Those Days

(set: $LukeAffinity to 1)\ (set: $LukeInterests to 1)\ (set: $Guitar to false)\ (set: $ChosenInterest to "null")\ (set: $Movie to "null")\ (set: $Car to false)\ (align:"==>")+(box:"=XXXXXXXXX")[#Those Days By George Larkwright (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[[Click to begin->0]]]] <img src="img\tree_overlay.png" class="bg" width="400px" height="400px"/>

(align:"=><=")[#1]\ (event: when time > 1s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[He'd moved into the house across the road from mine. Just his mother, his sister, and [him]<c2|.]] (click: ?c2)+(t8n: "dissolve")[We dropped round to say hello, the sort of overbearing welcome committee my mum insisted on delivering to newcomers, and he opened the (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[door->1.1]].]

He was taller than me – by no more than a couple of inches – and older than me – by no more than a couple of months. (event: when time > 2s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[A tide of brown-blonde hair crashed majestically across his forehead, resting just short of his sharp hazel eyes, which twinkled cheerfully in the late-August twilight.]] (event: when time > 5s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[His face was soft and slightly bulbous, like a half-filled water balloon.]] (event: when time > 8s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[Baggy cargo shorts exposed wiry legs, covered in beige and scarlet scabs at various stages of healing]](event: when time > 11s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[, and his t-shirt was emblazoned with the insignia of a band I’d never heard of.]] (event: when time > 14s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[He welcomed us inside with a (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[warm, confident smile->1.2]].]]

We head |c8>[upstairs] whilst our parents share tea and biscuits in the kitchen. (click: ?c8)[[Introductions]<c1| are rarely free-flowing at that age.] (click: ?c1)[I remember being [nervous]<c2|.](click: ?c2)[ After saying my name I motioned to shake his hand; an absurd formality for a twelve-year-old to [suggest]<c3|.] (click: ?c3)[He just laughed gently. [“I’m Luke,” he said.]<c4|(click: ?c4)[ “Do you go to St. Stephen’s?”]<c5|] (click: ?c5)[I nod. [“Yep.”]<c6|] (click: ?c6)[“I’m starting there on [[Monday->1.3]].”]

Sitting amongst the half-unpacked boxes on the floor of his bedroom, we test the ground for a potential friendship, taking it in turns to share our (link:"hobbies and enthusiasms")[hobbies and enthusiasms; a verbal game of shared interests [snap]<c1|]. (click: ?c1)[I start with a reasonably safe bet. “You into |c2>[football]?”] (click: ?c2)[“’Course! |c3>[What team] do you support?”] (click: ?c3)[“Southampton. We’re not having the best |c4>[season]…”] (click: ?c4)[“Doing better than (link:"Nottingham Forest")[Nottingham Forest. That’s who support. [[It was my dad’s team->1.4]]].”]

(set: $timer to 0)\ <div id="footer"> </div>

He changes the subject. “You play any |c1>[instruments]?” |choice>[(click: ?c1)[(link: "“Nah, I never learnt any.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it - 1)\ (set: $Guitar to false)\ (replace: ?choice)[“Nah, I never learnt any.” “Fair. I love music; I started learning to play the guitar a few years back. |c5>[Was in a band before I moved].”]] (link: "“Yeah, the guitar.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it + 2)\ (set: $Guitar to true)\ (replace: ?choice)[“Yeah, the guitar.” His eyes light up. “No way, me too! We should |c5>[jam sometime].”]] (link: "“Yeah, I play the piano.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it + 1)\ (set: $Guitar to false)\ (replace: ?choice)[“Yeah, I play the piano.” “Oh, that’s cool.” He gestures to the |c8>[corner] of the room.(click:?c8)[ A black and white electric guitar rests against the wall. “I play that. |c5>[Pretty cool right?]”]]]]] (click: ?c5)[I pause to think of a |c6>[quiz question] of my own.] (click: ?c6)[[[“Do you like reading?”->1.5]] [[“What kind of movies do you like?”->1.6]] [[“Do you have an Xbox?”->1.7]]]

(set: $LukeInterests to it - 1)\ (set: $ChosenInterest to "Books")\ “Do you like reading?” I loved reading sprawling fantasy novels at that age, and I enjoyed (link:"writing my own too")[writing my own too; stories of brave warriors fighting (link:"goblins and orcs")[goblins and orcs, (link:"shades and sphinxes")[shades and sphinxes, manticores and hippogriffs and (link:"enormous dragons")[enormous dragons. There was no better form of |book1>[escapism]]]]]. (click: ?book1)[“It’s not really my thing,” Luke says. “Feels too much like |c4>[homework].”] (click: ?c4)[[[The conversation moves on.->1.8]]]

“Did you watch |c1>[Top Gear] last night?” Luke asks. |choice>[(click: ?c1)[(link: "“I’m not really into cars.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it - 1)\ (set: $Car to false)\ (replace: ?choice)+(t8n: "dissolve")[“I’m not really into cars.” (if: $ChosenInterest is "Games")[“You probably won’t like Need for Speed much either then!”](else:)[“That’s cool.” Despite my answer, Luke’s eyes |c2>[sparkle].] (click: ?c2)[“I love cars. And bikes. I want to be a mechanic when I'm [[older->1.9]].”] ]] (link: "“Yeah, ‘course!”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it + 1)\ (set: $Car to true)\ (replace: ?choice)[“Yeah, ‘course!” “Me too! In the [[future->1.9]] I want to be a mechanic, or an engineer or something.”]]]]

(if: $LukeInterests >= 2)[(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 1)The initially glacial back-and-forth soon melted into free-flowing chatter. We had quite a few common interests; |c1>[that’s all that really matters when you’re a kid]. (click: ?c1)+(t8n: "dissolve")[But I also (link:"enjoyed talking to him")[enjoyed talking to him. He was easy-going and energetic. |c5>[We just got on]].]](else-if: $LukeInterests < 2)[As the conversation progressed the rust of awkwardness took a while to ease. |c2>[We didn’t seem to have very much in common.]] (click: ?c2)+(t8n: "dissolve")[But I (link:"enjoyed talking to him")[enjoyed talking to him. He had this way about him; a subtle charm that drew me out of my shell. He was easy-going and energetic. |c5>[We just got on]]. ](click: ?c5)[When it was time to leave, |c3>[he waved from the door.]] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[“I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”]] (click: ?c4)[“Yeah, I can show you around and stuff.” (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[“See you then!”->2]]]

(align:"=><=")[#2]\ (event: when time > 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[Luke settled into school quickly.]] (event: when time > 3s)[He had an enviable confidence about him, and was emboldened by the presence of (link:"others")[others. I preferred to keep (link:"myself to myself")[myself to myself. In truth, he wasn’t the sort of person I’d usually |c1>[befriend]]].] (click: ?c1)[It was one of those friendships that just |c2>[happened].] (click: ?c2)[He sat next to me in double maths, an opportunity to |c3>[get to know each other a bit better] – because neither of us were particularly invested in quadratic equations.] (click: ?c3)[He told me about his time living in |c4>[Nottingham].] (click: ?c4)[[[They’d moved back south after his dad’s accident, to be nearer his grandparents.->2.1]]]

(set: $timer to 1)\ In English lessons we sat at the back of the classroom and traded football cards under the desk. (event: when time > 2s)[In French, I taught him how to recognise (link:"past participles")[past participles. He taught me how to use a rubber-band to fire rolled-up bits of paper at the |c1>[girl] sat in front].] (click: ?c1)[“Stop it!” She turns round to face us, shaking the home-made confetti from her hair. (link-reveal: "Her stormy blue eyes pulse with fury.")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)] Luke barely blinks. “What is it, Katie?”]] (event: when $timer > 1)[“You’re throwing things at me.”] (event: when $timer > 2)[“No I’m not.”] (event: when $timer > 3)[The teacher cuts the conversation short with a |c2>[glare].] (click: ?c2)[Katie angrily turns back to her work. Luke [[chuckles->2.2]].]

Geography was the only lesson that interested Luke. He had a quenchless interest in the world outside our rural |c1>[bubble]. (click: ?c1)[At the back of the classroom was a row of atlases, and Luke would stay behind to (link:"leaf through them")[leaf through them, placing (link:"imaginary push-pins")[imaginary push-pins, sketching out a future |c2>[travel itinerary]]].] (click: ?c2)+(t8n: "dissolve")[|c3>[A longing for adventure that outpaced my own.]] (click: ?c3)[He had the real thing in his (link: "room at home")[room at home: a giant world map covered in red Sharpie circles, tacked to the [[wall above his bed->2.3]]].]

(if: $Guitar is true)[I went round every Saturday for ‘band’ practice in his garage, although in reality it was just Luke thrashing out some hard rock whilst the rest of us tried to |c1>[keep up]. (click: ?c1)[|c2>[“Do you know how to play bass?”] He asked our friend Alex.] (click: ?c2)[|c3>[“No…”] Alex replied.] (click: ?c3)[[[“I’ll teach you.”->2.4]]]](else-if: $Guitar is false)[I’m sitting in Luke’s bedroom, listening to the tinny pulsebeat of his unplugged |c5>[guitar].] (click: ?c5)+(t8n: "dissolve")[He sings a self-penned ballad, his |c6>[soft falsetto] barely audible above the chords.] (click: ?c6)+(t8n: "dissolve")[He sings about |c7>[his dad].] (click: ?c7)+(t8n: "dissolve")[When the song ends he softly rests the guitar against the wall, and looks out the window (link:"wistfully")[wistfully; his eyes glassy, his |c8>[mind elsewhere]].] (click: ?c8)+(t8n: "dissolve")[|c9>[His expression changes quickly.]] (click: ?c9)[“Fancy a game of FIFA?” “Yeah, [[bring it->2.4]].”]

We began to spend more and more time |c1>[together]. (click: ?c1)[(if: $ChosenInterest is "Movies")[(if: $Movie is "Thriller")[Luke would come over to my house after school and we’d delve into my dad’s DVD collection, working our way through the big-budget action movies of the ‘80s and (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[‘90s->2.5]].](else-if: $Movie is "Comedy")[Luke would come over to my house after school and we’d watch pirated movies on his laptop – usually gross-out comedies with an age certificate (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[slightly beyond our reach->2.5]].](else-if: $Movie is "Documentary")[(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 1)[He would come round to my house after school. I introduced him to some of my favourite (link:"documentaries")[documentaries, about (link:"world history")[world history, or impending environment (link:"catastophes")[catastrophes, or the daily lives of ordinary people from around the |c2>[globe]]]]. (click: ?c2)[It was these latter films that caught his imagination; not the people, but the (link:"places")[places. He'd lean forward in his seat, completely spellbound by the |c3>[vast majestic vistas] captured on film].] (click: ?c3)[“I want to go there,” he’d say, pointing at the misty peaks of the Andes, or the distressed majesty of the |c4>[Grand Canyon].] (click: ?c4)+(t8n:"dissolve")[[[Always dreaming.->2.5]]]]]](else-if: $ChosenInterest is "Games")[After school, Luke would come over and we’d set up camp in front of the TV, playing endless games of FIFA. We were [[well-matched->2.5]], although I like to think I had the edge.](else-if: $ChosenInterest is "Books")[After school, Luke would come over to my house. I’d talk him through my latest |c5>[stories] and the accompanying illustrations. (click: ?c5)[He probably thought I was a bit odd, so obsessed with these |c6>[fantasy worlds].] (click: ?c6)[He feigned interest all the same. [[I appreciated that.->2.5]]]]]

Before long we were |c1>[inseparable]. (click: ?c1)+(t8n:"dissolve")[We’d spend hours playing football in the park with our other (link:"friends,")[friends – Benji, Alex and Rhys –] only taking breaks to skim stones across the pond or |c2>[chase] the ducks.] (click: ?c2)+(t8n:"dissolve")[On weekends we’d all ride our bikes deep into the |c3>[arable hinterland] outside of town.] (click: ?c3)+(t8n:"dissolve")[We'd race along hidden dirt paths, kicking up gravel and flint as we sped down the green monolithic |c4>[hillsides], stitched together by hedgerows and interwoven with tussocks and wild flowers.] (click: ?c4)+(t8n:"dissolve")[Luke always came up with new places to [[explore->2.6]].]

“Are you sure this is safe?” (align:"<==")+(box:"=XXXXXXXX=")[(event: when time > 2s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[I’m standing on the verge of a steep gorge, my toes curled up inside cheap trainers, barely able to look down into the dark, dense foliage |c1>[below].]]] (click: ?c1)[“If it was safe it wouldn’t be |c2>[fun].”] (click: ?c2)[Luke stands stridently atop a large tree stump. In one hand he holds a thick yet ragged (link:"rope")[rope. It’s fixed to an overhanging branch |c3>[high above]].] (click: ?c3)[The sunlight battles to pierce the thick (link:"canopy")[canopy; English countryside transformed into a |c4>[dense jungle]].] (click: ?c4)[[[“I’m going for it!” He cries.->2.7]]]

Suddenly he’s mid-air, swinging from one side of the gorge to the other, letting out a whoop of excitement untainted by the |c1>[terror] I feel inside. (click: ?c1)[“That was sick!” He yells excitedly. “Come on, |c2>[your turn!]”] (click: ?c2)[He swings the rope back (link:"across")[across, and I catch it between my palms and my midriff. |c3>[I take a couple of nervous steps backwards]].] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[“Come on!”]] (click: ?c4)[[[I swing across.->2.8]] [[I chicken out.->2.9]]]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 1)\ (set: $Swung to true)\ A running jump...(click-replace: "A running jump...")[A running jump, and I’m |c1>[away].] (click: ?c1)[I soar across the viridescent maw, my insides scrambled, every muscle in my arms tensed, the rope |c2>[burning my fingers].] (click: ?c2)[I hit the opposite bank, collapsing into the (link:"brambles")[brambles. The rope threatens to drag me back over the abyss, but I dig my heels into the |c3>[loamy earth]].] (click: ?c3)[[[Grounded once more.->2.10]]]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it - 1)\ (set: $Swung to false)\ I hesitate. “There’s a bridge over there. |c1>[I’ll meet you on the other side.]” (click: ?c1)[“You pussy! Come on, |c2>[swing across!]”] (click: ?c2)[“I’ll take the bridge. |c3>[It’s safer.]”] (click: ?c3)[I let go of the (link:"rope")[rope. It swings meekly into the middle of the chasm, forever [[out of my reach->2.10]]].]

As Luke grew older he developed even more of a |c1>[roguish edge]. (click: ?c1)[He got into more trouble at school, frequently |c2>[clashing] with the teachers.] (click: ?c2)[Mr. Scanlon, our Maths teacher, was a regular |c3>[adversary].] (click: ?c3)[He was an older man, a relic from the ‘golden age’ of (link:"teaching")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]teaching, when hurling board markers at students was seen as acceptable].] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[Luke used to call him ‘swingball’, a reference to his oversized flaccid earlobes that swayed metronomically as he walked.] (event: when $timer > 3)[Mr. Scanlon hated Luke.] (event: when $timer > 5)[[[And Luke hated him back.->2.11]]]

It’s (link:"morning break")[morning break. I’d been held back after class to discuss an upcoming French exchange programme, and now I’m walking through the school yard, looking for |c1>[Luke and the others]]. (click: ?c1)[I spot them huddled in the |c2>[corner of the school ground].] (click: ?c2)[They usher me over |c3>[conspiratorially].] (click: ?c3)[Luke’s |c4>[grinning].] (click: ?c4)[He pulls a polished |c5>[steel oblong] out of his pocket.] (click: ?c5)[A |c6>[penknife].] (click: ?c6)[“For |c7>[Scanlon].”] (click: ?c7)[I step back, (link:"horrified.")[horrified. |c8>[“You can’t stab him!”]]] (click: ?c8)[Luke laughs. “You idiot. Stab him? No. We’re going to [[slash his tyres->2.12]].”]

The next day, just before we pass through the school gates, Luke grabs my arm and leads me round the (link:"corner")[corner, where a rusted and ramshackle |c1>[bike rack] protrudes from the kerb]. (click: ?c1)[“I scouted it out yesterday. Scanlon cycles into school on that,” he says, gesturing to a |c2>[muddied black bicycle].] (click: ?c2)[“Here.” |c3>[He proffers me the knife]. “You’d better do it; I’ll be suspect number one. I’ll keep watch.”] (click: ?c3)[[[I take it.->2.13]] [[I refuse to take it.->2.14]]]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 2)\ (set: $Knife to true)\ Energised by Luke’s excitement, I take the |c6>[penknife] from him. (click: ?c6)[It’s ice cold in the palm of my (link:"hand")[hand. There are four or five different blades tucked inside the six-inch |c1>[chassis]].] (click: ?c1)[I dig my fingernail into a groove on the side and lever out one of the |c2>[blades].] (click: ?c2)[I hold it in front of me, like a novice fencer facing an Olympic champion. It’s dull, |c3>[not much use] for anything more than whittling.] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[“Hurry up.”]] (click: ?c4)[I line up the point of the blade between with the rubber grooves and shunt my shoulder forward, twisting my wrist to force the knife into the (link:"tyre")[tyre. A slow //hiss// of air |c5>[escaping]].] (click: ?c5)[I stab the other with more zeal, dragging the blade down the side of the wheezing tyre, [[severing its belly->2.15]].]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it - 1)\ (set: $Knife to false)\ “Leave me out – this was your |c1>[idea].” (click: ?c1)[“Fine” – he flicks out the blade of the penknife – |c2>[“I’ll do it.”]] (click: ?c2)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]A slash of the blade(event: when $timer > 0)[, then a soft //hiss//](event: when $timer > 1)[, then another slash](event: when $timer > 2)[, another //hiss//](event: when $timer > 3)[, and we're away, sprinting back round the corner and into the |c3>[school building]].] (click: ?c3)[Luke stashes the knife in his gym bag, and we head for the classroom, only missing registration by |c4>[a couple of minutes].] (click: ?c4)[|c5>[Luke doesn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.]] (click: ?c5)[He’s (link:"angry")[angry; (link:"hurt")[hurt. He trusted me to help with his scheme, and I’ve |c6>[let him down]]].] (click: ?c6)[I don’t want to [[let him down again->2.17]].]

“That’s enough. |c1>[Let’s go].” (click: ?c1)[We sprint back round the (link:"corner...")[corner, through the (link:"gates...")[gates, into the (link:"school building...")[school building, and into our form room, only stopping to stash the |c2>[penknife] in Luke’s gym bag.]]]] (click: ?c2)[I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. The excitement was gone, replaced by a (link:"parasitic fear")[parasitic fear. It ate away at me for |c3>[weeks]].] (click: ?c3)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]Luke seemed have forgotten all about it by lunchtime.] (event: when $timer > 2)[[[But we never were caught.->2.16]]]

This escapade did little to dull Luke’s (link:"edge")[edge. He got into more (link:"scrapes")[scrapes. He fell in with a |c1>[group of boys] who used to congregate at the strip of tarmac that passed for the village skatepark]]. (click: ?c1)[I joined them from time to time, despite having little interest in |c2>[skating].] (click: ?c2)[Not that it mattered. Skating was (link:"incidental")[incidental. The group’s real purpose was |c3>[nuisance]].] (click: ?c3)[They’d engage in minor mischief throughout town, stealing road signs or defacing local |c4>[landmarks].] (click: ?c4)[Belonging to this group was a constant race to maintain [[status->2.18]].]

This escapade did little to quell Luke’s appetite for (link:"jeopardy")[jeopardy; if anything, it |c1>[intensified]]. (click: ?c1)[He fell in with a group of boys who used to congregate at the strip of tarmac that passed for the town’s skatepark, and |c2>[I followed].] (click: ?c2)[Belonging to this group was a constant race to maintain |c3>[status].] (click: ?c3)[We engaged in the sort of rite-of-passage misdemeanours that all teenagers took part in; (link:"littering")[littering, (link:"graffiti")[graffiti, (link:"underage drinking")[underage drinking. Booster shots for the teenage [[reputation->2.18]]]]].]

No one wanted to be at the |c1>[bottom of the pecking order]. (click: ?c1)[It’s probably where I’d have been, if it weren’t for |c2>[Daniel].] (click: ?c2)[(link:"Poor Daniel")[Poor Daniel. He really didn’t (link:"belong")[belong. He was a few years |c3>[younger] than everyone else(click: ?c3)[, a bright-eyed, naive, overly-mothered boy. The group |c4>[mocked him] mercilessly(click: ?c4)[, |c5>[baying eagerly] whenever he tumbled off his turquoise kick scooter](click: ?c5)[, revelling in the |c6>[spite]]]]].] (click: ?c6)[Yet he kept |c7>[coming back] to the park.] (click: ?c7)[(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[He had nowhere else to go.->2.19]]]

Gradually I drifted away from the (link:"group")[group. |c1>[My parents saw to that]]. (click: ?c1)[I began to focus more on my |c2>[future].] (click: ?c2)[What I wanted to |c3>[do].] (click: ?c3)[Who I wanted to |c4>[be].] (click: ?c4)[A trip to France had ignited an enthusiasm for (link:"French culture")[French culture. I was never the best French speaker, but I got it into my head that I could become a foreign correspondent in (link:"France")[France, or even further |c5>[afield]]].] (click: ?c5)[My reporting would be beamed into the homes of |c6>[millions] on the evening news.](click: ?c6)[ I could contribute to current affairs shows, and |c7>[write for broadsheets].] (click: ?c7)[(live: 100ms)[(stop:)<script>$('tw-include[title="PassageEnd"]')[0].scrollIntoView({ behavior: "smooth", block: "start" })</script>]\ The stories would |c8>[matter].] (click: ?c8)[(live: 100ms)[(stop:)<script>$('tw-include[title="PassageEnd"]')[0].scrollIntoView({ behavior: "smooth", block: "start" })</script>]\ I pursued this new ambition with a narrow-minded |c9>[obsession].] (click: ?c9)[(live: 100ms)[(stop:)<script>$('tw-include[title="PassageEnd"]')[0].scrollIntoView({ behavior: "smooth", block: "start" })</script>]\ An obsession that meant I saw (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[less of Luke->2.20]].]

When Luke and I did hang out, we spent more time closer to home, sitting on the |c2>[hill] behind my house that overlooked the road into town. (click: ?c2)[Under the shade of a lone sycamore tree we’d while away the afternoons listening to music, or just |c1>[talking].] (click: ?c1)+(t8n:"dissolve")[As we grew older the topics of [[conversations->2.21]] evolved.]

(event: when time > 1.5s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[I didn’t think we’d become so close, when we first (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[met->1]].]]

(event: when time > 1s)[“Who you into then?” He asked one afternoon.] (event: when time > 2s)[“Huh?”] (event: when time > 3s)[“Girls. At school. Is there anyone you like?”] (event: when time > 5s)[I paused to consider. It’s not something we’d really talked about before.] (event: when time > 7s)[“Go on, you can |c1>[tell me].”] |choice>[(click: ?c1)[(link: "“Actually, I really like Rachel.”")[ (set: $Girl to "Rachel")\ (replace: ?choice)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“Actually, I really like Rachel.” (event: when $timer > 1)[“Seriously?”] (event: when $timer > 2)[“Yeah, she’s fit.”] (event: when $timer > 3)[“Fair. Didn’t think she was (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[your type->2.22]].”]]]\ (link: "“Katie seems nice.”")[ (set: $Girl to "Katie")\ (replace: ?choice)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“Katie seems nice.” (event: when $timer > 1)[“You’re just saying that to wind me up.”] (event: when $timer > 2)[“Why?”] (event: when $timer > 3)[“You know I’m into her.”] (event: when $timer > 4)[“I didn’t think you (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[still were->2.22]].”]]] (link: "“Not really.”")[ (set: $Girl to "NoOne")\ (replace: ?choice)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“Not really” (event: when $timer > 1)[“You must be into someone!”] (event: when $timer > 1)[“Nah, not really.”] (event: when $timer > 1)[“Why don’t you want to tell me?”] (event: when $timer > 1)[“It’s private, (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[that’s all->2.22]].”]]]] ]

We grew older. The topics of conversations evolved, but our friendship |c1>[endured]. (click: ?c1)+(t8n:"dissolve")[Right through to the (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[end of school->3]].]

(align:"=><=")[#3]\ (event: when time > 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[It’s early |c1>[September].]](click: ?c1)[ I’m |c2>[sitting] on a shallow hillside, legs crossed in the grass.](click: ?c2)[ |c3>[Luke sits beside me.]](click: ?c3)[ A rich sunset disappears behind us, cloaking the pastoral landscape in a mellow golden |c4>[glow].] (click: ?c4)[The tree under which we’re sitting is already starting to shed its orange and russet |c5>[leaves].](click: ?c5)[ I pick one up by the stalk and twirl it in my fingers, examining the thin vascular patterns as they dance in the sunlight, before chucking it |c6>[away ]aimlessly.] (click: ?c6)[I’m leaving for university in a week. Starting a new (link:"chapter")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]chapter; starting a whole new book].] (event: when $timer > 2)[And yet here we are, sat listening to the hushed breathing of the breeze, spending the last days of our youth doing |c7>[nothing at all].](click: ?c7)[ Our adventures replaced by a habitual, comforting |c8>[lethargy].] (click: ?c8)[It’s been an almost |c9>[perfect day].] (click: ?c9)[I’ll miss this. I don’t realise it at the time, but [[I’ll really miss this->3.1]].]

A car drives |c1>[past]. (click: ?c1)[Luke speaks out. “Honestly, who would actually choose to drive a |c2>[Peugeot]?”] (click: ?c2)[(if: $Car is true)[|c3>[“It’s not that bad.”] (click: ?c3)[Luke flashes me a bemused look. I’m clearly wrong to assert this, but then |c7>[I’ve never known much about cars].]](else-if: $Car is false)[|c4>[“Old people.”] (click: ?c4)[|c7>[“Too right.”]]]] (click: ?c7)[Luke commands the |c5>[conversation] more and more these days.](click: ?c5)[ He speaks with a |c6>[confidence] that belies his age.] (click: ?c6)[(if: $Girl is "NoOne")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer2 to it + 1)]“You think there’ll be many girls in Durham?” (event: when $timer2 > 1)[“I imagine so. It’s a university, not a monastery.”] (event: when $timer2 > 3)[“Might finally get yourself a girlfriend!”] (event: when $timer2 > 5)[I’m used to this teasing.] (event: when $timer2 > 7)[“Hah, [[we’ll see->3.2]].”]](else:)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer3 to it + 1)]“I got a message from Katie the other day.” (event: when $timer3 > 1)[“Oh, cool. Haven’t spoken to her since term ended. How is she?”] (event: when $timer3 > 3)[“We’re actually going to meet up next week, in town. Go to the cinema.”] (event: when $timer3 > 5)[“A date?”] (event: when $timer3 > 7)[“Yeah. [[I suppose it is->3.2]].”]] ]

The soft breeze tickles the side of my forehead. The sun has almost |c1>[fully disappeared] now. (click: ?c1)[Our elongated silhouettes stretch out in front of us, skimming the |c2>[country road] at the base of the hill.] (click: ?c2)[“Remember when Benji came off his bike down there?” Luke asks, pointing to the |c3>[gritty strip of tarmac] below us.] (click: ?c3)[He broke his collarbone. |c4>[Had his arm in a sling for weeks.]] (click: ?c4)[Of course that wouldn’t have happened if Luke hadn’t |c5>[loosened his brakes].] (click: ?c5)[We often joked around like that, in the way that (link:"most boys did")[most boys did; taking the piss out of each other, never letting any |c6>[embarrassment] be forgotten].] (click: ?c6)[There was usually one boy who bore the brunt of this familial perniciousness, and in our group that boy was |c7>[Benji].] (click: ?c7)[|choice>[(link:"“One of our better pranks.”")[(replace: ?choice)[(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 1)“One of our better pranks.” “His face when he tried to get up. He just cried. Went red and [[cried->3.3]].”] ] (link:"“That wasn’t very good of us, really.”")[(replace: ?choice)[(set: $LukeAffinity to it -1)“That wasn’t very good of us, really.” “It was a good laugh at the [[time->3.3]]…”] ]]]

“What ever happened to |c1>[Benji]?” (click: ?c1)[“He moved away a couple years back. |c2>[His brother...]”] (click: ?c2)[|c3>[I remember now, though I’d tried to forget.]]\ (click: ?c3)[“His |c4>[brother] needed to be closer to the hospital, I think.”] (click: ?c4)[His brother needed round-the-clock care from a young age. Must’ve been difficult for the (link:"family")[family. Must’ve been difficult for |c5>[Benji]].] (click: ?c5)[We weren’t exactly kind to him, considering everything he was going through. It’s not a surprise he didn’t |c6>[stay in touch].] (click: ?c6)[“It’s getting late. |c7>[I should head in.]”] (click: ?c7)[(t8n-arrive:"instant")[[“You can stay a little longer.”->3.4]] [[“You’re right, it’s getting dark”->3.5]] ]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 1)\ “You can stay a little longer.” (event: when time > 1.5s)[“Sure.”] (event: when time > 3s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[That familiar silence.]] (event: when time > 4.5s)[Luke breaks it. “Today’s been so boring”] (event: when time > 6s)[“Just one of those slow autumn days.”] (event: when time > 7.5s)[“It’s just so |c1>[tedious].”(click: ?c1)[ Luke looks down, picking |c2>[furiously] at the grass.](click: ?c2)[ “I need to get |c3>[out of here], like you.”]] (click: ?c3)[|choice>[(link:"“Where would you go?”")[(replace: ?choice)[(live:1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“Where would you go?” “Anywhere! London, or Southampton even; anywhere but this town.” (event: when $timer > 2)[“What about school?”] (event: when $timer > 3.5)[“School,” he scoffs. “It’s just a few exams; I can retake them anytime.”] (event: when $timer > 5)[I didn’t have an answer to this.] (event: when $timer > 6.5)[“Come on, it’ll get dark soon. [[You know what my mum’s like.->3.6]]”]] ] (link:"“It’s only an extra year.”")[(replace: ?choice)[“It’s only an extra year.” “An extra year of school. Know how |c4>[humiliating] that sounds?” (click: ?c4)[“Think of it as an opportunity. |c5>[Sometimes to go forwards you have to go backwards first.]”] (click: ?c5)[“Easy for you to say. You’re taking |c6>[three steps forward] next week.”](click: ?c6)[ He chucks a loose clump of grass into the air. [[“Come on, let’s head home.”->3.6]]]] ]]]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it - 1)\ (t8n: "dissolve")[I follow Luke down the hill, mopping up the last drops of evening sunlight.] (event: when time > 1.5s)[“You around tomorrow?”] (event: when time > 3s)[“I have to pack. And I haven’t started my reading yet.”] (event: when time > 4.5s)[“Gonna have three years for that.”] (event: when time > 6s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[He’d never fully endorsed my academic side.]] (event: when time > 7.5s)[“When you leaving?”] (event: when time > 9s)[“Next week.”] (event: when time > 10.5s)[“Excited?”] (event: when time > 12s)[(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[“Yeah, I think I am.”->4]]]

(align:"=><=")[#4]\ (event: when time > 1s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[My university experience was like wading through a swamp.]] (event: when time > 3s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[It quickly became clear that choosing to study modern languages had been a (link:"mistake")[mistake. (link:"I wasn’t cut out for it")[I wasn’t cut out for it. Nor was I prepared for the rigours of (link:"academic life")[academic life; I was playing |c1>[catch-up] long before the starting pistol sounded]]].]] (click: ?c1)[(link:"I want out.")[(text-style:"strike")[I want out.] |c2>[Sometimes to go forwards you have to go backwards first.]]] (click: ?c2)[I was (link:"stubborn")[stubborn. I couldn’t countenance the shame of |c3>[returning home early]].] (click: ?c3)[So (link:"I stuck it out")[I stuck it out. I sunk myself into my studies, working day and night to catch up with [[the others->4.1]] and impress the professors who’d already written me off].]

(t8n:"dissolve")[I stand up, and dust the dead grass off my shorts. Luke’s already halfway down the |c1>[hill].] (click: ?c1)[He waits for me at the bottom, where the tawny bank stops and the thin path home (link:"begins")[begins, arm-in-arm with the road that had seemed so distant just |c2>[moments ago]].] (click: ?c2)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“You will come and visit, right?”] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[[[“Of course.”->4]]]

The promises I’d made to keep in touch with friends from school became |c1>[difficult to keep]. (click: ?c1)[In the first few weeks after I arrived at university – the calm before the storm – we messaged |c2>[regularly].] (click: ?c2)[But as the term progressed |c3>[I withdrew].] (click: ?c3)[One-by-one friends dropped off my radar, until there was (link:"only one left")[only one left. |c4>[Luke]].] (click: ?c4)[The last time I saw him was after my first term in Durham, [[over the Christmas break->4.2]].]

I approach the pub |c1>[slowly], crunching through the frost forming on the pavement. (click: ?c1)[My pace slows when I’m nervous; a vain attempt to stave off the |c2>[inevitable].] (click: ?c2)[|c6>[Walking] into school for the first time. (click: ?c6)[|c7>[Walking] to the head-teacher’s office for my only detention. (click: ?c7)[|c8>[Walking] to collect my exam results. (click: ?c8)[All with that same, shortened, nervous |c3>[stride].]]]] (click: ?c3)[[[A habit like that is hard to lose.->4.3]]]

The pub, like the numerous pint glasses resting atop the bar, is (link:"full to the brim")[full to the brim, and buzzing with |c1>[Christmas cheer]]. (click: ?c1)[I meet Luke (link:"inside")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]inside, and we manage to claim a corner of the bar as our own].] (event: when $timer > 1)[He looks different.](event: when $timer > 3)[ Gone is the ocean swell fringe, clipped back into a close-crop clump.](event: when $timer > 5)[ His eyes are darker, his skin pallid.] (event: when $timer > 7)[As we talk I notice his infectious enthusiasm has been replaced by a |c2>[restless jadedness].] (click: ?c2)[|c3>[“How’s uni?”] He asks me.] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[(text-style:"strike")[“To tell you the truth mate, I’m struggling,” I confess.]] [[I desperately want to avoid the subject.->4.4]]]

“Yeah, it’s good.” I sip my (link:"drink.")[drink, waiting for the alcohol-fuelled self-confidence to kick in.] |c1>[“How’s school?”] (click: ?c1)[|c2>[“Don’t.”]] (click: ?c2)[His face contorts, as if he were about to morph into a wolf, or some other |c3>[fearsome creature].] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[“Don’t talk to me about school.”]] (click: ?c4)[[[“Why? I want to know what I’ve been missing.”->4.5]] [[“Not going well?”->4.6]]]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it - 1)\ “Why? I want to know what I’ve been missing.” “Missing? You haven’t been missing much at all. Same as before, another year |c2>[wasted].” (click: ?c2)[I try to reassure him. |c3>[“It’s not a waste.”]] (click: ?c3)[“You would say that; |c4>[you enjoyed school].”] (click: ?c4)[|c5>[“Did you not?”]] (click: ?c5)[“Wish I’d worked harder. But then I’m not like [[you->4.7]].”]

(set: $LukeAffinity to it + 1)\ “Not going well?” “I watch people like you and Rhys going off to uni, and it’s just so… |c1>[frustrating].” (click: ?c1)[“Trust me, you’re not |c2>[missing out] on much.”] (click: ?c2)[“The all-night parties? The booze? The girls? Mate, that’s the |c3>[life].”] (click: ?c3)[(link:"I shrug")[I shrug. |c4>[It’s not really my life]].] (click: ?c4)[“And you’re downplaying it. Do you know how |c5>[lucky] you are?”] (click: ?c5)[“Few more months and |c6>[you’ll be going to uni too].”] (click: ?c6)[|c7>[“Yeah, ‘spose...”]] (click: ?c7)[He trails off, waiting for me to pick up the slack of the (link:"conversation")[conversation. |c8>[I say nothing]].] (click: ?c8)[“But look at how hard you worked to get there. I could never do that. I’m not like [[you->4.7]].”]

“I’d never thought about it before, (link:"actually")[actually. (link:"Katie mentioned it")[Katie mentioned it. Said she always thought were were quite (link:"different")[different. An ‘odd couple’, she said.” |c1>[He laughs heartily], and downs his pint]]]. (click: ?c1)[I ask him about his |c2>[future plans].] (click: ?c2)[“Uni, |c3>[eventually], I guess.”] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[“Eventually?”]] (click: ?c4)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“Yeah. Not yet.”] (event: when $timer > 1)[He pauses.] (event: when $timer > 2.5)[“I know qualifications are important, but [[there’s more to life than that->4.8]].”]

The rest of the evening flickered with small talk, each new topic like the last gasp of smoke from a freshly |c1>[extinguished] candle. (click: ?c1)[A couple of Luke’s mates from the year below (link:"arrived")[arrived. I felt |c2>[out of place]].] (click: ?c2)[I made my excuses and headed home. He suggested we meet up again before I went back to Durham, but Christmas Day came and went and soon I was on a (link:"train")[train, shuttling through (link:"London")[London, returning to the [[swamp->4.9]]]].]

The workload grew, and dragged me (link:"down")[down; overloaded ballast that could not be |c1>[shifted]]. (click: ?c1)[I sank |c2>[deeper into the mire].] (click: ?c2)[The messages Luke and I sent back and forth became more (link:"sporadic")[sporadic. (link:"Shorter")[Shorter. Less |c3>[personal]]].] (click: ?c3)[I’d forget to |c4>[reply].] (click: ?c4)[|c5>[Or had nothing to say.]] (click: ?c5)[I didn’t visit home for another |c6>[year].] (click: ?c6)[By then [[Luke was gone->4.10]].]

He’d finished school at the second attempt, then taken a year out to go |c1>[travelling] with Katie. (click: ?c1)[They went (link:"backpacking across South America together")[backpacking across South America together; something Luke had dreamed of for most of his life, finally made a |c2>[reality]].] (click: ?c2)[I followed their updates on (link:"Facebook")[Facebook; full of smiling selfies and beguiling landscapes, the kind that need no caption to convey just how extraordinarily beautiful they are]. [(text-style:"strike")[I liked his posts.]] |c3>[I scrolled past.]] (click: ?c3)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]I just couldn’t bring myself to start up a conversation after so long.] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[(t8n:"dissolve")[I think I was afraid he wouldn’t say anything back.]] (event: when $timer > 3)[(t8n:"dissolve")[Or that he’d have changed so much [[we’d have nothing to talk about->4.11]].]]

(t8n: "dissolve")[Funny how some friendships end in a thunderstorm of insurmountable differences, whilst others slowly dim out of sight.] (event: when time > 3s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[Like the tide creeping further and further up the shore, until suddenly the beach isn’t there any more, and you’re [[floating alone in the ocean->4.12]].]]

As first year churned into second, then second into third, the pressure (link:"increased")[increased. I studied (link:"harder")[harder, then (link:"harder still")[harder still. The work kept (link:"piling on")[piling on. Seminars and (link:"translations")[translations. Long essays on French history, or politics, or |c1>[art]]]]]]. (click: ?c1)[I was being driven not by the hunger for success, as once had been the case, but by the fear of (link:"failure")[failure; by a fear of disappointing those I’d been bold enough to outline my |c2>[dreams] to].] (click: ?c2)[And as the ambition that once governed me slowly faded, [[I retreated to the past for solace->4.13]].]

(t8n: "dissolve")[|c1>[It’s getting late.]] (click: ?c1)[(t8n: "dissolve")[I lie awake in my pokey (link:"box room")[box room, loose mattress springs digging into my back, unread books piled up on the desk beside me]. Outside, lads from the year below whoop and holler. Thin cotton curtains barely block out the glare of the (link:"streetlamps")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]streetlamps, casting monochrome trapezoidal shadows across the ceiling].]] (event: when $timer > 2)[(t8n: "dissolve")[I lie awake and (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[think->4.14]].]]

|think>[|c1>[I think about how I got here.] (click: ?c1)[|c2>[I think about school, and the friends I left behind.]] (click: ?c2)[|c3>[I think back to all the shared lessons and distractions and tellings-off from the teacher.]] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[The sunny days spent chasing a ball around the park, or skimming stones across murky pond water.]] (click: ?c4)[|c5>[Those days when we embarked on expeditions into the unknown, cycling down deserted country trails and skidding across wet grass.]] (click: ?c5)[|c6>[Those days idled away in the middle of nowhere with nowhere to be and nowhere to go.]] (click: ?c6)[|c7>[Those days when the only burdens were trivial; when the only worries had time limits.]] (click: ?c7)[Those days when there were no expectations, no complications; those days when all we did was |c8>[dream.]]] (click: ?c8)[(replace: ?think)+(t8n: "dissolve")[The bucolic sights and smells of |c9>[youth]. (click: ?c9)+(t8n: "dissolve")[(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[The rapturous hope of it all.->4.15]]]]]

|c1>[Those days.] (click: ?c1)+(t8n:"dissolve")[|c2>[Those slow autumn days.]] (click: ?c2)+(t8n:"dissolve")[Those days are far away now, like twinkling stars flitting across a cloudy (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[night sky->4.16]].]

It’s getting late. (event: when time > 2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[Luke and I are walking through the gloom, trying to find our way back to the footpath that had seemed so nearby only a moment ago.]] (event: when time > 4s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[We didn’t ride our bikes anymore, or play football, or do any of the things that had defined our friendship in the preceding years.]] (event: when time > 6s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[But that day, for whatever reason, we decided to ride out into the countryside one last time.]] (event: when time > 8s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[We ended up travelling further than ever before, and made our way [[home->4.17]] as evening turned to night.]]

(set: $ans to 0)\ We reach the crest of a familiar (link:"hill")[hill. Darkness undulates infront of us, speckled with pinpricks of |c1>[light]]. (click:?c1)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]“That’s town down there,” I say, trying to hide my relief.] (event: when $timer > 2)[“Let’s stay here a bit.”] (event: when $timer > 4)[“It’s nearly eleven.”] (event: when $timer > 6)[“Exactly – what’s another ten minutes going to matter.”] (event: when $timer > 8)[Illuminated by the pale embrace of moonlight, we rest our bikes against the lone sycamore tree and |c2>[lie] top to toe on the soft grass.](click:?c2)[ We lie and watch the stars quiver expectantly in the sky, like dancers waiting for the night’s |c3>[final song].] (click:?c3)[(link:"Crack a joke.")[(set: $ans to $ans + 1)(text-style:"strike")[Crack a joke.]] (link:"Hum a tune.")[(set: $ans to $ans + 1)(text-style:"strike")[Hum a tune.]] (link:"Ask a question.")[(set: $ans to $ans + 1)(text-style:"strike")[Ask a question.]]] (event: when $ans is 3)[(t8n:"dissolve")[[[Remember this moment.->4.18]]]]

(live: 5s)[(go-to: "4.19")]

I lie awake. (event: when time > 2s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[I lie awake and think of that (link:"moment in time")[moment in time, that single thread in a (link:"tapestry of memories")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]tapestry of memories, each one as seemingly inconsequential as the last, each one as vividly stitched in my mind as the first]].]] (event: when $timer > 2)[(t8n: "dissolve")[I think of Luke. Does he also dream of |c1>[those days]?]] (click: ?c1)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timerLut to it + 1)](t8n: "dissolve")[Do they mean as much to him as they do to me?]] (event: when $timerLut > 2)[(t8n: "dissolve")[(link:"I lie awake")[I lie awake and (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[think->5]]].]]

(align:"=><=")[#5]\ (event: when time > 1s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[(link:"Final exams came and went.")[Final exams came and went. |c1>[I scraped through.]]]] (click: ?c1)[By the end my brain had turned in on (link:"itself")[itself, a shrivelled, suppurating husk |c2>[capable of little else but writing and sleeping]].] (click: ?c2)[But I'd |c3>[made it through].] (click: ?c3)[I posted a celebratory update to (link: "Facebook")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]Facebook. I half-expected Luke to see it and send me a message in response].] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[But why would he?] (event: when $timer > 3)[[[We hadn’t talked in years.->5.1]]]

My graduation took place on the (link:"first Saturday in July")[first Saturday in July, and |c1>[I left Durham for good] the next day]. (click: ?c1)[I moved to London, and took an admin |c2>[job] at a small law firm in Camden.] (click: ?c2)[The dream of becoming a journalist had been |c3>[tainted] by the past three years.] (click: ?c3)[I cast it |c4>[aside].] (click: ?c4)[[[I wanted nothing more to do with it.->5.2]]]

Some say the city can be a (link:"lonely place")[lonely place, but |c1>[it wasn’t for me]]. (click: ?c1)[If anything the bustle was a welcome distraction from the mundane stresses of starting a new job. I soon slipped into the idiosyncrasies of |c2>[London life].] (click: ?c2)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]Office workers scurrying to get to places they didn’t really want to go to.] (event: when $timer > 2)[Underground trains screeching like banshees, whisking commuters away into the night.] (event: when $timer > 4)[Tourists obstructing walkways with invisible blockades stretching between camera and subject.] (event: when $timer > 6)[A coffee chain on every street.] (event: when $timer > 8)[A bar on every other.] (event: when $timer > 10)[The occasional green space, deserted in winter, like overused flypaper in summer.] (event: when $timer > 12)[[[It was unlike anything I’d known before.->5.3]]]

(set: $ChosenInterest to "Games")\ I moved into a |c1>[flatshare] about thirty minutes down the road from my office. (click: ?c1)[My two (link:"flatmates")[flatmates – |c2>[Ines] and Colm –] were immediately welcoming.] (click:?c2)[Ines was a couple of years older than me. She worked as a nurse at (link:"St Pancras")[St Pancras; her long hours on the ward and inconsistent schedule meant |c3>[we didn’t spend much time together]].] (click: ?c3)[I had more |c4>[in common] with Colm.] (click:?c4)[He was a creative type: a web designer who dabbled in |c5>[improv theatre].] (click: ?c5)[(if: $ChosenInterest is "Books")[He was also an avid reader like me, and would lend me books from his extensive collection of sci-fi novels. [[We got on really well.->5.4]]](else-if: $ChosenInterest is "Movies")[He was also big into his movies. We’d spend Sunday afternoons working our way through the Netflix catalogue. [[We got on really well.->5.4]]](else-if: $ChosenInterest is "Games")[He and I both enjoyed playing (link:"video games.")[video games; updated iterations of the same titles I played ten years earlier.] We’d often pass weekday nights playing Call of Duty online with a few of his mates. [[We got on really well.->5.4]]]]

Every weekend Colm, Ines and I would |c1>[cook a meal together]. (click: ?c1)[What started as an ice-breaking activity soon became the highlight of the (link:"week")[week, a chance to relax and gossip and |c2>[enjoy each other's company]].] (click: ?c2)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]The first few months of living in London saw me slowly rebuild the confidence that had suffered so much at the hands of university professors and their overbearing expectations of academic excellence.] (event: when $timer > 2)[For the first time in three years, |c3>[I felt happy].] (click: ?c3)[And, as the present became more palatable, the past faded slightly, like a threadbare rug, its pattern worn away by the innumerable footsteps re-treading the (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[same path->5.5]].]

Then, out of the blue, Luke |c1>[messaged me]. (click: ?c1)+(t8n: "dissolve")[(if: $LukeAffinity >= 0)[“Hey, I see you’re in London now. (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[We should catch-up!->6]]”](else:)[“Hey man, I see you’ve moved to London. (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[We should hang out sometime.->7]]”]]

(align:"=><=")[#6]\ (event: when time > 1s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[We arranged to meet at a small |c1>[café] on the south side of the Thames, in between Waterloo and Vauxhall.]] (click: ?c1)[The conversation would be greased by bacon and eggs.] (event: when time > 2.5s)[|c2>[I arrived first.]] (click:?c2)[I order myself a coffee, and sit down at a table (link:"outside")[outside. It’s a |c3>[slow autumn day]; just about warm enough to sit outside in a t-shirt and jeans].] (click:?c3)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]Luke arrives soon afterwards.] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[He’s taller than I remember, and broader too.] (event: when $timer > 3.5)[His tanned forearms sheen in the early autumn sun.] (event: when $timer > 5)[On his wrist, a tattoo: two initials, and a feather.] (event: when $timer > 6.5)[His thick blonde hair is swept back behind a folded-up bandana headband.] (event: when $timer > 8)[[[I catch his eye with a wave.->6.1]]]

His face |c1>[lights up] when he sees me. (click:?c1)[“Hey mate, |c2>[how are you doing]!”] (click:?c2)[We greet each other with an embrace. |c3>[“It’s been too long!”]] (click: ?c3)[He puts down his |c5>[knapsack] by the table, and heads inside the café to order a drink.] (click: ?c5)[The bag bears the |c4>[bruises] of several long trips.] (click: ?c4)[I notice various round kernels of |c6>[thickly stitched fabric] affixed to the (link:"bag")[bag: the red monoclines of the Grand Canyon; the steepling verdant mountain that frames Machu Picchu; the spire of a palace I’d never seen before]. (click:?c6)[Pictorial souvenirs of |c7>[past adventures].]] (click: ?c7)[He returns with a steaming cup of coffee, and sits down in the chair |c8>[opposite me].] (click: ?c8)[I point to the bag, and ask about his |c9>[travels].] (click: ?c9)[[[“I see you finally got to visit the Grand Canyon.”->6.2]] [[“Is that Machu Picchu?”->6.3]] [[“What’s that palace?”->6.4]]]

“I see you finally got to visit the Grand Canyon.” “Mate, it was |c1>[immense],” he says, his eyes like suns. (click: ?c1)[“We stayed all morning and I still don’t feel like I took it all in, it was that |c2>[impressive].”] (click: ?c2)[“Before long we were back on the |c3>[coach] and heading back and I was still just… wow.”] (click: ?c3)[“You always said you were going to |c4>[drive].”] (click: ?c4)[“Turns out a road-trip across America isn’t easy to organise. [[I was never exactly a planner, was I?->6.5]]”]

“Is that Machu Picchu?” “It is!” He grabs his bag and shows me the |c1>[Machu Picchu patch]. (click: ?c1)[“Everyone has to go there, at least once,” he says. “The climb was breath-taking; literally |c2>[breath-taking].”] (click: ?c2)[“Then when you reach the top, and your head is literally in the clouds, and you look out over the rainforest, |c3>[a bit like we used to at home, but…]”] (click: ?c3)[“You feel like both the biggest man in the world, and the smallest, most insignificant little ant, [[at the same time->6.5]].”]

“What’s that palace?” “Oh, it’s not a palace. It’s a church, up the top of this mountain in |c1>[Bogotá].” (click: ?c1)[“Didn’t realise you |c2>[planned] on visiting Bogotá.”] (click: ?c2)[“We flew in there at the start of the South America trip. Awesome city. Way more modern than I thought it was going to be. And the coffee” – he stirs his drink – “puts this to [[shame->6.5]].”]

“But how have you been doing? |c1>[How did uni go?]” (click: ?c1)[I look down at my hands: the raised veins, the worn knuckles, the scar of a cigarette burn. |c2>[I want to tell him everything.]] (click: ?c2)[“Yeah, it was good,” I manage to say nonchalently. “|c3>[A challenge, but good.]”] (click: ?c3)[“I’m sure. The application alone did me in!” His smile breaks into a |c4>[childlike grin].] (click: ?c4)[“You kind of |c5>[went dark] towards the end,” he adds.] (click: ?c5)[“Yeah, the workload was a bit overwhelming. I should’ve messaged you really, |c6>[but…]”](click: ?c6)[|c7>[ I swallow my anxiety.]] (click: ?c7)[|c8>[“I’m sorry I didn’t stay in touch.”]] (click: ?c8)[“Don’t worry about it man! I get things can get |c9>[hectic].] (click: ?c9)[I meant to let you know I was going abroad; it just slipped my mind. [[But here we are.->6.6]]”]

We soon lapse back into our familiar routine, laughing and joking, |c1>[enjoying each other’s company]. (click: ?c1)[He seems (link:"freer")[freer, a weight clearly lifted since the |c3>[last time we spoke]].] (click: ?c3)[We eat lunch, then decamp from the café to walk along the |c4>[Thames].] (click: ?c4)[The conversation |c5>[meanders] as the river does.] (click: ?c5)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]We chat about current events and future plans.] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[We discuss our families, how our parents are coping with us no longer living at home, and what our siblings are up to.] (event: when $timer > 3.5)[And we [[reminisce->6.7]] about times gone by.]

(set: $Swung to false)\ (set: $Knife to true)\ (if: $Swung is true)[(event: when time > 1.5s)[“Remember when we found that old rope swing down by the castle forest?” Luke asks.] (event: when time > 3s)[“And you made me swing across that massive chasm.”] (event: when time > 4.5s)[“I didn’t make you, I just… |c1>[egged you on a bit!]”] (event: when time > 6s)[(if: $Knife is true)[“Oh yeah, just like when you ‘egged me on’ to stab up Mr. Scanlon’s bike tyres.” (event: when time > 7.5s)[Luke swings his head back and |c2>[laughs] into the clouds.] (click: ?c2)[“It’s not funny, I worried for months about him |c3>[finding out] I did it.”] (click: ?c3)[“He would never have found out.” Luke wipes a |c4>[joyous tear] from his eye.] (click: ?c4)[“For a start, [[it wasn’t actually his bike…->6.8]]”]](else:)[“You needed that extra push. You weren’t exactly the bravest back then.” (event: when time > 7.5s)[“If you mention Mr. Scanlon’s bike…”] (event: when time > 9s)[“Scanlon’s bike, exactly! You wussed out of that as well. [[And it wasn’t even his bike!->6.8]]”]]]](else:)[(event: when time > 1.5s)[“Remember when we found that old rope swing by the castle ruins?” Luke asks.]] (event: when time > 3s)[“Vaguely…”] (event: when time > 4.5s)[“You pussied out and wouldn’t swing across.”] (event: when time > 6s)[“I didn’t pussy out! The gap was too wide. It wasn’t safe.”] (event: when time > 7.5s)[(if: $Knife is false)[“Chickened out like you did with the |c5>[bike prank],” he goads me. (click: ?c5)[“Oh come on, it’s not like Mr. Scanlon had done anything to me. Why would I vandalise |c6>[his bike]?”] (click: ?c6)[[[“But it wasn’t Scanlon’s bike.”->6.8]]]](else:)[“Safety didn’t stop you from using my knife to slash up the tyres on that bike.” (event: when time > 9s)[I grimace. “Mr. Scanlon’s bike. I can’t believe you made me do that.”] (event: when time > 10.5s)[“Scanlon’s bike?” Luke’s barely suppressing a |c7>[smirk].](click: ?c7)[ [[“It wasn’t Scanlon’s bike tyres you slashed up.”->6.8]]]]]

I freeze. “What?” (event: when time > 1.5s)[“Yeah, it wasn’t Scanlon’s bike.”] (event: when time > 3s)[“Then whose was it?” I grind the gravel underfoot with the toe of my trainer.] (event: when time > 4.5s)[“I don’t know, some random from school.] (event: when time > 6s)[I saw it in a TV show and thought it looked cool. Cause a bit of mischief. Bit childish really.”] (event: when time > 7.5s)[“Luke, |c1>[I can’t…]”] (click:?c1)[I should've felt furious but all I could do was |c2>[laugh].] (click:?c2)[“I can’t believe you!” |c3>[Waves of laughter] ripple through my chest.] (click:?c3)[|c4>[Luke joins in.]] (click:?c4)[“I know, I know – I’m not proud of it. |c5>[But I also kinda am?]”] (click:?c5)[We stagger onwards, heaving with overwhelming laughter, forgetting where we are [[completely->6.9]].]

We talk deep into the afternoon, just the two of us, |c1>[like days gone by]. (click: ?c1)[The city seems to freeze around us. For a moment it feels like we’re back at |c2>[home].] (click: ?c2)[“You spoken to |c3>[Alex] at all recently?” Luke asks.] (click: ?c3)[|c4>[I shake my head.]] (click: ?c4)[“He’s in London now too. At music college. |c5>[We should meet up with him sometime.]”] (click: ?c5)[(if: $guitar is true)[“For sure, I haven’t seen him |c6>[since school].” (click: ?c6)[“Get the old |c7>[band] back together.”] (click: ?c7)[“That might be a step (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[too far->6.10]].”]](else:)[“For sure, I haven’t seen him (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[since school->6.10]].”]]

As the shadows lengthen we look for somewhere to rest our (link:"feet")[feet, and soon find an wrought-iron bench in the shade of a leafy |c1>[tree]]. (click:?c1)[We sit in (link:"silence")[silence, absorbing what remains of the setting |c2>[sun]].] (click:?c2)[A samara seed drifts down from above, its two brown wings twirling elegantly in the soft breeze, and lands in my |c3>[lap].] (click:?c3)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]I glance across at (link:"Luke")[Luke. He’s slouched on the bench, frowning at his phone].] (event: when $timer > 1.5)[I think back to the day we first (link:"met")[met, to those first nervous |c4>[conversations]].] (click:?c4)[We’d grown up (link:"together")[together. For so long we’d been |c5>[inseparable]].] (click:?c5)[Life without him felt like a (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[different world->6.11]] entirely.]

“The tree at home had |c1>[seeds] like this.” (click:?c1)[Luke is holding an identical seed between thumb and forefinger, |c2>[examining it] in the light.] (click:?c2)[He tosses it up into the air and watches it drift back down to the |c3>[ground].] (click:?c3)[He turns to me. “Do you remember that tree, on the |c4>[hill] behind your house?”] (click:?c4)[I smile, and |c5>[nod].] (click:?c5)[“Can’t believe how many days we spent up there, |c6>[just you and me].”] (click:?c6)[His eyes soften as he gazes off into the (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[distance->6.12]].]

Those days. (event: when time > 2.5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[Those slow autumn days.]] (event: when time > 5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[We sit in silence a while longer, watching the sunlight skip across the water of the river, looking out over the nacreous city on the opposite bank.]] (event: when time > 9s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(link: "Those days are gone.")[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)]Those days are gone (t8n:"dissolve")[but, ](event: when $timer > 1.5)[(t8n:"dissolve")[for the first time, ]] (event: when $timer > 3)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[I’m at peace with that->Fin]].]]]]]

(align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXX=")[#Fin]

He nods his head in acknowledgment, and wanders over to the |c1>[table]. (click: ?c1)[|c2>[“Hey man, how’s it going?”]] (click: ?c2)[He seems (link:"relaxed")[relaxed; freer almost – a weight clearly lifted since the |c3>[last time we spoke]].] (click: ?c3)[We clasp hands in a familiar yet awkward |c4>[greeting].] (click: ?c4)[He slings his |c5>[knapsack] down by the table and heads inside to order a coffee.] (click:?c5)[The bag bears the bruises of |c6>[several long trips].] (click: ?c6)[When he returns I open the conversation by [[asking about his travels->7.2]].]

(set: $Knife to false)\ (set: $Swung to true)\ “We went to South America (link:"first...")[first, through Colombia and Ecuador, and into |c5>[Peru],” he says, leaning back in the slatted bistro chair.] (click:?c5)[“Did you go to |c1>[Machu Picchu]?”] (click: ?c1)[I knew he’d been to |c2>[Machu Picchu]. I’d seen the photographs online.] (click: ?c2)[“Yeah, ‘course. |c3>[Wanted to go there since I was a kid.]”] (click: ?c3)[“It looks incredible. I wouldn’t mind |c4>[visiting] myself.”] (click: ?c4)[(if: ($Knife is true) and ($Swung is true))[“You should go, man; it’s awesome.” [[He sips from the steaming cup of coffee.->7.3]]](else-if: ($Knife is false) and ($Swung is false))[“The climb is pretty intense; I’m not sure you could handle it.” He smiles and sips his coffee.](else-if: (($Knife is false) and ($Swung is true)) or (($Knife is true) and ($Swung is false)))[“It’s pretty amazing, but the climb… I’ll warn you: the climb is [[intense->7.3]]]]

“Where else did you go?” |c1>[I ask]. (click:?c1)[“Just got back from the |c2>[States] actually.(click:?c2)[ Finally managed to get to the |c3>[Grand Canyon].](click:?c3)[ What a sight. It’s everything I imagined it would be, |c4>[and more].]”] (click:?c4)[|c5>[“Would you go again?”]] (click:?c5)[“Are you joking? Hundred percent! Took ages to get there though; |c6>[coach] the whole way.”] (click:?c6)[“|c7>[Bit like school trips],” I quip.] (click:?c7)[“Yeah, but |c8>[school trips were shit].”] (click:?c8)[“They weren’t all bad. |c9>[We had some laughs.]”] (click:?c9)[“I guess.” He pauses, |c10>[frowning slightly].] (click:?c10)[“You know me – I never really got on with |c11>[school].”] (click:?c11)[My strongest memories of school were of laughing and joking with Luke; I was |c12>[happy]. (click:?c12)[[[Was he not happy too?->7.4]]]]

“Anyway. Tell me what you’ve been up to in the |c1>[big city]?” (click:?c1)[I tell him about my job at the law firm, and my new |c2>[flatmates].] (click:?c2)[He chuckles when I mention Colm’s |c3>[improv group].] (click:?c3)[“Sounds like something Rhys would do. He always liked performing. |c4>[You spoken to him lately?]”] (click:?c4)[“Nah… We sort of |c5>[lost touch] during uni.”] (click:?c5)[“Thought it might just be me you |c6>[ghosted].”] (click:?c6)[I look down at my (link:"hands")[hands: the raised veins, the worn knuckles, the |c7>[scar] of a cigarette burn].](click:?c7)[ I think about explaining exactly why I was so (link:"distant for so long")[distant for so long, detailing the pit of anxiety that prevented me from |c8>[getting in touch]].] (click:?c8)[|c9>[But I can’t.]] (click:?c9)[“I didn’t meant to… It was just… [[a busy time->7.5]].”]

We eat lunch under a fog of (link:"indifference")[indifference. Luke checks his phone frequently, flicking his thumb absentmindedly across the glass, his eyes |c1>[glazing over]]. (click: ?c1)[(if: $Guitar is false)[“Do you still play the guitar?” I ask, a halfhearted attempt to reignite the |c2>[conversation]. (click: ?c2)[|c3>[“I dabble.”]] (click: ?c3)[“I still remember how effortlessly you’d write your own |c4>[songs].”] (click: ?c4)[“Well. I definitely haven’t done that in |c5>[a while].”] (click: ?c5)[He turns his head away from me like a nervous cat, distracted by the hubbub of [[passing pedestrians->7.6]].]](else:)[“Hey, remember our band?” I ask, a halfhearted attempt to reignite the |c6>[conversation]. (click: ?c6)[“Not really,” he says (link-reveal:"dismissively.")[ “Wait, was that the one with |c7>[Alex]?”]] (click: ?c7)[“Yeah, |c8>[on bass].”] (click: ?c8)[“Oh God, I remember now. |c9>[He was awful].”] (click: ?c9)[|c10>[“I think you taught him how to play.”]] (click: ?c10)[He scoffs and [[shakes his head->7.6]].]]]

We decamp from the café and walk down the river towards the (link:"train station")[train station, briefly |c1>[talking] about current events and future plans, about our families and what are siblings are up to]. (click:?c1)[But for the most part a chronic silence |c2>[lingers].] (click:?c2)[It’s not like before, on the golden hillside near home, when |c3>[silence] was a blanket, a soft comforter at a time of steady upheaval.](click:?c3)[ This silence (link: "smothered")[smothered, crushing my ribs and my |c4>[heart]].] (click:?c4)[I draw on shared memories to bridge the divide between (link:"us")[us, reminding Luke of our adventures in the (link:"countryside")[countryside, of the discovery of the rope swing in the (link:"castle grounds")[castle grounds, of all that time spent together on the (link:"hill")[hill, trying with increasing desperation to coax out a (link:"response")[response – just a flicker of |c5>[recognition]]]]]].] (click:?c5)+(t8n: "dissolve")[(t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[But nothing is forthcoming.->7.7]]]

Every memory I dredge up he dismisses, not as if he doesn’t remember, but as if |c7>[he doesn’t care to remember]. (click:?c7)+(t8n:"dissolve")[Our shared memories were just (link:"scars")[scars, scabbing over, crusting over, then [[fading away->7.8]]].]

We approach the station, and |c1>[Luke departs]. (click:?c1)+(t8n: "dissolve")[He passes under the tall arched entrance and |c2>[disappears] into a throng of commuters.] (click:?c2)+(t8n: "dissolve")[It doesn’t feel like an (link-reveal:"ending")+(t8n: "dissolve")[, but [[I know it is->7.9]]].]

I wander back down the river. (event: when time > 2s)[I think about my (link:"afternoon with Luke")[afternoon with Luke – a short rest at a crossroads in both our |c1>[lives]].] (click:?c1)[And I think about all the moments we shared when we were younger, crystallised into the memory of a |c2>[friendship] that had been placed on the mantelpiece and left to gather dust.] (click:?c2)[Was it as good as I |c3>[remembered]?] (click:?c3)[Or was the only thing we truly shared a time and a place when our need for companionship (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[aligned->7.10]]?]

A breeze scatters old leaves and twigs across my |c1>[path]. (click:?c1)[I notice a small winged seed trodden into the ground, and |c2>[look up].] (click:?c2)[A sycamore tree stands in front of me, rooted in a square of sandy earth bordered by (link:"concrete")[concrete, overhanging a battered |c3>[wrought-iron bench]].] (click:?c3)[I sit down and look out over the (link:"river")[river, its cloudy grey waters glittering in the |c4>[sunset]].] (click:?c4)[I think about the cavernous |c5>[abyss] that has opened up between me and Luke.] (click:?c5)[It’s too late to swing (t8n-arrive:"dissolve")[[across->7.11]].]

I think about returning to the (link:"hill near home")+(t8n:"dissolve")[hill near home, returning to those days whiled away under the |c1>[sycamore tree] with Luke]. (click:?c1)[(live: 1s)[(set: $timer to it + 1)](t8n:"dissolve")[The tree’s golden-green leaves rustle and sway gently in the air](event: when $timer > 2.5)[(t8n:"dissolve")[, and I'm swept away once more]](event: when $timer > 5)[(t8n:"dissolve")[ by the onrushing [[autumnity->Fin]]]].]

(set: $ChosenInterest to "Movies")\ “What kind of movies do you like?” “|c5>[Action movies],” he says enthusiastically. (click: ?c5)[“Oh, and (link:"heist movies")[heist movies. Have you seen Ocean’s Eleven? That’s my |movie1>[favourite film], for sure].”] (click: ?movie1)[|choice2>[(link: "“Oh yeah, I love thrillers.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it + 2)\ (set: $Movie to "Thriller")\ (replace: ?choice2)[“Oh yeah, I love thrillers.” “I really want to see that new movie with Will Smith – I Am Legend. |c4>[Looks awesome]!”]] (link: "“I’d rather watch something lighter. Comedies, for example.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it + 1)\ (set: $Movie to "Comedy")\ (replace: ?choice2)[“I’d rather watch something lighter. Comedies, for example.” “I like comedies too. You seen |movie5>[Hot Fuzz]?” (click: ?movie5)[|movie6>[“Yarp.”]] (click: ?movie6)[Luke guffaws. Nothing like a shared reference to |c4>[break the ice].]]] (link: "“I actually prefer documentaries.”")[ (set: $LukeInterests to it + 1)\ (set: $Movie to "Comedy")\ (replace: ?choice2)[“I actually prefer documentaries.” A look of bemusement immediately flashes across Luke’s face; the usual |c4>[response.]]]]] (click: ?c4)[[[The conversation moves on.->1.8]]]

(set: $LukeInterests to it + 1)\ (set: $ChosenInterest to "Games")\ “Do you have an Xbox?” “Yeah! What |games2>[games you play]?” (click: ?games2)[“FIFA mainly. And I’ve just got the new |games3>[Call of Duty].”] (click: ?games3)[“Same! I’m really into racing games too, like (link:"Need for Speed")[Need for Speed. You get to design your own cars; it’s pretty |c4>[cool]].”] (click: ?c4)[[[The conversation moves on.->1.8]]]