Good Grub!

Congratulations on establishing your brand new restaurant. You will be serving: * [[Big, greasy burgers.|not bugs]] * [[Snooty foods on tiny plates.|not bugs]] * [[Bugs.]]

Haha! Nope. * [[It's bugs.|Bugs.]]

You are opening a restaurant that serves bugs because... * [[Eating bugs is good for the environment.|reason]] * [[Eating bugs is okay for you.|reason]] * [[The novelty value of eating bugs will set your establishment apart from the countless other options in what is already an extremely competitive business with razor-thin margins.|reason]]

That's...actually a pretty good reason. As good as either of the others, in any case. So what will your restaurant be called? * [[Good Grub]] * [[Big Bill's Big ol' Bug Emporium]] * [[La Cucaracha]]

(set: $restaurantName to (passage:)'s name)Ah! Clearly you are a cultured consumer of the written word. You have identified that this was not only the best restaurant name on offer, but also the name of this very piece of interactive fiction. This might sound like sarcasm, but no. You have legitimately clicked the right thing, and are rightly awarded a perfect ten points. These points have no value, no discernable effect, and will not be referenced again. But still, you got 'em! * [[Good job you.|food choices]]

(set: $restaurantName to (passage:)'s name)Follow up question: what is your name? * [[Bill]] * [[Not Bill]]

(set: $winnable to false)There's no such thing as a bad idea, but wow does naming your restaurant "The Cockroach" in Spanish come close. * [[Moving on...|food choices]]

What will your signature dish be? * [[Grasshopper Tacos]] * [[Mealworm Fried Rice]] * [[Stinkbug Stew]] * [[Chocolate Chirp Cookies]]

Okay. That... That at least makes a certain amount of sense. I mean, I'm still not sure about the name, but... Okay. You get a B+ when it comes to restaurant name choice. A- tops. Hopefully the people taking a chance on a restaurant that serves bugs will appreciate a quirky name. * [[Moving on...|food choices]]

(set: $winnable to false)Right. Not to knock your choice of restaurant name, but you're probably going to find yourself explaining that one a lot. * [[Moving on...|food choices]]

(set: $signatureDish to (passage:)'s name)Crunchy critters in a crunchy taco shell? Sounds like a crunch redundancy. Still, people might be more willing to give eating insects a go if the texture isn't obvious and they can mix them up with lots of toppings. * [[Time to drum up some business.|interview]]

(set: $signatureDish to (passage:)'s name)This really sounds like more of a side-dish than a signature meal, but who knows? Maybe people will be more willing to take a chance on mealworms than something crunchy with a lot of legs. * [[Time to drum up some business.|interview]]

(set: $signatureDish to (passage:)'s name)I'm guessing you picked this option because you're deliberately making stupid choices, but ha! Joke's on you because... ...stinkbugs are actually edible. More specifically, the species //Atizies taxcoensis// is edible and considered quite a delicacy in Mexico, though they're more commonly mashed into salsa than cooked in stews. Still, this choice was far smarter than was probably intended. * [[Yay?|interview]]

(set: $signatureDish to (passage:)'s name)Look, the wordplay might be delightful, but adding crickets to cookies does nothing to change the fact that this is clearly a sweet snack and not a meal. That might work out if you were running a bakery or a little food cart, but you're not. You own a restaurant. $restaurantName isn't going to get far with novelty cookies as its primary product of interest. But hey, you already clicked the thing so I guess we're doing this. * [[Time to drum up some business.|interview]]

(unless: $restaurantName is "La Cucaracha")[You line up an interview with a local radio station. "New restaurant in town" is barely news, but conveniently the novelty value of serving bugs does a lot to set your establishment apart from the countless others vying for media attention in an extremely competitive area of business with razor-thin margins. But how do you get to your interview? * [[Cycle.]] * [[Take the bus.]] * [[Drive.]] ](else:)[You try to generate some media buzz but nobody wants anything to do with a restaurant that makes them think about cockroach infestations the moment they hear it. Your business quickly fails, but not due to your choice of food. You know because nobody even tried it. **THE END**]

{ (set: $restaurantName to "your restaurant") (set: $winnable to true) (set: $signatureDish to "food") }

It's good for the environment and good for you! * [[You arrive with time to spare.]]

It's good for the environment and you don't get all sweaty! * [[You arrive with time to spare.]]

That's... Look, you personally get to the interview on time - I'm not going to write in some bogus ending where you step out of your car and fall straight down an open manhole - but this was not the right choice when it comes to society as a whole. I get that the other options are probably less appealing, but if more people cycled or took public transport there would be fewer vehicles on the road, bus and train services would be more frequent, and cycling would be safer. Driving when other options are available is bad for the environment //and// makes those other options less practical for everybody else. Make better choices in future. * [[You arrive with time to spare.|manhole end]]

The interview begins: "Our next guest is(if: (history:) contains "Big Bill's Big ol' Bug Emporium")[ Bill,] the proprieter of $restaurantName.(if: (history:) contains "Not Bill")[" You take a moment to explain that your name is not, in fact, Bill. "Oh," says the radio host. "But you named your restaurant 'Big Bill's Big ol' Bug Emporium'?" You confirm that this is so. "Is there a chef named Bill, then? What's going on there?" You tell her that you just thought the name sounded funny. You picked it on a whim and never really considered that you'd have to keep explaining it over and over and over every time the name of your own restaurant came up in conversation. There is an awkward silence. You add that this makes promoting your business quite dificult. The awkward silence resumes. At last, after quite a considerable stretch of dead air, she continues: "Anyway](else:)[ Now](if: (history:) contains "Bill")[ Bill], can you tell our listeners a little about why you decided to set up a restaurant that serves insects as food?" * [[Eating bugs is good for the environment.|radio reason]] * [[Eating bugs is okay for you.|radio reason]] * [[The novelty value of eating bugs will set your establishment apart from the countless other options in what is already an extremely competitive business with razor-thin margins.|radio reason]]

Just kidding: I lied. You step out of your car and fall straight down an open manhole. **THE END**

She laughs. "Well, that seems like as good a reason as any! I'm not sure that I'd want to eat bugs myself, but I'm told I shouldn't knock it till I've tried it, and when I say 'I'm told' I mean that my producer absolutely insists that I do it right now, on air. I gather you have your establishment's signature dish with you today?" You open your bag and produce a tupperware tub of $signatureDish. * [[After some hesitation, she takes a bite.]]

"Oh, wow!" she says. "This is actually really good!(if: $signatureDish is "Chocolate Chirp Cookies")[ But I can't help but feel as though cookies are a snack or a dessert rather than a meal. Are you going for an ice cream parlour sort of vibe or was this just a staggeringly poor choice on your part?" (display: "bad end")](elseif: (history:) contains "Not Bill")[ But I just can't get over your restaurant's name. If it were called literally anything else, I would be 100% behind the idea." (display: "bad end")](else:)[ I can't say I expected to like $signatureDish(if: $signatureDish is "Stinkbug Stew")[ - and I get the feeling that the stinkbugs would work better in a salsa rather than a stew -](else:)[,] but I've got to admit that it's very tasty. Everybody should go to your restaurant and spend lots of money and make it a huge success." And they do! Really it's not all that surprising: insects are a sustainable, healthy food source that's been consumed around the world for thousands upon thousands of years. **THE END**]

Your restaurant fails, but not because of the bugs: they're a sustainable, healthy food source that's been consumed around the world for thousands upon thousands of years. It's because you're terrible at business. **THE END**