, a metal door,
and then sun-soaked air.
you can’t inhale it into your frigid lungs,
as if a throbbing cyst lodged in your esophagus
has trapped in the swirl of
that shrill laughter
and that look of disgust inside of you.
your cells fill and reproduce with that laughter.
that disgust.
it courses through you like a new lifeline.
you want to regurgitate it,
chew on its vulnerable acid flesh,
and swallow it again.
(text-colour:#260f0f)[over, (click:"over,")[
and over,] (click:"and over,")[
and over. ]](click:"and over.")[
you want to keep flying,
because it is the only thing you can control,
the cysts and the cells will continue to fester,
until flying is the only part that’s (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[left of you|next chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]]
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the twinkling cacophony
that erupts from your phone,
slices through the moment.
you check it, slow and controlled,
it’s your mom,
sending more cryptic chain emails
to prevent your untimely death.
you slide the phone away,
but it’s too late,
the air had begun to slip, too.
eyes bore into your temple,
but you kept yourself steady,
“it’s just my mom,” you said, smiling.
the engine roar trembled beneath your feet,
the tires screeching
as you began to catapult down the road.
your heart jumped into your throat,
helpless to their jealousy as you were
to your inner (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[fawn]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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begging was the second hand that nature dealt you,
pleasing was the first.
“i’m sorry,” you whisper through the strain
of barreling old metal.
“what can i do?”
frustration settled into your bones,
you need to know what to do,
what to give-
“roll down the window,” they say, eerily calm.
you eagerly comply, swelling with relief with
each rolling motion of the crank.
the wind is whipping your hair into a storm,
debris into your eyes and nose.
(text-colour:#502323)["throw your phone."]<phone0|
(click: "throw your phone.")[(replace:?phone0)[you take it out of your pocket,
your mom's message idly sitting by.
[throw your phone.]<phone1|]]
(click: "throw your phone.")[(replace:?phone1)[you've been saving up for this model for over a year.
[throw your phone.]<phone2|]]
(click: "throw your phone.")[(replace:?phone2)[you were so proud of yourself.
[throw your phone.]<phone3|]]
(click: "throw your phone.")[(replace:?phone3)[your contacts, your photos, your messages.
[throw your phone.]<phone4|]]
(click: "throw your phone.")[(replace:?phone4)[you look at the window, then at them.
(text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[you throw your phone]](text-style: "blink")[|]] ]
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they smile,
and relief surrounds you like a warm blanket.
it battles against the sound of glass shattering
pavement at high speeds.
they slow down now,
to the speed limit,
you loosen a grip on the seat,
you hadn’t realized you had.
“see? was that so hard?”
they stroke your hair gently,
you smile,
and (text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[shake your head|next chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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the tattoo on your lower back,
the clink of metal ridden cartilage,
the dagger sharp eyes.
you screamed it into the sky,
the day you walked out of a little girl’s bedroom,
and into the world of a woman.
//i will never look back.//
the scar tissue may linger,
but the wounds of the past have healed over,
with or without you.
a wraith stepping out of her shackles,
(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[dead and reborn]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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you were tangled snarl of slick bodies
and strobe lights.
the sweat and sweet liquor
smelled like revolution.
(text-colour:#0f1326)[all you knew was sex,(click:"sex,")[
with your ex,] (click:"with your ex,")[
with your boss,] (click:"with your boss,")[
with your dealer,] (click:"with your dealer,")[
with a stranger.](click:"with a stranger.")[
all you needed was a fake id,] (click:"fake id,")[
a shot,](click:"a shot,")[
a joint,] (click:"a joint,")[
a mutual interest,](click:"a mutual interest,")[
an unsaved number,] (click:"an unsaved number,")[
an era of absolute
(text-style: "buoy")[[revenge]](text-style: "blink")[|]]]
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(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[she was older,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[maybe mid to late twenties,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[and she was wearing a blazer,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[for fucks sake.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[her gaze could pierce the skin,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[as she brought the glass to her lips,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you watched her drink it down ](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[gracefully. ](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[she brought the skewered olive,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[to your lips,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[and approved of whatever she saw,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[when you swallowed.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[this dirty bathroom stall was beneath her,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[but it made no difference,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[when you were the one (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[on your knees]](text-style: "blink")[|]](stop:)]
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it was the leather jacket,
that did it for you.
their hair was long, a little shaggy,
but it worked.
everything about them
worked.
overtime,
if your hormones had anything to say about it
they smiled with amusement,
like they knew something you didn’t,
and knocked back the whiskey sour.
the bob of their throat,
caused you to swallow reflexively.
you stole the cherry garnish,
and popped it into your mouth.
they stole back the stem,
tying it into a knot
with their (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[tongue]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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(if:$girl is true)[<div class="whiskeysour-text">
it was the leather jacket,
that did it for you.
their hair was long, a little shaggy,
but it worked.
everything about them
worked.
overtime,
if your hormones had anything to say about it
they smiled with amusement,
like they knew something you didn’t,
and knocked back the whiskey sour.
the familiarity hit you so suddenly.
the movement of ch3rry-p0pp3rs throat,
caused you to swallow reflexively.
they look so different. fucking good.
you stole the cherry garnish,
and popped it into your mouth.
they stole back the stem,
tying it into a knot
with their (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[tongue|tongue cp]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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it wasn’t every day,
you spot a cowboy at a club.
his boots were scuffed,
his hat shadowed his eyes,
but when he smiled politely,
you had a realization.
it was mr.br1ghts1de thanking you earnestly
when you passed him the beer.
your hands brushed,
and you saw the wedding band,
but still it was mr.br1ghts1de's fingers
rough against your palm.
he knew, you knew
and that was really all it took,
to find your way out
to his old (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[chevy truck]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[vulnerability was no longer](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[a risk you were willing to take.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you gave because taking](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[was not worth the price.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[the hand in your hair gripped](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[tight as a taught string](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[ready to snap over the edge.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you were awed that someone](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[seeming so composed](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[from across the bar,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[could come undone](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[with nothing but a rickety wood door](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[between them](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[and the rest of the world.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[now that was revenge.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[but what would you do if you were caught?](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[fight or fly?](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[freeze or fawn?](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[what would she do?]](text-style: "blink")[|]](stop:)]
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(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you stayed kneeling once it was over,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[distantly trapped in a cage of memories](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[and power plays.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you resented this cage.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you tried to psycho-analyze yourself out of it,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[but the alcohol made you too hazy](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[to do anything but relive.](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you felt soft paper against your palm,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[and knew the woman had stepped out of the stall. ](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[it was a twenty-dollar bill, ](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[whether for the drink, ](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[or everything else,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[you truly did not want to know. ](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[revenge looked different from down here,](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[when you’re the one left](stop:)]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[kneeling in (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[a stranger's piss|final chapter1]](text-style: "blink")[|]](stop:)]
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(set: $ageTwentyOneIcons to true) <div class="twenty1-text">
happy birthday.
it’s the last one you’ll have that will matter.
it’s time to grow up,
because your life will only get sadder,
if you're clinging onto the past.
tuck in your inner child,
only wake them for your on-and-off therapy sessions,
so you can be reviled.
that means no more angst,
and no more rage,
you’re not a teenager anymore,
be content in your gilded cage.
you have a work email,
and savings account.
you cry in the shower,
because you think time is running out for you.
and it is.
wasn't this fun?
today, you are (text-colour:#3b3b3b)+(text-style: "buoy")[[twenty-one]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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it thrummed powerfully
between your thighs
riding fast with reckless abandon,
you love motorcycles.
the world flew by in blurs,
with your arms wrapped
around their waist.
your face was pinked
and your eyes watery
by the time you pulled up to your place.
you sat steadied on the motorcycle,
tongues intertwined,
under flickering yellow streetlamps.
(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[come inside]], you whisper(text-style: "blink")[|]
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you kissed until your lips were sore,
he was still good at this,
and he didn’t take the hat off to do it.
weird, but you kinda liked that.
the callouses on his finger pads and palms,
sent shivers down your spine.
you thought his boots and
the dirt smudges on his jeans.
you were mildly surprised,
that the blue-collar look was working for you.
//oh how far we've come.//
less surprised when he asked,
if you’d suck him off.
you declined,
he shrugged it off,
and grabbed a (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[condom]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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it quickly became another
out-of-body experience
after that.
mr.br1ghts1de was enthusiastic,
which was flattering,
but never going to get you
anywhere near a climax.
you closed your eyes
and tried anyway.
tried to believe this was what
girls your age did.
what (text-colour:#0f1326)[they]<you|(click:"they")[(replace:?you)[you]] enjoyed.
sleeping with strangers
was fun,
(text-colour:#0f1326)[it didn’t remind you of your past,(click:"it didn’t remind you of your past,")[
it didn’t frustrate you,]]
it felt good,
(text-colour:#0f1326)[you were having a good time,(click:"you were having a good time,")[
you always had a good time,]]
this was (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[your prime]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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he got off,
you made some vague noises,
and pretended you did, too.
once mr.br1ghts1de regained composure,
you patted his shoulder,
gave him a parting kiss,
and walked yourself home.
feeling completely
and utterly,
(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[alone|final chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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a best friend is a getaway car,
she is a confessions booth,
and a lover in its purest form.
when you fray,
she sews,
the strands of her hair thread through the needle,
that stitch you back together.
when she wilts,
you sow,
the seeds of your baby teeth into the soil,
that grounds her to this earth.
you are as much hers as she is yours,
two intertwining beings blended by belonging,
and you have never had anything so precious.
under the light of plastic glowing stars,
you take an oath by blood,
pinky fingers at knifepoint.
you vow to cling to this home built in girlhood,
(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[forevermore]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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(set: $blockImageVisible to true) <div class="lesson-text">
you are not known
for your good decision-making skills.
you abruptly launch yourself
up from your chair,
completely forgeting that
your teacher is standing over you.
your cranium slams into his chin,
snapping his jaw shut,
with a crunch.
it's such a shame, really,
that this had to happen,
when he was looking down at you,
and licking his lips.
blood pooled out
from the seam of his mouth,
a chunk of flesh drops between your feet
in a squishy plop.
you bend to retrieve it,
it's slimy and wet,
against your open palm.
you close your fingers around
the nub of your teacher's tongue,
and smile,
as you slip it into your [(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[pocket|our spot]]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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denial is a dreary dead girl,
mummified in her post-mortification, her untimely loss.
her reality stilled and stiffened,
a rigor mortis of the mind.
none of this was real,
at least not her.
surely, the fates could not be so unkind.
but that string had long been cut,
signaling the end of her time,
the anger had taken hold
with her perfect pink manicured hand.
anger acted as a decomposer
with her words came a scraping, stinging slap,
//death has never saved a girl from a man’s attention,
if you’re still lucky,
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[they’ll bind your corpse girl legs tight]](text-style: "blink")[|] //
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anger is a flicker turned wildfire,
the ignition and indignation of sorrow,
like her pink velvet tracksuit caked
in the blood of another.
it was all too real to her,
she yearned for retribution
with flesh crusted underneath fingernails.
but converging points are destined to meet,
all that swells is destined
to succumb to puncture,
at desperate hands.
a bargain was made with her anger at the centerpiece,
a sickening squelch, severing, and sedating,
a hot poker sunk into the inviting cliff edge of her eye.
//you sold your soul
for strangers' fleeting affection,
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[and all you got was this d.i.y. lobotomy]](text-style: "blink")[|]//
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bargaining is a lovesick girl’s last-ditch,
a shallow grave thrums in her heart,
tiny quivering violin strings of regret,
it’s mournful melody, tinnitus for the mad.
her polluted perception paid any price,
when reality and delusions began to blend,
and she longed for her beloved’s return.
but to crave is not to attain,
and no amount of suffering she causes
can undo her pain,
though reason does not resonate with the resolute.
depression merely observed the horizons,
as the new bargain was all in,
all of her face in the fire pit.
//i scream and scream and yet,
i am a work of art,
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[edvard munch would be proud]](text-style: "blink")[|]//
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depression is a motherly figure,
a project of self-infliction
pining for slit skin,
to lead a victimless crime and a thankless existence.
the stakes of reality,
held no more real value,
then that of delusions past.
but suffering need not be peril,
when acceptance’s questionable choices,
are absolutely feral.
acceptance, you self-righteous bitch,
happy go lucky as you gamble on others,
your virtue signaled for all to see.
//i won’t hurt you, i accept you as you are,
now everyone else will too,
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[since i told them all about you]](text-style: "blink")[|]//
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acceptance is a savior complex,
forgiving and forgetting all the hurdles,
you merely walked around.
a race won without participation.
reality was the fists of denial to your throat, //you asked for it!//
angry claws to your eyes, //you’re overreacting!//
bargaining fire pressed to your cheeks, //love yourself!//
depressions in the form of cuts to your skin, //be happy!//
as a cross to a demon,
or a final offering,
with bloody mangled limbs, acceptance raises
the dirty, half-smoked cigarette.
the offering is lit with the flames of your sacrifices,
it’s the first hit, first coughing fit,
of the first cigarette,
of the rest of their lives.
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[[now, that’s womanhood |womanhood]](text-style: "blink")[|]]
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in her hands, she displays her lucky underwear.
sky blue, with the word //tuesday//
written across the back.
the elastic seams were stretched,
the fabric was frayed and ripped,
it was well-loved and well-worn.
cherished.
in a trembling voice, she continued.
//i smother my girlhood,
with my good luck piece,
in exchange for a boy’s attention to never cease.//
you politely snap your fingers,
as dedgirl throws her offering into the flames,
a single tear cascades down her cheek.
(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[l0b0t0-me]] steps up to the alter.(text-style: "blink")[|]
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her fingers wound in her collection of silly bandz,
so many silly bandz,
meticulously kept.
every shape and color,
existing within her reach.
it was her fixation.
obsessive.
she wailed like a banshee,
//i torch my girlhood,
with the collections of my heart,
to gain a face like a work of art.//
your senses were on overdrive between
the sound of luvsyck’s chalkboard screech,
and the smell of burning rubber.
finally, [(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[ms.andry]]] takes her place(text-style: "blink")[|]
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her clutches was a cd
of jennifer’s body,
violently overused.
unsurprisingly, since a specific scene
replayed on her dvr
until it rotted.
relatable.
she flinched as she spoke,
//i gouge my girlhood,
with the shards of my prized possession,
for the chance to desire openly without suppression. //
you exchange smirks,
an age-old bet has just been won,
you //knew// she was a lesbian.
it’s [(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[your turn]]] now(text-style: "blink")[|]
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you honestly had no idea
you were supposed to recite an incantation.
so you’re just gonna wing it.
your offering is a strawberry shortcake yarn doll,
your first ever toy
and the fiber of your youth.
it’s smells like tears,
and ham.
solid.
you clear your throat,
//i denounce my girlhood,
with this doll in bits,
all i ask for is a pair of massive tits. //
(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[ [[you toss your girlhood into the crackling flames]](text-style: "blink")[|]]
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she was familiar,
flicking a red lighter,
with blunt fingertips.
ms.andry’s gaze brought the strange fury of the past,
but her glass was raised to smiling lips,
you watched her drink it down
with practiced grace.
look at you now
she popped a skewered olive,
between your lips,
and approved of whatever she saw,
when you swallowed.
the bathroom stall was dingy,
but it was well worth the reparation
watching you repent
(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[on your knees|on your knees ms]](text-style: "blink")[|]</div>
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(if:$bestie is true)[ <div class="ginmartini-text">
she was hauntingly familiar,
and she was wearing a blazer
at a club,
for fucks sake.
mermaiden666’s gaze punctured like a wound,
she brought the martini to her lips,
you watched her, your childhood best friend,
drink it down,
newly gracefully.
it’s really you
she set the skewered olive,
against your lips,
and approved of whatever she saw,
when you swallowed.
this dirty bathroom stall was beneath her,
but it made no difference,
when she smiled so knowingly,
you were the one (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[on your knees|on your knees mm]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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tight in her grasp, she held her mp3 player.
bedazzled, baby pink with 300 songs
tucked inside.
each shimmering chorus
a sentence in her diary.
beloved.
through hiccupped tears, she began.
//i benumb my girlhood,
with the cords of my memoir,
so that i can be the most popular girl by far.//
l0b0t0-me’s offering ignites instantly,
sending a little burst of fire towards the heavens,
though her head hung low.
(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[ [[luvsyck]]] breathes in deeply, as she stands.(text-style: "blink")[|]
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it was an exceptionally tedious wednesday afternoon.
the sixth-period teacher,
we'll call him cr4dle-r0bb3r,
has successfully breached inconceivable levels of misery.
his wife left him,
again.
for fondling the babysitter,
again.
his classroom has a very strict policy
on our skirt lengths,
"upper-thigh will get you by,"
he always said in his thick coffee-stained breath.
his sticky, sweaty hands
always found traces of your bare skin.
but he was a devout teacher,
he was a standup guy,
he was
massaging your shoulders,
again.
an eerie feeling creeps up your spine,
for once, nothing to do with the fleshy adult man at your back.
your innards are knotted up into a noose,
you know you need to get out.
(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[a note was passed to your desk]](text-style: "blink")[|]</div>
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you whip your body full force
into the open stall,
and stop.
it was as if you stepped into a carcass,
encased by torture itself.
a scene made of anguish in it's absolute form.
and the //smell,//
sharp as a razorblade
and twice as metallic.
the blood was everywhere.
it flowed, clotted, dried.
it stained the grout between each tile.
as if sloughing from the walls around you.
you're covered in it, the inescapable reality of this.
your knees cave in,
the blood splatters on your face, your neck, your hair.
it cascades down your cheeks like tears.
then you are gutted,
by the sight of [(text-color:#2c2350)+(text-style:"buoy")[[her]]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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her face was suddenly mature,
hollow and defeated
as she twisted the knife,
the same one used
to make the oath.
in that moment,
you were truly bound in blood,
you were her,
and she was you.
in that moment,
there was only the cruel inevitability,
of [(text-colour:#2c2350)+(text-style: "buoy")[[womanhood]]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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|message>[]
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(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos * 30)+(t8n: 'instant'))[Hey there!]]a best friend is a getaway car
she is a confessions booth,
and a lover in its purest form.
when you fray,
she sews,
the strands of her hair thread through the needle,
that stitch you back together.
when she wilts,
you sow,
the seeds of your baby teeth into the soil,
that grounds her to this earth.
you are as much hers as she is yours,
two intertwining beings blended by belonging,
and you have never had anything so precious.
under the light of plastic glowing stars,
you take an oath by blood,
pinky fingers at knifepoint.
you vow to cling to this home built in girlhood,
forevermore|(set: $ageSeventeenIcons to true) <div class="seventeen-text">
you swallow uncomfortably before taking a breath.
he’ll understand, you tell yourself.
"sorry, i—don’t think i can," the guilt rises in your chest anyway.
you know you’re not ready for that.
especially not here.
“i don’t mind if you’ve never done it before,”
then, in your silence, he whispers,
"please, baby. i need this.”
you gaze at him, conflicted.
you don't want to do this.
and you don't want to upset him.
you love him.
"no, i'm sorry.”
"i love you..." he pulls you closer,
"and if you loved me, you would."
the sound of sliding metal belt buckles,
still haunts you.
(text-colour:#260f0f)+(text-style: "buoy")[[you love him]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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on your bed,
hedonism staked its claim.
with your fingers
wrapped around their neck,
and a joint in your other hand,
each hit takes you higher,
as you ground yourself to them.
a bike is a tool to be ridden,
it was a lesson
learned once,
and never forgotten,
so you ride (text-colour:#0f1326)[thoughtlessly, (click:"thoughtlessly,") [meanly, ](click: "meanly,") [selfishly.]]
until you can touch stars.
before you (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[plummet to the earth]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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//you can go//, you smile,
sending them on their way.
your room spun in the silence,
the stars you had worked hard for
had long been snuffed out,
and there was a wet spot
on your lumpy mattress.
you slept by the toilet that night,
waking up distantly to your own gagging,
heaving,
and retching.
your mouth tasted like cherries and bile,
and you reeked of someone
whose name you didn’t know.
//revenge//
you whispered
into the floating chunks
and (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[browning toilet water|final chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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(set: $ageNineteenIcons to true) <div class="nineteen1-text">you gave because taking
was not worth the price.
and because in this case,
it was only fair.
the grip in your hair was bruising,
tight as a taught string.
you were awed,
looking up at the scene,
at how far she’s come
undone by you.
nothing but a rickety wooden door
between her
and the rest of the world.
this was the true revenge,
(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[and it wasn’t even yours]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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you stayed kneeling once it was over,
sealed in a cage of memories,
desires, and regrets.
you resented this imprisonment of the past.
you tried to rationalize yourself out of it,
but the alcohol made you too hazy
to do anything but relive.
ms.andry wiped your chin,
purging the evidence,
patting your cheek,
and pushing past the stall door.
revenge takes a different shape down here,
when you’re the one left
kneeling in (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[a stranger's piss|final chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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vulnerability was no longer
a risk you were willing to take.
you gave because taking
was not worth the price
and maybe,
because she was still worth a job well done.
the hand in your hair gripped
tight as a taught string
ready to snap over the edge.
you were awed looking up at her,
she was so composed from across the bar,
and she was coming undone
with nothing but a rickety wood door
between her and the rest of the world.
now that was revenge.
but what would she do if you were caught?
would she fight or fly?
freeze or fawn?
who was she now,
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you stayed kneeling once it was over,
distantly trapped in a cage of memories
and power plays.
you resented this cage.
you tried to psycho-analyze yourself out of it,
but the alcohol made you too hazy
to do anything but relive.
you felt soft paper against your palm,
and knew that she had stepped out of the stall.
it was a twenty-dollar bill,
whether for the drink,
or everything else,
you didn’t want to know.
revenge looked different from down here,
when you’re the one left
kneeling in (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[a stranger's piss|final chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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on your bed,
hedonism staked its claim.
there are a few moments of
rhythmic fumbling and limb adjustments
until you’re back on track,
with your fingers
wrapped around their neck,
and a joint between your lips,
each hit takes you higher,
as you ground yourself against them.
a bike is a tool to be ridden,
it was a lesson
learned once,
and never forgotten,
so you ride (text-colour:#0f1326)[thoughtlessly, (click:"thoughtlessly,") [meanly, ](click: "meanly,") [selfishly.]]
until you can touch stars.
before you (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[plummet to the earth|plummet to the earth cp]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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//you can go//, you smile,
sending them on their way.
your room spun in the silence,
the stars you had worked hard for
had long been snuffed out,
and there was a wet spot
on your lumpy mattress.
you slept by the toilet that night,
waking up distantly to your own gagging, heaving,
and retching.
your mouth tasted like cherries and bile,
and you reeked of guilt
remembering someone
whose name you wish you didn’t know.
//revenge//
you whispered
into the floating chunks
and (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[browning toilet water|final chapter]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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it thrummed powerfully
between your thighs
riding fast with reckless abandon,
you love motorcycles.
the world flew by in blurs,
with your arms wrapped
around their waist.
your face was pink
and your eyes watery
by the time you pulled up to your place.
you sat steadied on the motorcycle,
tongues intertwined,
under flickering yellow streetlamps.
(text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[[come inside|come inside cp]], you whisper(text-style: "blink")[|]
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(live: 1s)[''dedgirl:'' u virgins ready 4 the rite of passage ritual 2nite???] (stop:)
(live: 2.5s)[''l0b0t0-me: ''3am sharp, mfs] (stop:)
(live: 4s)[''luvsyck:'' hell yes we’re gonna b so hot after this.] (stop:)
(live: 5s)[''luvsyck: ''timeout] (stop:)
(live: 6.5s)[''luvsyck: ''does anyone have the answers 2 this algebra hw?] (stop:)
(live: 7.5s)[''l0b0t0-me:'' let that kid smell ur earrings behind the bleachers and he’ll do it for u] (stop:)
(live: 8.5s)[''luvsyck: ''no… literally y would i do that] (stop:)
(live: 9.5s)[''l0b0t0-me: ''\_(0.0)_/] (stop:)
(live: 10.5s)[''dedgirl: ''i fear we’ve lost the plot, also ''@l0b0t0-me'' ur a slut.] (stop:)
(live: 12s)[''l0b0t0-me:'' and ur a bitch that lacks pretty privilege, next]
(live: 13.5s)[''ms.andry:'' anywayyyyyyyyys] (stop:)
(live: 14.5s)[''ms.andry: ''pls do not forget ur offerings] (stop:)
(live: 15.5s)[''ms.andry: ''this is a ritual //sacrifice//] (stop:)
(live: 16.5s)[''luvsyck:'' yeah yeah whatever mom ''@ms.andry''](stop:)
(live: 17.5s)[''luvsyck: ''i’m also bringing the cig i found under my brother’s car] (stop:)
(live: 18.5s)[''l0b0t0-me: ''oh fuck yeah] (stop:)
(live: 19.5s)[''dedgirl: ''2nites gonna b a movie] (stop:)
(live: 20.5s)[''ms.andry: ''wait r we missing people???] (stop:)
(live: 21.5s)[''dedgirl: ''uh oh i smell wiiiiiimps] (stop:)
(live: 22.5s)[''luvsyck: ''''@bl4ckb3rry.bl00db4th''??? r u coming or what???] (stop:)
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(live: 23.5s)[[[<img id="yesButton" src="https://imgur.com/WwKiRJj.png">->YES: ritual sacrifice? abso-fucking-lutely]]](stop:)
(live: 23.5s)[[[<img id="noButton" src="https://imgur.com/qVBDs3J.png">->NO: no, i have a crippling fear of my mother’s wrath]]](stop:)
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you were tangled snarl of slick bodies
despite the crowd,
your prospects were as clear,
as the ace you play.
pick a drink,
and order two.
you’re incredibly talented,
at knowing what other people order.
you order two (text-colour:#7272a9)[{(set: $drinks to (a: "gin martinis","whiskey sours","pints of busch on tap"))
(link-repeat: "[(print: $drinks's 1st)]<drinks|")[(replace: ?drinks)[(set: $drinks to (rotated: -1, ...$drinks))(print: $drinks's 1st)]]
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and (text-colour:#0f1326)+(text-style: "buoy")[(link: "make your way over")[(go-to:$drinks's 1st)]](text-style: "blink")[|]
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