brevity quest

(display: "Variables") =><= **brevity quest** are you |war>[warrior], |wiz>[wizard], |prs>[priest]? (text-style: "subscript")[[[about|About]]] { (click: ?war)[ (set: $strong = true) (set: $magical = false) (set: $wise = false) (goto: "Goblins1") ] (click: ?wiz)[ (set: $strong = false) (set: $magical = true) (set: $wise = false) (goto: "Goblins1") ] (click: ?prs)[ (set: $strong = false) (set: $magical = false) (set: $wise = true) (goto: "Goblins1") ] }

goblins attack the village under cover of night [[organise the villagers|GoblinsOrg]] [[chase them down|GoblinsHunt]]

(if: $wise)[(set: $village_organised to true)(set: $goblin_solution to "organised")you are inspirational; the villagers fight well](else:)[(set: $village_organised to false)(set: $goblin_solution to "unsolved")there are many casualties; you are blamed] [[hunt the goblins down|GoblinsHunt2]] (if: $wise)[[[my work here is done|Choice1]]](else:)[[[give up, leave forever|Choice1]]]

the cave is thick with goblins [[attack|GoblinsFight]] [[talk|GoblinsTalk]]

the goblins are wounded, disorganised [[attack|GoblinsFight2]] [[talk|GoblinsTalk]]

seek your fortune in [[the capital?|Capital1]] or in [[a haunted mine?|Mine1]] { (if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[ (set: $goblin_sentence to "you convinced the goblins to become your allies")] (if: $goblin_solution is "scared")[ (set: $goblin_sentence to "you terrified the goblins and they fled, never to return")] (if: $goblin_solution is "killed")[ (set: $goblin_sentence to "you killed all the goblins")] (if: $goblin_solution is "organised")[ (set: $goblin_sentence to "you established a lasting peace between the villagers and the goblins")] (if: $goblin_solution is "unsolved")[ (set: $goblin_sentence to "you left the goblins to their devices; shortly afterwards, the village burned down")] }

(if: $strong)[the goblins scatter before your might the [[goblin chief|GoblinsChiefDisadv]] stands to defend his tribe](else:)[there are too many of them you are brought at spearpoint before the [[goblin chief|GoblinsChiefAdv]]]

the [[chief|GoblinsChiefAdv]], the [[shaman|GoblinsShaman]], or the [[mob|GoblinsMob]]?

the goblins scatter before your (if: $magical)[sorcery](else:)[might] the [[goblin chief|GoblinsChiefDisadv]] stands to defend his tribe

the goblin chief cowers before you [[slay him, scatter the goblins|GoblinsGone]] [[intimidate him|GoblinsScared]] [[cut a deal|GoblinsDeal]]

the goblin chief receives you in his lair, surrounded by his best warriors (if: $strong)[[[fight them|GoblinsGone]]](else:)[[[fight them|GoblinsDead]]] [[cut a deal|GoblinsDeal]]

(if: $wise)[(set: $death_sentence to "you were stabbed by a goblin mob after their shaman struck you blind")your gods are enemies! the shaman strikes you blind with an eldritch curse; you don't last long after that **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)[the shaman seeks to oust the chief and seize power [[aid the shaman|GoblinsCoupShaman]] [[aid the chief|GoblinsCoupChief]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the goblins do not care; they swarm around you, angry (if: (history:) contains "GoblinsOrg")[[[fight them|GoblinsFight2]]](else:)[[[fight them|GoblinsFight]]] [[distract them and flee|GoblinsFlee]]

the two of you overpower the chief; the shaman takes command in exchange for your aid, he agrees to stop the attacks on the village [[your work here is done|Choice1]] { (set: $goblin_solution to "allies") (set: $goblin_leader to "shaman") }

you agree to the shaman's plan, then betray him at the last moment the chief is grateful, and agrees to stop raiding the village [[your work here is done|Choice1]] { (set: $goblin_solution to "allies") (set: $goblin_leader to "chief") }

(set: $goblin_solution to "killed")You lay about you with your (if: $magical)[sorcery](else:)[weapon]; the chief dies first and the goblins flee, never to be seen again [[your work here is done|Choice1]]

(set: $goblin_solution to "scared")you tell the chief to run far away and never come back, and take his tribe with him he complies [[your work here is done|Choice1]]

(set: $goblin_solution to "organised")you point out the villagers' many natural advantages, and suggest that trade is a better arrangement for the goblins than violence the chief agrees, and a deal is struck(if: (history:) contains "GoblinsChiefAdv")[(set: $glib to true) **you have gained the trait "glib"**] [[your work here is done|Choice1]]

your (if: $magical)[spells are](else:)[will is] not enough; you are overwhelmed by the goblins' numbers and slain **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $death_sentence to "you were stabbed to death by a goblin mob") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $glib)[you were glib ](if: $aged)[your body was a wreck ](if: $profane)[you served a forgotten god ](if: $profane3)[which you then fed to an ancient undead ](if: $profane2)[you served an awful god ](if: $mine_servant)[your soul was branded by a dwarf necromancer ](if: $class_count > 1)[you multiclassed(if: $class_count is 3)[ a lot] ](if: $wealthy)[you were rich ](if: $famous)[you were famous ](if: $scarred)[you were horribly scarred ](if: $married)[you got (and stayed) married(if: $planar_spouse)[ despite your spouse being banished to hell and becoming part demon] ](if: $hero_beater)[you fought an entire adventuring party by yourself, and won! ](if: $dracurilla_servant)[you controlled a vampire gorilla ](if: $elf_society_collapse)[you were responsible for the ruination of elven civiliation ](if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[under your guardianship the land was afflicted with poverty and societal collapse ](if: $blackguard)[you turned your back on decency and humanity ] $goblin_sentence(if: $mine_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $mine_sentence](if: $capital_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $capital_sentence](if: $slavery_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $slavery_sentence](if: $sea_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $sea_sentence](if: $elf_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $elf_sentence](if: $undersea_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $undersea_sentence](if: $tomb_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $tomb_sentence](if: $giant_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $giant_sentence](if: $planar_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $planar_sentence](if: $plague_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $plague_sentence](if: $empire_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $empire_sentence](if: $secret_solution is not "ERROR")[ then $secret_sentence] in the end $death_sentence [[play again?|Start]] [[about|About]]

this game was originally written to create a proper multiple-choice adventure within a very limited word count but then I got carried away it's now ~29000 words in 723 nodes, making the name somewhat ironic brevity quest is brutally unfair in places and death can come out of nowhere with lightning speed, so make liberal use of the 'back' button if you feel like it by chris longhurst (text-style: "subscript")[the stonework texture in the city segments is originally from mb3d.com the great wave is obviously from hokusai] (if: (history:) contains "Goblins1")[[[play again|Start]]](else:)[[[play|Start]]]

(if: $magical)[(set: $goblin_solution to "unsolved")your flashy magic distracts them and you make a run for it so much for that adventure; [[what next?|Choice1]]](else:)[(set: $death_sentence to "you were stabbed by a goblin mob")"look, a dragon!" the goblins are not fooled; they stab you many times **you have died**] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the capital city! [[honest work|CapitalWork]] [[crime|CapitalCrime]] [[politics|CapitalPolitics]]

a haunted mine! (if: $wise)[[[enter, fearless|Mine2]]](else:)[[[investigate|Minvestigate]] [[pile in|Mine2]] (if: $magical)[[[weave your magic|MineSpells]]]]

zombies! (if: $wise)[[[turn undead|M2turn]] ](if: $strong)[[[destroy them|M2fight]] ](if: $girded)[[[expend magic|M2zap]] ][[run!|M2run]]

[[poke around|Min1]] [[ask around|Min2]]

(set: $girded to true)sorcery to defend against the undead thus girded, [[descend|Mine2]]

boot prints and old campfires not everyone here is the living dead [[descend|Mine2]]

a shifty dwarf was asking around about the mine, but nobody's seen her for weeks [[descend|Mine2]]

they crumble before your divine might [[further down|Mine3]]

you hack them apart [[further down|Mine3]]

(set: $girded to false)magic life to destroy death *ZART* the zombies crumble [[further down|Mine3]]

the zombies are slow and easily dodged [[further down|Mine3]]

the ghost hisses and fades [[find the bones?|MineBones]] [[press on|MineSidetrack]]

(set: $girded to false)spirit nails from your aura pin it into the underworld [[find the bones?|MineBones]] [[press on|MineSidetrack]]

(set: $aged to true)your weapon has no effect the spirit scowls and curses you with decrepitude! **you have gained the trait "decrepit"** you stumble [[away|Mine4]]

(if: (history:) contains "M2run")[you hear the groans of the zombies behind you (if: $aged)[but your feeble limbs can't move any faster! [[the horde has caught you|MineShitShitShit]] ](else:)[[[leg it|Mine5]]]](else:)[empty tunnels [[go deeper|Mine5]]]

(if: (history:) contains "Minvestigate")[(if: (history:) contains "Min1")[you ask it about the living soul you suspect is here](else:)[you ask it about the shifty dwarf] "i am bound to doom any who pass, but the binder lies elsewhere" the spirit points down a different tunnel, [[which you take|Mine4]]](else:)[(set: $aged to true)you ask it about being dead; the spirit scowls and curses you with decrepitude! **you have gained the trait "decrepit"** you stumble [[away|Mine4]]]

a skull set in a binding circle someone created this guardian [[press on|MineSidetrack]] [[turn back|Mine4]]

you descend all about you is shadow and stone and the overwhelming presence of a forgotten god [[bow down|MineMaster]] [[run|MineNoRun]] [[defy|MineDefiance]]

you're weak and slow and the zombies are all around (if: $wise)[[[turn undead|MineShitTurn]] ](if: $girded)[[[expend magic|MineShitZart]] ](if: $magical and not $girded)[[[unleash sorcery|MineShitSpells]] ][[fight|MineDead]]

a dwarf woman sits in a cavern lined with gold [[attack|MineDwarfFight]] [[talk|MineDwarfTalk]]

divine power crumbles the zombies to death [[move on|Mine5]]

(set: $girded to false)magic life to destroy death *ZART* the zombies crumble perhaps you should have done that earlier [[move on|Mine5]]

(set: $spells_gone to true)you have to adapt use all your power, and every spell you know except the one for locking doors that one's damn near useless but in the end you prevail [[move on|Mine5]]

(set: $mine_solution to "death")the spirit's curse steals your strength the zombies steal your life **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $death_sentence to "you were eaten by zombies") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $mine_solution to "slayer")(set: $mine_sentence to "you slew the necromancer in the mine")her eyes flick open; black magic gathers around her hands (if: $aged)[she amplifies the ghost's curse; you are struck helpless to the floor (if: $magical)[(if: $spells_gone)[(set: $mine_solution to "death")(set: $mine_sentence to "you died at the hands of the necromancer in the mine")you have no magic left to resist you have [[failed|MineDead2]]](else:)[but your magic is still yours; she burns at your command [[done. next?|Choice2]]]](elseif: $wise)[but your faith wards you against her necromancy; you stand once more you strike her down before she can cast again [[done. next?|Choice2]]](else:)[(set: $mine_solution to "death")(set: $mine_sentence to "you died at the hands of the necromancer in the mine")you have [[failed|MineDead2]]]](elseif: $strong)[but you are strong and she is too slow you cut her down [[done. next?|Choice2]]](elseif: $magical)[but you call down fire and she burns before her necromancy can work [[done. next?|Choice2]]](elseif: $wise)[your faith wards off the worst of her necromancy you strike her down before she can cast again [[done. next?|Choice2]]](else:)[ERROR - you're supposed to have ONE of the traits]

you introduce yourself she speaks words of power and you collapse "serve me" she says "and you will live" (if: $glib)[[[talk fast|MineChat]] ][[serve her|MineServe]] [[resist|MineDead3]]

(set: $mine_solution to "death")you are helpless against the necromancer she binds your soul as a ghost and your body as an abomination **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $death_sentence to "you were repurposed by a dwarf necromancer") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $spells_gone to false)(if: $wanted)[now there's a price on your head anyway ]the [[elves|Elves1]] want aid or seek (if: $wealthy)[another](else:)[your] fortune [[at sea|Sea1]]

she burns her mark into your soul and compels you to leave **you have gained the trait "soulbound"** [[that didn't go well|Choice2]] { (set: $mine_servant to true) (set: $mine_solution to "servitude") (set: $mine_sentence to "you avoided death at the hands of the mine necromancer by becoming her servant") }

(set: $mine_solution to "death")"so be it" she kills you, and makes monsters of your body and soul **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $death_sentence to "you rejected the necromancer's offer and she killed you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $wise)[you will not renounce your god [[run|MineNoRun]] [[defy|MineDefiance]]](else:)[(set: $wise to true)(set: $profane to true)you accept the presence as your new god **you have gained the trait "profane"** it guides you back onto [[the right course|Mine4]]]

(set: $mine_solution to "fled")(set: $mine_sentence to "you fled an ancient god in the haunted mine and barely survived")you are lost in the dark (if: $wise)[but a miracle guides you out](elseif: $magical)[but your magic transports you to safety](elseif: $strong)[but you fight back to the surface](else:)[ERROR] [[so much for that|Choice2]]

(set: $mine_solution to "death")you defy the ancient god it grinds you between its walls **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $death_sentence to "you defied an ancient god deep beneath the earth, and it destroyed you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you convince her you'd do better with free will but you still have to leave [[could have gone worse|Choice2]] { (set: $mine_solution to "glibness") (set: $mine_sentence to "your silver tongue kept you alive when the mine necromancer had you at her mercy") }

no one ever got rich through honest work [[stick at it|CapitalSettle]] [[crime|CapitalCrime]] [[politics|CapitalPolitics]]

join up as [[muscle?|CapitalCrimeMuscle]] or make a play for [[crime lord?|CapitalCrimeLord]]

make yourself [[useful?|CapitalLackey]] or [[fake nobility?|CapitalFakery]]

you settle down as (if: $strong)[a labourer](elseif: $magical)[a sage](elseif: $wise)[a priest] **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $capital_solution to "settled") (set: $capital_sentence to "you settled down into a normal life") (set: $death_sentence to "you died in bed, surrounded by your family") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $strong)[you bust heads for the underworld](elseif: $magical)[you become a crime lord's pet spellcaster](elseif: $wise)[you find a role advising a crime lord](else:)[ERROR -- you're supposed to have one of the qualities] a rival offers to pay you off [[take the money|CapitalCrimeBye]] [[show loyalty|CapitalCrimeLoyal]]

(set: $capital_solution to "left")(set: $capital_sentence to "you left the capital in a hurry after being thrown to the wolves")your patron leaves you swinging [[leave town quick|Choice2]] [[revenge|CapitalRevenge]]

you dress up and swan about (if: $glib)[[[people buy it!|CapitalFakeYes]]](elseif: $magical)[[[illusions seal the deal|CapitalFakeYes]]](else:)[[[no one buys it|CapitalFakeFail]]]

a dish best served cold [[make it poetic|CapitalIrony]] [[just kill him|CapitalMurder]]

{  (set: $death_sentence to "ERROR") (set: $goblin_leader to "ERROR") (set: $goblin_solution to "ERROR") (set: $goblin_sentence to "you died in the goblin lair, achieving nothing") (set: $mine_solution to "ERROR") (set: $mine_sentence to "you died in the haunted mine; your soul will be the next to be raised and bound") (set: $capital_solution to "ERROR") (set: $capital_sentence to "you died in the alleys of the capital, your possessions quickly redistributed among the urban scavengers") (set: $slavery_solution to "ERROR") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you died a slave") (set: $sea_solution to "ERROR") (set: $sea_sentence to "you went to sea and never came back") (set: $elf_solution to "ERROR") (set: $elf_sentence to "you died among the elves") (set: $undersea_solution to "ERROR") (set: $undersea_sentence to "you died in the mermaid temple") (set: $tomb_solution to "ERROR") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you braved a notoriously deadly tomb") (set: $giant_solution to "ERROR") (set: $giant_sentence to "you tackled the rampaging giant problem") (set: $planar_solution to "ERROR") (set: $planar_sentence to "you were banished to hell") (set: $plague_solution to "ERROR") (set: $plague_sentence to "there was a plague of undead") (set: $empire_solution to "ERROR") (set: $empire_sentence to "an empire invaded your homeland") (set: $secret_solution to "ERROR") (set: $secret_sentence to "your forgotten god tried to consume all life and light")  (set: $class_count to 0) (set: $glib to false) (set: $goblins_mistreated to 0) (set: $profane to false) (set: $profane2 to false) (set: $aged to false) (set: $spells_gone to false) (set: $mine_servant to false) (set: $wanted to false) (set: $wealthy to false) (set: $famous to false) (set: $nemesis to "ERROR") (set: $married to false) (set: $humiliated to false) (set: $crimerival to false) (set: $anti_geometry to false) (set: $blessed to false) (set: $girded to false) (set: $blackguard to false) (set: $restitution to false) (set: $freeer to false) (set: $scarred to false) (set: $poisoner to false) (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "ERROR") (set: $spouse_vampire to false) (set: $profane_dracurilla to false) (set: $profane_pirate to false) (set: $profane_golem to false) (set: $profane_goblin to false) (set: $profane_giant to false) (set: $dracurilla_servant to false) (set: $spouse_kidnapped to false) (set: $eric_down to false) (set: $trixie_down to false) (set: $grimthar_down to false) (set: $hero_hits to 0) (set: $hero_beater to false) (set: $planar_spouse to false) (set: $temple_kills to 0) (set: $disease_cured to false) (set: $elfsword to false) (set: $elfspell to false) (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "ERROR") (set: $communist to false) (set: $mweapon to false) (set: $king_goblin to false) (set: $stripped to false) (set: $profane3 to false) (set: $goblin_queen to false) (set: $dogslayer to false) (set: $wolftamer to false) (set: $onearmed to false) (set: $cold_count to 0) (set: $giant_king_tribute to "ERROR") (set: $bankrupt_kingdom to false) (set: $king_gone to false) (set: $elf_society_collapse to false) (set: $profane_count to 0) (set: $you_undead to "death knight") (set: $civilisation_collapse_count to 0) (set: $saved to 0) (set: $poison_knife to false) (set: $kingdom_fucking_ruined to false) (set: $demon_deal to "ERROR") }

you're going to need help [[no I won't|CapitalIronyFailMaybe]] (if: $magical)[[[spells will do|CapitalSpells]] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[[[goblins?|CapitalGoblins2]] ][[he's got other enemies|CapitalLeague]]

(set: $capital_solution to "left")(set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital then left in a hurry")(set: $wanted to true)you (if: $magical)[destroy him with magic](else:)[brutalise him] but the guards! **you have gained the trait "wanted"** [[run|Choice2]] [[fight|CapitalFightGuard]]

(if: $strong)[you are unstoppable the guards retreat [[find a new patron|CapitalNewPolitics]] [[clear your name|CapitalGuilty]] [[leave town|Choice2]]](else:)[there are too many for you to fight! [[surrender|CapitalExecution]] [[to the death!|CapitalLastStand]]] { (unless: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital") ] }

the new guy doesn't cross you [[get rich|CapitalGetRich]] [[get a reputation|CapitalGetRep]]

(set: $capital_solution to "left")but you're guilty? [[oh yeah, better leave|Choice2]] [[time to lie like a rug|CapitalFakeHero]]

you are sentenced to death (if: $glib)[[[talk fast|CapitalPlea]] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[[[goblin rescue!|CapitalGoblins]] ](if: $wise)[[[act holy|CapitalPlea]] ](if: $goblin_solution is not "unsolved")[[[I saved people!|CapitalPlea]] ](elseif: (history:) contains "CapitalArrest")[[[I brought in the other guy!|CapitalPlea2]] ][[damn|CapitalDead]]

it's a last stand people will tell stories about **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (unless: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital but died fighting the guards") ](else:)[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and were, briefly, the *worst* crime lord before your violent last stand") ] (set: $capital_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "it was an epic last stand, but it was still a *last* stand") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $capital_solution to "death")at least beheading is quick **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $death_sentence to "you were executed for your crimes") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $wise)[{ (unless: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord" or $capital_solution is "crime war")[ (set: $capital_solution to "banished") (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital and got banished") ](elseif: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and were, briefly, the *worst* crime lord before being arrested and banished") ](else:)[ (set: $capital_sentence to "in the capital you were arrested following a clash with a rival crime lord, and punished with banishment") ] } you act holy, and they let you off you're still banished though [[exit|Choice2]]](elseif: $glib)[{ (unless: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord" or $capital_solution is "crime war")[ (set: $capital_solution to "glibness") (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital and somehow got away with it") ](elseif: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and were, briefly, the *worst* crime lord before being arrested and somehow getting away with it") ](else:)[ (set: $capital_sentence to "in the capital you were arrested following a clash with a rival crime lord, but somehow got away with it") ] } it works! you silver-tongued devil, you [[better get out of here|Choice2]]](else:)[{ (unless: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord" or $capital_solution is "crime war")[ (set: $capital_solution to "banished") (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital and got banished") ](elseif: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and were, briefly, the *worst* crime lord before being arrested and banished") ](else:)[ (set: $capital_sentence to "in the capital you were arrested following a clash with a rival crime lord, and punished with banishment") ] } they appreciate how you handled the goblins you're still banished though [[exit|Choice2]]]

(set: $goblins_mistreated to $goblins_mistreated + 1)(set: $capital_solution to "left")(set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital, were arrested, and escaped with help from your goblin allies")your goblin friends save the day! [[best to move on|Choice2]]

you spread the story of your heroism (if: $glib)[[[people buy it!|CapitalSuccess]]](else:)[[[no one buys it|CapitalIgnominy]]]

(set: $wanted to false)(set: $capital_solution to "lied a lot")(set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital and conned everyone into believing you were a hero")you live the high life for a bit then you get bored [[what next?|Choice2]]

(set: $wanted to true)(set: $capital_solution to "left")(set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital and lied unconvincingly about it")everyone thinks you're a tool **you have gained the trait "wanted"** [[time to move on|Choice2]]

you get minted **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** also bored [[time to move on|Choice2]] { (set: $wanted to false) (if: $capital_solution is "goblins")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you had your goblin allies murder your traitorous patron, found a new patron and became rich") ] (elseif: $capital_solution is "cursed")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you ruined your traitorous patron with a terrible curse, found a new patron and became rich") ] (else:)[ (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital, found a new patron and became rich") ] (set: $wealthy to true) }

soon everyone knows your name **you have gained the trait "famous"** but you're so bored [[time to move on|Choice2]] { (set: $wanted to false) (if: $capital_solution is "goblins")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you had your goblin allies murder your traitorous patron, found a new patron and became famous") ] (elseif: $capital_solution is "cursed")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you ruined your traitorous patron with a terrible curse, found a new patron and became famous") ] (else:)[ (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital, found a new patron and became famous") ] (set: $famous to true) }

(if: $strong)[(set: $wanted to true)(set: $capital_solution to "left")(set: $capital_sentence to "you were betrayed by your patron, who you then ruined")you leave him penniless and weeping satisfying, but it's time to go **you have gained the trait "wanted"** [[so go|Choice2]]](else:)[[[it all goes wrong|CapitalMurder]]]

(set: $capital_solution to "cursed")(set: $capital_sentence to "you were betrayed by your patron, so you laid a terrible doom at his door")you curse him to inescapable ruin [[he'll never even know it was me|CapitalSubtle]] [[I want him to know it was me|CapitalBlatant]]

your league of villains destroys him [[but you are betrayed! again!|CapitalLeague2]]

(set: $capital_solution to "goblins")(set: $capital_sentence to "you were betrayed by your patron, so you had your goblin allies kill him")goblins are bad at poetry they just kill him but at least you're [[in the clear|CapitalSubtle]]

time to [[find a new patron|CapitalNewPolitics]] or maybe [[turn to crime?|CapitalCrime]]

(set: $wanted to true)curses are illegal! **you have gained the trait "wanted"** [[time to go|Choice2]]

sold into slavery by Pogo the halfling chef! [[curse him!|Slavery1]] { (set: $capital_solution to "enslaved") (set: $capital_sentence to "you banded together with other victims of your traitorous patron in the capital, achieving your revenge") (set: $nemesis to "Pogo") }

you're shipped far away to build sacred sites for an awful god the ground is muddy the rocks are heavy the overseers brutal (if: $wise)[[[sabotage the sites|SlaveryGeomancy]] ][[charm the overseers|SlaveryCharm]] [[plot rebellion|SlaveryRebellion]] { (set: $slavery_sentence to "you became a slave") }

you're at a soiree [[gamble|CapitalGame]] [[seduce|CapitalMarriage]] [[charm|CapitalCharm]]

your chutzpah attracts the attention of a crime lord you are [[recruited|CapitalCrimeMuscle]]

(if: $wise)[it's rigged [[cheat hardcore|CapitalGame2]] [[flip the table|CapitalUnnoble]]](else:)[you lose a fortune you don't have [[get violent|CapitalNobleFight]] [[come clean|CapitalNobleSlavery]]]

they're hot *and* rich oops, now you're engaged [[suits me|CapitalMarriage2]] [[run|CapitalFleeMarriage]]

your wit leaves them dazzled **you have gained the trait "famous"** but they want to know more best to [[leave|Choice2]] before they catch on { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital and made a name for yourself as a wit") (set: $famous to true) }

you win fat stacks of cash **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** best to [[leave|Choice2]] before they catch on { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital and won big in a rigged card game") (set: $wealthy to true) }

how impolite! [[time to leave town|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital but had to run after causing a furore") }

you do a lot of damage [[time to run|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital then got violent after losing big at cards") (set: $wanted to true) }

they laugh and forgive you! [[nice|CapitalNobleSlavery2]]

drugged! you wake up in chains, sold into slavery by Lady Grey [[curse her!|Slavery1]] { (set: $capital_solution to "enslaved") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital until you lost big at cards and were sold into slavery") (set: $nemesis to "Lady Grey") }

they want you to settle down [[again, suits me|CapitalNobleSettle]] [[I'll talk them round|CapitalNobleDiscuss]]

**you have gained the trait "wealthy"** they'll learn to love again [[flee|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital and fled after accidentally becoming engaged") (set: $wealthy to true) }

you settle down with your noble spouse **you have gained the trait "married"** **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $married to true) (set: $capital_solution to "settled") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital then married into the nobility for real") (set: $death_sentence to "you died peacefully, surrounded by wealth and grandchildren") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

they like the sound of the adventuring lifestyle! [[you elope|CapitalElope]]

**you have gained the trait "married"** that worked out well you and your spouse [[move on|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you faked being a noble in the capital and found a spouse willing to come with you on your adventures") (set: $married to true) }

the payoff is generous **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** but it's not safe to stick around [[time to move on|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you worked for organised crime in the capital, betraying your boss for money") (set: $wealthy to true) }

you stand by your boss but the law comes for her [[bye boss|CapitalCrimeRun]] [[take the fall|CapitalCrimeFall]]

[[back on the trail|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you worked for the capital crime clans until things got too hot") }

you take the fall your boss breaks you out **you have gained the trait "wanted"** she owes you big, but for now it's time to [[run|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "owed") (set: $capital_sentence to "you worked for the capital crime clans, taking the fall for your boss when the law came for her") (set: $wanted to true) }

goblin minions make good criminals [[a rival crime lord comes for you|CapitalCrimeRivalry]]

you're a veritable serpent, you silver-tongued rogue [[a rival crime lord comes for you|CapitalCrimeRivalry]]

violence always works in the underworld [[a rival crime lord comes for you|CapitalCrimeRivalry]]

there's a lot to be said for fanatics as a power base [[a rival crime lord comes for you|CapitalCrimeRivalry]]

your crime things suck **you have gained the trait "wanted"** the law comes for you [[run|Choice2]] [[fight|CapitalFightGuard]] { (set: $capital_solution to "worst crime lord") (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and were, briefly, the *worst* crime lord") (set: $wanted to true) }

a mob war! [[fight|CapitalCrimeFight]] [[talk it down|CapitalCrimeTalk]] [[walk away|CapitalCrimeLegIt]]

fight in the [[streets?|CapitalCrimeLoud2]] or keep it to the [[shadows?|CapitalCrimeSkirmish]]

you parley in the heart of the other boss' territory [[grovel|CapitalCrimeGrovel]] [[pay them off|CapitalCrimePayOff]] [[ambush them!|CapitalCrimeAmbush]]

you weren't feeling it anyway [[moving on...|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you were, briefly, a crime lord in the capital") }

how humiliating but at least the war's off [[back to business|CapitalCrimelordSuccess]] { (set: $capital_solution to "grovelled") (set: $capital_sentence to "you became a crime lord in the capital but had to grovel to your rival to survive") (set: $humiliated to true) }

they want almost everything [[fine|CapitalCrimePayOff2]] [[fight instead|CapitalCrimeAmbush]]

you attack! the odds are against you (if: $strong)[luckily you are a killing machine; your rival surrenders [[kill them|CapitalCrimeStab]] [[let them live|CapitalCrimeMistake]] ](elseif: $goblin_solution is "allies")[but suddenly, goblins! your rival is overwhelmed [[kill them|CapitalCrimeStab]] [[let them live|CapitalCrimeMistake]] ](else:)[it's not going well [[go loud|CapitalCrimeLoud]] [[surrender|CapitalCrimeSurrender]] [[to the death!|CapitalCrimeLastStand]] ]

(if: (history:) contains "CapitalCrimePayOff2")[(set: $capital_solution to "left")(set: $capital_sentence to "you were a crime lord in the capital until a rival extorted all your money away")there's no money in this business any more [[time to move on|Choice2]]](else:)[(set: $capital_solution to "crime does pay")(set: $capital_sentence to "you were a successful crime lord in the capital")(set: $wealthy to true)turns out crime *does* pay **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** you could [[keep doing this|CapitalCrimelordRetire]] or [[do something else|Choice2]]]

at least the war's off [[back to business|CapitalCrimelordSuccess]]

you settle into a long life of crime and infamy(if: $crimerival)[ then your rival returns! you lose the inevitable battle of wits] (if: $crimerival)[**you have died**](else:)[**your adventure is over**] |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $capital_solution to "settled") (unless: $crimerival)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you died in your bed, unassailable ruler of the capital underworld") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you died at the hands of your rival, following their convoluted revenge scheme") ] (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you shank them [[back to business|CapitalCrimelordSuccess]]

(set: $crimerival to true)you let them go you hear later that they swore vengeance upon you, but so what [[back to business|CapitalCrimelordSuccess]]

you take the fight outside the guards! [[escape in the confusion|CapitalLegIt2]] [[take my rival out at all costs|CapitalArrest]]

(if: (history:) contains "CapitalCrimeGoblins")[no mercy for goblin-lovers your rival cuts your throat **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $capital_solution to "death") (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and became a crime lord with the help of your goblin allies") (set: $death_sentence to "your crime rival killed you for having goblin allies") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](else:)[your rival laughs and sells you to slavers [[curse them!|Slavery1]] { (set: $capital_solution to "enslaved") (set: $capital_sentence to "you became a crime lord in the capital until you were captured and sold into slavery by a rival") }]

you go down (if: $magical)[burning the last of your spells](else:)[fighting] **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $capital_sentence to "you became a crime lord in the capital before getting killed in a mob war") (set: $capital_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "it was an epic last stand, but it was still a *last* stand") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

[[bye!|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you were a crime lord in the capital until a skirmish with a rival went loud") (set: $crimerival to true) }

(set: $capital_solution to "crime war")you are captured and tried [[sentencing?|CapitalExecution]]

{ (unless: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord" or $capital_solution is "crime war")[ (set: $capital_solution to "banished") (set: $capital_sentence to "you murdered your treacherous patron in the capital and got banished") ](elseif: $capital_solution is "worst crime lord")[ (set: $capital_sentence to "you went to the capital and were, briefly, the *worst* crime lord before being arrested and banished") ](else:)[ (set: $capital_sentence to "in the capital you were arrested following a clash with a rival crime lord, and punished with banishment") ] } they appreciate that you rounded up the other crime lord you're still banished though [[exit|Choice2]]]

the law gets involved [[escape in the confusion|CapitalLegIt2]] [[take my rival out at all costs|CapitalArrest]]

you need an edge (if: $magical)[[[spells|CapitalCrimeZart]] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[[[goblins|CapitalCrimeGobbos]] ](if: (history:) contains "CapitalCrimeCult")[[[fanatic cultists|CapitalCrimeFanatics]] ][[I've got nothing|CapitalCrimeGoingBadly]]

it's not going well [[surrender|CapitalCrimeSurrender]] [[to the death!|CapitalCrimeLastStand]]

sorcery solves a lot of problems your rival surrenders [[kill them|CapitalCrimeStab]] [[let them live|CapitalCrimeMistake]]

(set: $goblins_mistreated to $goblins_mistreated + 1)your goblins overrun your rival's forces and then the district and then they infest the city [[oops|CapitalCrimeOut]]

your cultists know no fear your rival surrenders and they kill him [[back to business|CapitalCrimelordSuccess]]

the guards are busy clearing out goblins [[time to go!|Choice2]] { (set: $capital_solution to "left") (set: $capital_sentence to "you were a crime lord in the capital until you lost control of your goblin minions") }

(set: $anti_geometry to true)this stone a few feet out of place a concealed sigil just there the sacred geometry is ruined [[the overseers are furious|SlaveryAngryOver]]

the overseers want you to convert (if: $wise)[[[no|SlaveryCharmNo]] ](else:)[[[sure|SlaveryCharmYes]] [[no|SlaveryCharmNo]] ]

you'll need an edge [[train them in secret|SlaveryRebellionTrain]] [[get them good gear|SlaveryRebellionGear]] [[a cunning plan|SlaveryRebellionScheme]]

a grand sacrifice to appease their god you are one of the chosen (if: $wise)[[[invoke my god|SlaverySacrificeInvoke]] ][[fight|SlaverySacrificeFight]] [[speechify|SlaverySacrificeSpeech]] [[beg|SlaverySacrificeBeg]]

(if: $anti_geometry)[your god empowers you! [[lay waste|SlaveryGodPoweredDestruction]] [[take over|SlaveryGodPowerRuler]] [[get free|SlaveryGodPowerFreedom]]]

(if: (history:) contains "GoblinsOrg")[you remember leading the village against the goblins same basic principle [[victory|SlaverySacrificeWin]]](elseif: $glib)[you make a moving speech some slaves fight but not enough [[die heroically|SlaveryHeroicDeath]] [[escape in the confusion|SlaverySacrificeEscape]] ](else:)[no-one else fights the overseers sacrifice you first **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "you were killed for an act of defiance") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

(if: $glib)[you whip the slaves into a frenzy they throw down the overseers! [[free the slaves|SlaveryRulerFree]] [[rule the slaves|SlaveryRulerAsshole1a]] (if: $wise)[[[force them to worship|SlaveryRulerAsshole]]]](else:)[you make a moving speech but it's not enough [[martyrdom|SlaveryHeroicDeath2]] [[escape|SlaverySacrificeEscape]]]

(if: $wise)[you worship the wrong god [[they do not listen|SlaveryDead]] ](else:)[they want proof of your devotion [[scar myself|SlaveryBegScar]] [[murder some people|SlaveryBegMurder]]]

you bring ruin to the sacred sites the overseers are struck down the slaves flee in panic [[my work here is done|SlaveryPreChoice3]] { (set: $slavery_solution to "destroyer") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you were enslaved until divine wrath set you free") }

you strike down the overseers you co-opt their sacred sites [[free the slaves|SlaveryRulerFree]] [[force them to worship|SlaveryRulerAsshole]]

a flash of light you are [[somewhere else|SlaveryPreChoice3]] { (set: $slavery_solution to "escaped") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you were whisked away from your enslavement by divine power") }

you wander, lost(if: $profane2)[ nightmares] [[and then...|Choice3]]

the slaves scatter [[my work here is done|SlaveryPreChoice3]] { (set: $freeer to true) (set: $slavery_solution to "hero") (if: (history:) contains "SlaveryRule")[ (set: $slavery_sentence to "you joined the slaver cult but freed the slaves") ] (else:)[ (set: $slavery_sentence to "you overthew the slavers and freed the slaves") ] }

(set: $blessed to true)you induct the slaves into your cult [[your god is pleased|SlaveryRulerAsshole2]]

heroes come to free the slaves [[wait I'm on the wrong side|SlaveryRulerChange]] [[fight them|SlaveryRulerAsshole3]]

(set: $freeer to true)you free the slaves (if: $goblin_solution is "unsolved")[this hero: her parents were killed by goblins you failed to stop [[fight|SlaveryHeroFight]] [[run|SlaveryHeroRun]] [[apologise|SlaveryHeroSorry]]](elseif: (history:) contains "CapitalCrimeSurrender")[this hero: her father died in your crime war [[fight|SlaveryHeroFight]] [[run|SlaveryHeroRun]] [[apologise|SlaveryHeroSorry]]](else:)[the heroes let you [[move on|SlaveryPreChoice3]]{ (set: $slavery_solution to "flipflop") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, but stood down when you realised what you were doing") }]

they're strong [[fight them myself|SlaveryRulerAssholeDeath]] [[have them fight my slaves|SlaveryRulerAsshole4]]

(if: $strong)[you cut her down](if: $magical)[she is no match for your spells](if: $wise)[you smite her] **you have gained the trait "blackguard"** her friends are furious [[fight|SlaveryHeroFight2]] [[run|SlaveryHeroFlee]] { (set: $blackguard to true) (set: $slavery_solution to "asshole") (if: (history:) contains "SlaveryRule")[ (set: $slavery_sentence to "you rose to rule the slaver cult but fled when heroes came to confront you") ] (else:)[ (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, then fled when heroes came to confront you") ] }

you don't want to face (if: (history:) contains "SlaveryRulerAsshole4")[them](else:)[her] [[so you don't|SlaveryHeroFlee]] { (set: $slavery_solution to "fled") (if: (history:) contains "SlaveryRulerAsshole4")[ (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, then fled when they refused to defend you") ] (else:)[ (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, then fled rather than fight someone you had hurt in the past") ] }

she accepts your apology time to [[move on|SlaveryPreChoice3]] { (set: $restitution to true) (set: $slavery_solution to "left") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, encountered someone you had hurt in the past, and apologised to them") }

you can't fight *all* of them **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "death") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, and fought the heroes who stood against you") (set: $death_sentence to "you died fighting those heroes") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

[[you make your escape|SlaveryPreChoice3]]

what could challenge someone like you? that one [[notoriously deadly dungeon?|TombofHorrors]] or that [[rampaging army of giants?|AgainsttheGiants]] { (set: $hero_hits to 0) (set: $spells_gone to false) (if: $strong)[(set: $class_count to it +1)] (if: $magical)[(set: $class_count to it +1)] (if: $wise)[(set: $class_count to it +1)] (if: $elfsword is true or $sea_explorer_choice is "magic knife")[ (set: $mweapon to true) ] (if: (history:) contains "Elves1")[ (if: (history:) contains "ElvesRevolution")[ (set: $elf_society_collapse to true) ] (unless: $disease_cured)[ (set: $elf_society_collapse to true) ] ] }

they kill you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "death") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult, and fought the heroes who stood against you") (set: $death_sentence to "you died fighting those heroes") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

your slaves won't fight (if: $strong)[[[terrify them|SlaveryRulerAsshole5]] ](if: $magical)[[[enchant them|SlaveryRulerAsshole5]] ][[fight the heroes myself|SlaveryRulerAssholeDeath]] [[give up, run away|SlaveryHeroRun]]

(set: $blackguard to true)your (if: $strong)[terrified](else:)[ensorcelled] slaves drive the heroes off **you have gained the trait "blackguard"** what now? [[settle down|SlaveryAssholeSettle]] [[get bored, move on|Choice3]] { (set: $slavery_solution to "boredom") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped control of the slaver cult and ruled with an iron fist until you got bored") }

you settle down as an evil slaver years later, a proper hero stabs you up people cheer **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "settled") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you usurped rulership of the slaver cult and treated them like expendable pawns in your plans") (set: $death_sentence to "you died when a proper hero finally got sick of your behaviour and shanked you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

your rebellion succeeds! [[free the slaves|SlaveryRulerFree]] [[rule the slaves|SlaveryRulerAsshole1a]] (if: $wise)[[[force them to worship|SlaveryRulerAsshole]] ]

you throw your life away so that others might escape **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "you were killed helping others escape") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

[[you vanish in the confusion|SlaveryPreChoice3]] { (set: $slavery_solution to "fled") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you tried to defy the slavers, but had to flee to save your life") }

you usurp the role of the overseers [[heroes show up to stop you|SlaveryRulerAsshole2]]

your death inspires the other slaves to free themselves **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "your death inspires the other slaves to free themselves; so not all bad") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the overseers sacrifice you first **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $slavery_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "you were sacrificed to an awful god despite begging for your life") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $scarred to true)ouch **you have gained the trait "scarred"** the overseers are impressed [[you alone are spared|SlaveryCharm]]

the overseers have seen murder before [[damn|SlaveryDead]]

new plan (if: $wise)[[[sabotage the sites|SlaveryGeomancy]] ][[plot rebellion|SlaveryRebellion]] (unless: $wise)[[[ok I'll convert|SlaveryCharmYes]]]

(set: $profane2 to true)they induct you into the cult of the awful god **you have gained the trait "profane"** [[serve|SlaveryServe]] [[escape|SlaveryCharmFlee]]

you rise through the ranks [[worship|SlaveryServeWise]] (unless: $magical)[[[study|SlaveryServeMagical]] ][[seize control|SlaveryRule]]

you can flee the cult but the god [[stays with you|SlaveryPreChoice3]]

(set: $wise to true)you learn the terrible rites of the awful god you decide to serve it [[out in the world|Choice3]]

(set: $magical to true)you learn the maddening spells of the awful god you are sent to serve it [[out in the world|Choice3]]

you attack the high priest! his blasphemy no match for your (if: $magical)[spells](else:)[strength] [[you are the high priest now|SlaveryAsshole2]]

[[free the slaves|SlaveryRulerFree]] [[rule the slaves|SlaveryRulerAsshole1a]]

you train them up the signal! (if: $strong)[the slaves overwhelm the overseers [[yes|SlaverySacrificeWin]]](else:)[your training doesn't help the slaves need something to fuel their cause [[martyrdom|SlaveryHeroicDeath2]] [[run for it|SlaverySacrificeEscape]]]

(if: $magical)[you enchant everyday items as weapons [[the signal!|SlaveryRebellionGear2]]](elseif: (history:) contains "CapitalCrime")[your criminal background comes in handy [[the signal!|SlaveryRebellionGear2]]](else:)[you steal what you can [[the signal!|SlaveryRebellionGearFail]]]

what's the plan? [[poison|SlaveryPoison]] [[giant tunnel|SlaveryEscapeTunnel]] [[divide the cult|SlaveryCultDivide]]

(if: $magical)[your enchantments](else:)[your stolen weapons] are just the edge you needed! [[victory|SlaverySacrificeWin]]

it's not enough the slaves need something to fuel their cause [[martyrdom|SlaveryHeroicDeath2]] [[run for it|SlaverySacrificeEscape]]

(set: $poisoner to true)the terrible magic of the awful god saves them! they come for you with fire and violence [[martyrdom|SlaveryHeroicDeath2]] [[run for it|SlaverySacrificeEscape]]

(set: $aged to true)it takes many years **you have gained the trait "decrepit"** but it works [[you're all free|SlaveryPreChoice3]] { (set: $slavery_solution to "tunnelled") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you were enslaved, and spent many years digging a tunnel through which you and the others all escaped") }

(if: $glib)[works a treat the cultists murder each other you and the slaves [[leave|Choice3]]{ (set: $slavery_solution to "glibness") (set: $slavery_sentence to "you manipulated your enslavers into turning on each other") }](else:)[the cultists turn on each other and on the slaves [[martyrdom|SlaveryHeroicDeath2]] [[run for it|SlaverySacrificeEscape]]]

plague has hit the elves! they want your help with [[the cure|Elves2]] { (if: $profane)[(set: $g_descriptor to "forgotten")] (elseif: $profane2)[(set: $g_descriptor to "awful")] (else:)[(set: $g_descriptor to "chosen")] }

salt spray, seagulls, decisions [[piracy|SeaPiracy]] [[pirate hunter|SeaHunter]] [[explore|SeaExplorer]]

(set: $wealthy to true)(set: $wanted to true)buckle that swash **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** **you have gained the trait "wanted"** there's a big price on your head [[front it out|PiracyFront]] [[hide|PiracyHide]] [[drink rum|PiracyRum]]

time to hunt the pirate king! [[call him out|PirateKingLoud]] [[sneak about|PirateKingQuiet]]

an island! [[check for natives|SeaExplorerNatives]] [[check for treasure|SeaExplorerTreasure]]

(set: $sea_sentence to "you were, briefly, an explorer; you discovered nothing")you find an abandoned shack a note reads 'run for your life' [[okay, bye|SeaExplorerBye]] [[screw it, keep looking|SeaExplorerLoot2]]

an abandoned ziggurat [[who built it?|SeaExplorerWho]] [[loot|SeaExplorerLoot]]

(set: $sea_sentence to "you were, briefly, an explorer; you discovered nothing")carvings tell a tale death magic primates [[leave now|SeaExplorerBye]] [[loot|SeaExplorerLoot]]

(if: not $wealthy)[|gold>[gold!] ]|mknife>[a magic knife!] { (click: ?gold)[ (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "gold") (goto: "SeaExplorerLoot2") ] (click: ?mknife)[ (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "a magic knife") (goto: "SeaExplorerLoot2") ] }

you sail away forget the sea; [[next adventure|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "left") }

(if: $sea_explorer_choice is "gold")[**you have gained the trait "wealthy"** (set: $wealthy to true)]oh no! vampire monkeys! (if: $wise)[[[turn undead|SeaExplorerMonkeyTurn]] ](if: $mine_servant)[[[use necromancy|SeaExplorerMonkeyTurn]] ](unless: $wise)[[[fight|SeaExplorerMonkeyFight]] ][[run|SeaExplorerMonkeyRun]]

(set: $sea_sentence to "you explored an island and found $sea_explorer_choice")*whumm* the vampire monkeys cannot approach [[explore more|SeaExplorerPriestGorilla]] [[leave|SeaExplorerBye]]

(if: $strong)[you chop them up [[explore more|SeaExplorerPriestGorilla]] [[leave|SeaExplorerBye]]](if: $magical)[(set: $spells_gone to true)you burn them up with your spells *all* your spells except that one for locking doors(if: (history:) contains "MineShitSpells")[ why *do* you know that one?] [[explore more|SeaExplorerPriestGorilla]] [[leave|SeaExplorerBye]]]

you run for your life forget the sea; [[next adventure|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "fled") (set: $sea_sentence to "you explored an island and found $sea_explorer_choice") }

a vampire gorilla!(if: $wise)[ it's too powerful to turn!] [[fight|DracuRillaFight]] [[run|DracuRillaRun]] [[negotiate?|DracuRillaTalk]] [[invoke the forgotten god|DracuRillaInvoke]] (if: $magical and $mine_servant)[[[call on powerful necromancy|DracuRillaCommand]]]

it's a *vampire gorilla* (if: $strong and $sea_explorer_choice is "mknife")[but you're a badass with a magic knife [[you shank it good|DracuRillaWin]] ](elseif: $wise and $sea_explorer_choice is "mknife")[but you have a magic knife and holy power [[you shank it in the name of your god|DracuRillaWin]] ](elseif: $magical and not $spells_gone)[but you've got a head full of fireballs [[you flash roast it|DracuRillaWin]] ](elseif: $magical)[and you used all your spells earlier if it was an unlocked door you'd be fine but it isn't [[and you're not|DracuRillaLose]] ](elseif: $sea_explorer_choice is "mknife")[but you have a magic knife which is less useful when it [[pulls your arms off|DracuRillaLose]] ](elseif: $strong)[you're a badass but vampire gorillas can't be hurt by normal weapons [[oh dear|DracuRillaLose]] ](else:)[[[it folds you into a surprisingly small volume|DracuRillaLose]] ]

it's so fast! (if: $wealthy or $married or $sea_explorer_choice is "mknife")[you'll need to distract it (if: $sea_explorer_choice is "mknife")[|knife>[drop the magic knife] ](if: $wealthy)[|cash>[throw money] ](if: $married)[|spouse>[throw your spouse] ]](else:)[you can't escape [[fight|DracuRillaFight]] [[negotiate?|DracuRillaTalk]] [[invoke the forgotten god|DracuRillaInvoke]] (if: $magical and $mine_servant)[[[call on powerful necromancy|DracuRillaCommand]]]] { (click: ?knife)[ (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "ERROR") (set: $temptext to "the magic knife you found") (goto: "DracuRillaEscaped") ] (click: ?cash)[ (set: $wealthy to false) (set: $temptext to "all your gold") (goto: "DracuRillaEscaped") ] (click: ?spouse)[ (set: $spouse_vampire to true) (set: $married to false) (set: $temptext to "your spouse") (goto: "DracuRillaEscaped") ] }

vampire gorillas don't negotiate it kills you instead **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "you were torn limb from limb by a vampire gorilla") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the earth opens and swallows the vampire gorilla [[that's quite enough|Choice3]] of life at sea { (set: $sea_solution to "profanity") (set: $sea_sentence to "you explored an island, encountered a vampire gorilla, and your profane god consumed it") (set: $profane_dracurilla to true) }

the necromancer taught you powerful magic [[you use it|DracuRillaCommand2]]

(if: $spouse_vampire)["you asshole!" **you are no longer "married"** but ](elseif: $temptext is "all your gold")[**you are no longer "wealthy"** but ]you get away [[that's quite enough|Choice3]] of life at sea { (set: $sea_solution to "fled") (set: $sea_sentence to "you explored an island, encountered a vampire gorilla, and sacrified $temptext to get away") }

the vampire gorilla is yours to command **you have gained the trait "owner of a vampire gorilla"** [[that's quite enough of life at sea|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "vampire_lord") (set: $sea_sentence to "you explored an island, encountered a vampire gorilla and seized control of it") (set: $dracurilla_servant to true) }

victory! you stick a flag in the island then on to [[new adventures|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "explorer") (set: $sea_sentence to "you explored an island, found $sea_explorer_choice and killed a vampire gorilla") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

that was brutal **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "you were torn limb from limb by a vampire gorilla") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

assassins attack! [[fight|PirateKingLoud2]] [[run|PirateKingRun]]

(if: $famous)[you're too famous! [[dammit|PirateKingLoud]]](else:)[you skulk the pirate king is on his [[secret pirate island!|PirateIsland]](if: $wise)[ wait. there's got to be [[an easier way|PirateKingEasyMode]]]]

but how? [[slay them all|PirateKingPlanB]] [[let one run|PirateKingPlanC]]

(if: $married)[they kidnap your spouse!(set: $spouse_kidnapped to true)(set: $married to false) **you are no longer "married"**](else:)[yikes] [[try a new plan|PirateKingPlanB]] [[give up|PirateKingBye]]

(if: (history:) contains "PirateKingLoud2")[you lay waste to them satisfying but you still don't know where the pirate king is ]time for a new plan (if: $strong)[[[kill pirates|PirateFindHim]] ](if: $magical)[[[divination|PirateFindHim]] ](if: $wealthy)[[[money talks|PirateFindHim]] ][[give up|PirateKingFail]]

forget that; [[next adventure|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "left") (set: $sea_sentence to "you tried hunting the pirate king but were scared off") }

you follow her to a floating fortress [[get in there|PirateKingFortAssault]] [[ask around for info first|PirateKingFortWait]]

a local fishwife tells you about the pirate king he fights with his pirate ghost but enough salt will drive it away he himself is kind of a wuss but wait! [[he's sailed away!|PirateKingPlanB]]

(if: $strong)[good job you're a badass [[many corpses later|FortBossFight]]](elseif: $magical)[that's a lot of pirates burn [[all|FortAllSpells]] your spells or just [[some|FortSomeSpells]] of them?](else:)[you're terribly outnumbered (if: $wealthy)[[[throw money|FortCash]] ][[get beat|FortLose]]]

you run a long way away the pirate king continues his piracy oh well; [[moving on|Choice3]]

you talk your way into the presence of [[the pirate king|FortBossFight]]

the pirate king is super-hot he strikes a pose (if: $spouse_kidnapped)[he offers to return your spouse if you leave now [[okay|FortSpouseBack]] [[nope|FortSpouseGone]] ](elseif: not $married)[he suggests the two of you hook up and rule the seas [[okay|FortPirateHusband]] (if: (history:) contains "FortParley")[[[nope|FortBossPirateFight]] ](else:)[[[nope|FortBossFightFight]]] ](else:)[(if: (history:) contains "FortParley")[[[it's a fighting pose!|FortBossPirateFight]] ](else:)[[[it's a fighting pose!|FortBossFightFight]]] ]

(set: $spells_gone to true)you sweep them aside with your arcane might [[onward|FortBossFight]] to the pirate king!

it's not enough spells you are beaten [[senseless|FortLose]]

(set: $wealthy to false)you buy off all the pirates **you are no longer "wealthy"** [[onward|FortBossFight]] to the pirate king!

they throw you into the sea [[glub|UnderseaAdventure]] { (set: $sea_solution to "overboard") (set: $sea_sentence to "you hunted the pirate king and his crew threw you overboard") }

(set: $hero_hits to 0)you wake up in a cave a damp cave with stalactite bars [[um|Undersea2]] { (set: $undersea_solution to "plaiceholder") (set: $undersea_sentence to "you escaped from an undersea temple") }

(set: $goblins_mistreated to $goblins_mistreated + 1)pirates vs goblins! goblins win [[onward|FortBossFight]] to the pirate king!

your spouse is back **you have regained the trait "married"** but the pirate king is long gone oh well; [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $married to true) (set: $spouse_kidnapped to false) (set: $sea_solution to "IDK") (set: $sea_sentence to "you hunted the pirate king but let him go in exchange for the return of your spouse") }

he suggests the two of you hook up and rule the seas instead [[okay|FortPirateHusband]] [[nope|FortBossFightFight]]

you make out with the pirate king *hot* later, you rule the seas together **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "settled") (set: $sea_sentence to "you found the pirate king and the two of you ruled the seas as a super-hot power couple") (if: (history:) contains "FortSpouseGone")[ (set: $death_sentence to "your spouse escaped eventually and killed you by way of revenge") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you died a famous pirate, surrounded by crew and fashion models") ] (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the pirate king has a pirate ghost who fights for him! (if: $wise)[[[dispel it|FortBossTurnIt]] ](if: $magical and not $spells_gone)[[[magic it|FortBossZapIt]] ](if: (history:) contains "PirateKingFortWait")[[[salt it|FortBossSaltIt]] ](if: (history:) contains "PirateIsland" and $profane)[[[invoke your profane god|FortBossProfane]] ]ignore it and [[fight the king|FortBossFight3]]

*whumm* the ghost cannot approach! you punch out the pirate king [[victory!|PirateKingDefeated]]

*zart* you zap the ghost you punch out the pirate king [[victory!|PirateKingDefeated]]

(if: $strong and not $aged)[you dodge the ghost and punch out the pirate king with panache [[yeah!|PirateKingDefeated]] ](elseif: $strong and $aged)[you dodge the ghost except you're still slow from the other ghost this time the drain is deadly|PirateKingGhostKill **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "the pirate king's ghost guardian drained your life") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](elseif: $aged)[your last encounter with a ghost was bad this one kills you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "the pirate king's ghost guardian drained your life") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](else:)[(set: $aged to true)the ghost catches you! health and vitality drain away but you can still just about knock out the pirate king **you have gained the trait "decrepit"** [[victory|PirateKingDefeated]], of a sort ]

salt! the ghost recoils; it cannot approach you punch out the pirate king [[victory!|PirateKingDefeated]]

(if: $spouse_kidnapped)[(set: $spouse_kidnapped to false)(set: $married to true)your spouse is happy to be rescued **you have regained the trait "married"** ](set: $wealthy to true)you turn in the pirate king for the bounty **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** [[nice|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "beat the pirate king") (set: $sea_sentence to "you hunted the pirate king, defeated him, and turned him in for his bounty") }

all the other pirates grab you they throw you [[in the sea|UnderseaAdventure]]

oh well [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "gave up") (set: $sea_sentence to "you hunted the pirate king but gave up when you ran out of ideas") }

(if: $strong or $wealthy)[eventually, someone gives up the king ](if: $magical or $wise)[you scry on the pirate king ]he's on a [[secret island|PirateIsland]]

the secret island is a fortress crawling with pirates [[kill everybody|IslandKill]] [[sneak in|IslandSneak]] (if: $glib)[[[talk my way in|IslandTalk]] ]

that was a bad idea there are a *lot* of pirates (if: $strong)[they stab you up, but you survive [[slink away to lick my wounds|IslandFail]] ](else:)[they stab you up **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "you tried to fight an entire island of pirates; it didn't work out") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

you sneak past many, *many* pirates time to [[face the pirate king!|IslandTalk]]

(unless: (history:) contains "IslandSneak")[the pirates let you in ]the pirate king! he's super hot(if: $spouse_kidnapped)[ (and your spouse tied up! also super hot) the pirate king](else:)[ he] strikes a cool pose [[challenge him|IslandTalk2]] [[get stuck in|IslandTalkFail]] (if: $magical and not $spells_gone)[cast a spell ]

that's quite enough hunting the pirate king [[next|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "gave up") (set: $sea_sentence to "you hunted the pirate king, fought an entire island of pirates, and just about survived") }

"fight me one-on-one!" (if: $strong)["why?" [[pride|IslandPride]] [[show off|IslandRep]] [[oily wrestling|IslandFlirt]]](else:)["okay" [[stabbin' time|FortBossFightFight]]]

he laughs in your face "minions, slay!" (if: $strong)[his pirates stab you up but you survive [[slink away to lick my wounds|IslandFail]] ](else:)[they do exactly that **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "the pirate king had his minions stab you up and throw you off a tall building") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

he can't resist a chance to show off [[stabbin' time|FortBossFightFight]]

one raised eyebrow "flirting?" [[yes|IslandFlirt2]] [[no|IslandPride]]

he suggests the two of you hook up and rule the seas [[okay|FortPirateHusband]] [[nope|IslandPride]]

the element of surprise! (if: $strong)[you scatter the pirates the pirate king strikes a pose! (if: $spouse_kidnapped)[he offers to return your spouse if you leave now [[okay|FortSpouseBack]] [[nope|FortSpouseGone]] ](elseif: not $married)[he suggests the two of you hook up and rule the seas [[okay|FortPirateHusband]] (if: (history:) contains "FortParley")[[[nope|FortBossPirateFight]] ](else:)[[[nope|FortBossFightFight]]] ](else:)[(if: (history:) contains "FortParley")[[[it's a fighting pose!|FortBossPirateFight]] ](else:)[[[it's a fighting pose!|FortBossFightFight]]] ]](else:)[you attack an army of pirates by yourself **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $death_sentence to "the pirate king had his minions stab you up and throw you off a tall building") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

his floating fortress! marginally easier [[get in there|PirateKingFortAssault]] [[ask around for info first|PirateKingFortWait]] [[the hell with this|PirateKingFail]]

(set: $famous to true)you tie up in port **you have gained the trait "famous"** "come and get me" [[they do|PiracyPortFight]]

you are the most boring pirate [[your crew abandons you|PiracyHide2]]

the crew want rum too [[nope.|PiracyRum2]] all for me [[sure. how bad could it get?|PiracyRumCrew]]

the crew throws your drunk ass overboard [[what?|UnderseaAdventure]] { (set: $sea_solution to "overboard") (set: $sea_sentence to "you went to sea, drank all the ship's rum, and your crew threw you overboard") }

your drunk crew crash into a port! [[oops|PiracyPortFight]]

the guard comes to arrest you(if: $famous)[ and some heroes! you'll need to [[deal with them|PiracyFightHeroes]] first](else:)[ [[fight the guard myself|PiracyPortGuardSelf]] (unless: (history:) contains "PiracyRumCrew")[[[let my pirates handle it|PiracyPortGuardPirates]]](else:)[[[let my pirates handle it|PiracyPortGuardPiratesDrunk]]]]

(if: $hero_hits is 2)[and that's you done for **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became an infamous pirate") (set: $death_sentence to "you were defeated by eric, grimthar, and trixie -- adventurers extraordinaire!") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](else:)[(if: $hero_hits is 1)[you're hurt, but still kicking](else:)[you'll have to take all of them] (unless: $eric_down)[[[eric the cleric|PiracyEric]]](else:)[(text-style: "strike")[eric the cleric]] (unless: $trixie_down)[[[magic trixie|PiracyTrixie]]](else:)[(text-style: "strike")[magic trixie]] and (unless: $grimthar_down)[[[grimthar ogreblood painbringer III|PiracyGrimthar]]](else:)[(text-style: "strike")[grimthar ogreblood painbringer III]] (if: $grimthar_down and $trixie_down and $eric_down)[[[victory!|PiracyWinSortOf]] sort of]]

(if: $strong)[you make with the violence](elseif: $magical)[your spells lay waste](elseif: $wise)[you invoke your god's wrath] so much for that but wait! they've got [[an iron golem!|FuckAnIronGolem]]

your folks handle it but there aren't many left your pirating career is over [[oh well|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "rubbish pirate") (set: $sea_sentence to "you got rich on piracy") }

(set: $profane_pirate to true)*sllrrrr* the ghost is consumed you punch out the pirate king [[victory!|PirateKingDefeated]]

they're way too drunk [[it's all you|PiracyPortGuardSelf]]

(if: $strong)[your weapon bounces off!](elseif: $spells_gone)[you've got no spells left!](else:)[your spells do nothing!] iron golems suck! (if: $strong)[[[fight *harder*|GolemStab]] ](if: $married)[my spouse is [[ready...|GolemSpouse]] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[[[goblin trickery!|GolemGoblin]] ](if: $magical and not $spells_gone)[pfft. time for [[*high-level* magic|GolemBlat]] ](if: $profane)[invoke my [[profane god|GolemProfane]] ][[run|GolemRun]] [[heroic last stand!|GolemDie]]

(set: $famous to true)(set: $scarred to true)only you would headbutt an iron golem to death **you have gained the trait "famous"** **you have gained the trait "scarred"** everyone is terrified [[victory|PiracyVictory]]

your spouse takes the harbourmaster hostage! he orders the golem to stand down [[blow a kiss|PiracyVictory]]

the goblins taught you how to fight big, dangerous enemies with this: it's a bomb the iron golem is blown to bits [[easy|PiracyVictory]]

*ZART* nothing left of the golem not much left of the town [[I win|PiracyVictory]]

(set: $profane_golem to true)the earth swallows the golem [[on to the looting|PiracyVictory]]

(if: (history:) contains "PiracyRumCrew")[your crew are drunk your boat is wrecked then the golem catches you [[ouch|GolemDie]]](else:)[iron golems can't float! you sail away your crew are [[unhappy|CrewUnhappy]]]

it's brief and violent **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became an infamous pirate") (set: $death_sentence to "you were beaten to death by the port authority iron golem") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

your piratical supremacy is uncontested [[settle down|PiracySettle]] to a life of nautical crime? or [[go do something else?|PiracyPreChoice3]]

[[abandon piracy|PiracyCease]] [[push them hard|PiracyFuckThis]]

you slink away [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "gave up") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became a pirate but gave up after a disastrous raid") }

while you sleep your crew throw you overboard [[zzz-what?|UnderseaAdventure]] { (set: $sea_solution to "overboard") (set: $sea_sentence to "you screwed up a pirate raid and your disgruntled crew threw you overboard") }

(set: $event to (random: 1, 2))(set: $eric_down to true)his god favours him! (if: $magical)[so you use a spell to banish him to his god's presence bye eric! [[next|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](elseif: $wise or $profane)[does your god favour you? (if: $wise)[it's a [[chaos god|EricChaos]] it's a [[society god|EricSociety]] ](if: $profane)[it's a [[forgotten god|EricForgotten]]] ](else:)[he heals faster than you can hurt him it looks [[bad|EricFight]]]

(set: $trixie_down to true)she knows every spell! (if: $strong)[but she sucks at fighting you knock her out with her own gigantic spellbook [[next?|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](elseif: $magical)[how will you play this arcane duel? [[go big, early|TrixieBlam]] [[play it slow|TrixieSlow]] (if: $grimthar_down)[[[get physical|TrixieBiff]] ](if: $eric_down and $glib)[[[flattery|TrixieFlatter]] ]](elseif: $wise)[you can't get close! you're about to get exploded [[throw a shoe|TrixieShoe]] (if: $married)[your spouse [[throws a shoe|TrixieSpouse]] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[a goblin [[throws a shoe|TrixieGoblin]] ]]

(set: $grimthar_down to true)oh god he's huge (if: $wise)[you pose him a riddle that'll keep him busy [[next|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](elseif: $strong)[you flex at each other *damn* (unless: $eric_down and $trixie_down)[(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)but he can't let his friends down! you win the fight but he gets some good hits in [[ouch|PiracyFightHeroes]]](else:)[he reckons you should be bros instead of fighting [[yeah!|PiracyFightHeroes]]] ](elseif: $magical)[magic-resistant too it's looking bad (if: $married)[your spouse distracts him! [[whew|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](elseif: not $spells_gone)[you use your most powerful spells! [[it's just enough|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](else:)[he crushes you in his giant hands **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "death") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became an infamous pirate") (set: $death_sentence to "you were crushed by the adventurer Grimthar") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]]

(set: $hero_beater to true)you still need to handle the guard [[fight the guard myself|PiracyPortGuardSelf]] (unless: (history:) contains "PiracyRumCrew")[[[let my pirates handle it|PiracyPortGuardPirates]]](else:)[[[let my pirates handle it|PiracyPortGuardPiratesDrunk]]]

(set: $spells_gone to true)no one expects (if: $mine_servant)[*gretchen's zombie marching band*](elseif: $goblin_solution is "allies")[*baru's exploding crab*](else:)[*ziploc's peasant railgun*]*!* plus all the magic missiles you can think of [[that does the trick|PiracyFightHeroes]]

(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)she knows *every* spell by the time she's out you're cursed and confused and slightly on fire [[ouch|PiracyFightHeroes]]

no one expects the melee wizard! *biff* and down she goes! [[who's next?|PiracyFightHeroes]]

you compliment her robes (they really are very nice) she says "thank you" instead of a counterspell blam! [[who's next?|PiracyFightHeroes]]

(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)trixie's a powerful wizard she knows how to deflect a shoe and she hits you with *fulgor's rain of boots* in return [[ouch|PiracyFightHeroes]]

(set: $married to false)(set: $planar_spouse to true)trixie teleports your spouse to limbo! **you are no longer "married"** so you banish trixie to the astral plane *pop* [[next|PiracyFightHeroes]]

it's so rank trixie stops to be sick you banish her to the astral plane [[next|PiracyFightHeroes]]

divine favour is random! your god flips a celestial coin (if: $event is 1)[you win your god makes eric cripplingly indecisive victory! [[next|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](else:)[(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)you lose your god sends you a vision of it flipping you the finger eric beats you about the face and neck [[ouch|PiracyFightHeroes]] ]

(if: $married or $famous or $village_organised)[(if: $married)[your marriage pleases your god](elseif: $famous)[your fame pleases your god](elseif: $village_organised)[remember that village you organised way back when? your god does] it curses eric with loneliness eric slinks off victory! [[next|PiracyFightHeroes]] ](else:)[(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)what have you done for society lately? eric smites you [[ouch|PiracyFightHeroes]] ]

everything goes dark when the shadows lift eric is gone [[good?|PiracyFightHeroes]]

turns out crime does pay! **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $sea_solution to "settled") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became the ultimate pirate") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of rum and became a pirate ghost") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

so long ocean! [[what's next?|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "win") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became the ultimate pirate") }

Node: (print: (passage:)'s name) ----

let's get doctoring! [[examine the bodies|ElvesBodies]] (if: $magical)[[[divination magic will solve this!|ElvesDiv]] ](if: $wise)[[[just cure it with divine magic|ElvesCure]] ](unless: (history:) contains "ElvesSafe")[[[wait is it safe?|ElvesSafe]]] {  }

a lot of plague victims but wait! some of these elves were [[poisoned!|ElvesPoisoned]]

this plague is of [[magical|ElvesFindCultist]] origin! also some of the elves were [[poisoned|ElvesPoisoned]] but which will you investigate?

(if: $profane or $profane2)[your $g_descriptor god forbids it! welp, [[forget this then|ElvesQuit]] curious! I should [[investigate|ElvesDig]]](else:)[(set: $disease_cured to true)you make with the big heals turns out some of the dead elves were [[poisoned|ElvesPoisoned]]]

turns out the plague only infects elves [[alright then|Elves2]]

you leave the elves to their (unless: $disease_cured)[disease](else:)[intrigue] [[bye|Choice3]] { (unless: $disease_cured)[ (set: $elf_solution to "diseased") (if: $profane or $profane2)[ (set: $elf_sentence to "you learned of a plague on the elves and left them to their suffering") ] (else:)[ (set: $elf_sentence to "you learned of a plague on the elves and mostly did nothing") ] ] (else:)[ (set: $elf_solution to "cured and ran") (set: $elf_sentence to "you healed the plague among the elves but ran away from their intrigue") ] }

your $g_descriptor god *wants* the elves to suffer! ok cool [[I'm out|ElvesQuit]] but [[*why*?|ElvesDig2]]

looks like someone was poisoning the elf nobility [[investigate|ElvesNobleDig]] too political for me; [[I'm out|ElvesQuit]] wait what about the [[plague?|ElvesWait]]

the dead elves were all critical of the elf princess [[confront her|ElvesConfrontPrincess]] [[support a rival|ElvesSupportRival]] [[nope, too political|ElvesQuit]]

a furtive cultist explains the elves are dumping their waste into the holy places beneath the earth (if: $profane or $profane2)[blasphemy! [[but I don't care|ElvesQuit]]](else:)[[[I don't care|ElvesQuit]]] [[I care *a lot*.|ElvesChoice]]

will you express your displeasure with (if: $strong)[[[violence?|ElvesLayWaste]]](else:)[[[destruction?|ElvesLayWaste]]] or [[stern words?|ElvesPreConfrontPrincess]]

you wreck their fancy stuff! then half a dozen immortal warriors carve you into chunks; turns out elves can be pretty hardcore **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you discovered nefarious conduct among the elves, and lashed out") (set: $death_sentence to "the elves killed you for damaging their decor") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you gain an audience with the elf princess you point the finger "it was all you!" her guards [[jump you|ElvesDead]]

[[confront the princess?|ElvesConfrontPrincess]] or [[throw down their society?|ElvesSupportRival]]

you quietly find an elf noblewoman who's in line for the throne she can get you close to the princess but you'll have to kill her yourself [[leave it to me|ElvesAssassin]] [[no way;|ElvesQuit]] I'm not an assassin (if: (history:) contains "ElvesPreConfrontPrincess")[[[no, I meant end their *whole society*|ElvesRevolution]]]

even a (if: $strong)[badass](elseif: $wise)[priest](else:)[magic user] as mighty as you can't fight all of them the elf princess doesn't even look at you as she signs the order for your execution **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you confronted the elf princess over her nefarious deeds") (set: $death_sentence to "the elf princess had you executed for spoiling her day") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the princess is visiting her parents' graves alone *zap* you are teleported in! (if: $strong)[[[shank her|ElvesPrincessShank]] ](if: $wise or $magical)[[[zap her|ElvesPrincessZap]]]

your weapon bounces off her dress elven enchantment! she calls you names and kicks you through a crypt elven kung fu! [[this may be trickier than you expected|ElvesPrincessFight]]

*zap* but she counterspells! *paz* what's that she's casting now? *limited wish?* [[...this may be trickier than you anticipated|ElvesPrincessFight]]

(if: $mine_servant)[but then! the dwarf necromancer from the mine [[channels her magic|ElvesPrincessFightNecro]] through you ](else:)[you (if: $strong)[fight](else:)[throw everything you have at] the princess but she's just better than you also, merciless **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you tried to assassinate the elf princess") (set: $death_sentence to "the elf princess kicked you to death") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

the elf king and queen rise as twisted mockeries of their former selves! the princess cries for help [[help|ElvesVictorySortOf]] [[leave her to it|ElvesOverrun]]

with the two of you fighting side-by-side nothing can stand against you not even two absurdly powerful elf liches the princess is grateful but also kind of peeved that you tried to kill her [[understandable|ElvesPrincessDeal]]

you slip away as the undead elves invoke terrible blasphemies it's probably not worth going back to the rival their whole society is unravelling so we [[move on|Choice3]] instead { (set: $elf_solution to "overrun") (set: $elf_sentence to "you were instrumental in the arising of the elf lich monarchs") }

you cut a deal you have to leave but you get to leave alive and with a boon |sword>[a sweet elven sword] |sorcery>[sweet elven sorcery] (if: not $wealthy)[[a giant pile of cash]<cash| ](if: $mine_servant)[[I'd like the dwarf's mark removed from my soul]<mine|] { (set: $elf_solution to "deal") (set: $elf_sentence to "you joined forces with the elf princess to put down the liches of her dead parents (which you inadvertently helped create)") (click: ?sword)[ (set: $elfsword to true) (goto: "ElvesDealDone") ] (click: ?sorcery)[ (if: not $magical and not $wise)[ (set: $magical to true) ] (else:)[ (set: $elfspell to true) ] (goto: "ElvesDealDone") ] (click: ?cash)[ (set: $wealthy to true) (goto: "ElvesDealDone") ] (click: ?mine)[ (set: $mine_servant to false) (goto: "ElvesDealMine") ] }

you examine your (if: $elfsword)[gleaming mithril sword](elseif: $elfspell)[orb of elven magic](else:)[stack of gold bars **you have gained the trait "wealthy"**] *nice* but now you really do have to [[go|Choice3]]

a simple spell and that's that soul, cleansed **you are no longer "soulbound"** but now you really have to [[go|Choice3]]

[[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $sea_solution to "boring_pirate") (set: $sea_sentence to "you became a boring pirate") }

you follow the trail to a cavern beneath the earth a filth-encrusted priest confronts you! (if: $profane or $profane2)[ your $g_descriptor god tells you: leave them to it [[ok|ElvesQuit]] [[but *why?*|ElvesDig3]]](else:)[ [[fight|ElvesSlayCultist]] [[talk|ElvesChatCultist]]]

you'll need an army (if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[|gobs>[goblins] ](if: $magical or $wise)[|dems>[summoned demons] ](if: $capital_solution is "owed" or it is "owned")[|crims>[criminals] ]|mercs>[mercenaries] |works>[the working classes] (if: $mine_servant)[|zoms>[the walking dead] ](if: $wealthy)[|cash>[economics]] { (click: ?gobs)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "goblins") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] (click: ?dems)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "demons") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] (click: ?crims)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "crims") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] (click: ?mercs)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "mercs") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] (click: ?works)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "workers") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] (click: ?zoms)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "undead") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] (click: ?cash)[ (set: $elfrevolutionarmy to "money") (goto: "ElvesRevolution2") ] }

(set: $disease_cured to true)you are too mighty for the stinking cleric they fall before you the plague lifts! the elves present you with a [[reward|ElvesReward]]

the priest informs you that the elves have been dumping their waste onto this, a holy place the plague is their revenge! [[I'm cool with that -- bye|ElvesQuit]] [[let me help!|ElvesChoice]] [[shank the priest|ElvesSlayCultist]]

the elves have been dumping their waste into the holy places beneath the earth this plague is revenge [[ok I'm out|ElvesQuit]] [[I'll help|ElvesChoice]]

what would you choose? |sword>[a sweet elven sword] |sorcery>[sweet elven sorcery] (if: not $wealthy)[[a giant pile of cash]<cash| ](if: $mine_servant)[[I'd like the dwarf's mark removed from my soul]<mine|] { (set: $elf_solution to "shank") (set: $elf_sentence to "you found a filthy priest who was responsible for the plague among the elves, and shanked them good") (click: ?sword)[ (set: $elfsword to true) (goto: "ElvesDealDone") ] (click: ?sorcery)[ (if: $magical)[ (set: $elfspell to true) ] (else:)[ (set: $magical to true) ] (goto: "ElvesDealDone") ] (click: ?cash)[ (set: $wealthy to true) (goto: "ElvesDealDone") ] (click: ?mine)[ (set: $mine_servant to false) (goto: "ElvesDealMine") ] }

(if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "goblins")[(set: $goblins_mistreated to $goblins_mistreated + 1)it's chaos goblins everywhere, lootin' and hollerin' [[try to restore order|ElvesRevolutionG1]] [[eh, whatever|ElvesOverrun2]] ](if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "demons")[you summon up the worst things you can think of it's carnage! [[try to restore order|ElvesRevolutionG1]] [[eh, whatever|ElvesOverrun2]] ](if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "crims")[assassinations! thefts! terror stalks the streets of the elf city but it's not *achieving* very much [[kill the entire ruling class|ElvesRevolutionC1]] and call it a day [[just call it a day|ElvesRevolutionC2]] ](if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "mercs")[(if: $wealthy)[will you buy the [[best?|ElvesRevolutionM1]] or just [[whoever?|ElvesRevolutionM2]]](else:)[you round up some likely soldiers [[to war!|ElvesRevolutionM2]]] ](if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "workers")[gnomes and pixies versus the gleaming elven war machine [[leg it in the confusion|ElvesRevolutionW1]] [[lead the charge|ElvesRevolutionW2]] ](if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "undead")[your dwarf patron channels her power through you the plague dead rise to wreak vengeance on the living! except... they're not really under your control [[try to restore order|ElvesRevolutionG1]] [[eh, whatever|ElvesOverrun2]] ](if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "cash")[with your plentiful cash you lay waste to the elves' economy their culture implodes due to lack of money [[you win!|ElvesRevolutionMoney1]]]

no chance the $elfrevolutionarmy turn on you! [[run like hell|ElvesOverrun2]] [[go down fighting|ElvesOverrunYouDie]]

the elf nobility are dead or fleeing [[redistribute|ElvesRevolutionC1a]] their wealth? or [[keep it?|ElvesRevolutionC1b]]

elf society collapses in bloodshed and betrayal oops? welp, [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "chaos") (set: $elf_sentence to "you collapsed elven society with a vast crime wave") }

(set: $wealthy to false)it costs almost all of your money **you are no longer "wealthy"** but only the best can take on the elves [[you win!|ElvesRevolutionMoney1]]

only the finest mercs could stand up to the elves you do not have the finest mercs [[oops|ElvesOverrun2]]

it goes about as well as could be expected gnomes and pixies, dead all over the place luckily you slipped out early [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "failed_overrun") (set: $elf_sentence to "you inspired a catastrophic workers' uprising in the elven nation") }

the workers are hugely outclassed so it's all down to you [[kill|ElvesRevolutionW2a]] lots of elves? [[undermine|ElvesRevolutionW2b]] their organisation? [[save|ElvesRevolutionW2c]] as many as possible?

elf society collapses into anarchy you control all the capital like, *all* of it who will you put in charge? [[the workers|ElvesRevolutionMoneyWorkers]] [[the soldiers|ElvesRevolutionMoneySoldiers]] [[me|ElvesRevolutionMoneyMe]]

that didn't go as well as you'd hoped but you live on to try [[new things|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "overrun") (if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "undead")[ (set: $elf_sentence to "you were instrumental in the arising of the elf lich monarchs") ] (if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "demons")[ (set: $elf_sentence to "you created a demon pit in the ruins of the elves' civilisation, which will blight the world for a thousand years") ] (if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "goblins")[ (set: $elf_sentence to "you plunged the elves into a bitter guerilla war with your imported goblin allies") (set: $goblin_solution to "war") ] (if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "mercs")[ (set: $elf_solution to "failed_overrun") (set: $elf_sentence to "you tried to overthrow the elves' government but didn't have good enough soldiers") ] (if: $elfrevolutionarmy is "workers")[ (set: $elf_solution to "failed_overrun") (set: $elf_sentence to "you led a failed workers' uprising among the elves") ] }

the problem with glorious last stands, is that they're still last stands **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you raised an army of $elfrevolutionarmy to throw down the elf civilisation") (set: $death_sentence to "your army turned on you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $communist to true)you bend elf society into an egalitarian shape but the call of adventure is too strong [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "communism") (set: $elf_sentence to "you replaced the elves' feudal power structure with communism") }

(set: $wealthy to true)gold! gems! **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** but you need to [[get out quick|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "chaos") (set: $elf_sentence to "you plunged the elf nation into chaos in order to enrich yourself") }

even a (if: $strong)[badass](elseif: $wise)[priest](else:)[magic user] as mighty as you can't fight all of them you go down under their stupid shiny swords **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you led a worker uprising against the elven elites") (set: $death_sentence to "the elven elites slaughtered you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

but how? [[vertical|ElvesRevolutionW2b1]] -- turn the families against each other [[horizontal|ElvesRevolutionW2b2]] -- turn the soldiers against their masters

the elves don't like that you're taking away their working class they're coming for you [[heroic last stand?|ElvesRevolutionW2c1]] or [[run for it|ElvesRevolutionW2c2]]

if there's one thing elves love more than stabbing commoners, it's being waspish to each other they're totally distracted the workers overthrow them! [[nice|ElvesRevolutionW2b3]]

you point out how the nobility are exploiting the soldiery as much as the workforce (if: $glib)[they listen! they rise up! [[the slaughter is brutal|ElvesRevolutionW2b5]]](else:)[the soldiery don't listen [[run for it|ElvesOverrun2]] [[try something else|ElvesRevolutionW2b4]]]

(set: $communist to true)you bend what's left of elf society into an egalitarian shape but the call of adventure is too strong [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "communism") (set: $elf_sentence to "you led a successful workers' revolution against the elves") }

they don't give you time to try anything else **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you led a worker uprising against the elven elites") (set: $death_sentence to "the elven elites slaughtered you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the soldiers set about establishing a military junta [[no!|ElvesRevolutionW2b6]] this was for the workers! [[whatever|ElvesRevolutionW2b7]], I'm out

they're not very tolerant of counter-revolutionaries **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you led a worker uprising against the elven elites") (set: $death_sentence to "the new military rulers of the elven regime had you killed") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you [[move on|Choice3]], leaving chaos in your wake { (set: $elf_solution to "junta") (set: $elf_sentence to "you accidentally replaced the elves' feudal society with a military junta") }

it's a heroic last stand the working classes of elf society escape but still... **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "death") (set: $elf_sentence to "you led a failed workers' revolution against the elves") (set: $death_sentence to "the free gnomes will remember your sacrifice forever") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the plight of the working classes will just have to continue in your absence [[leave|ElvesOverrun2]]

(set: $communist to true)you redistribute the remaining wealth and elevate the working classes your work here is done [[moving on|Choice3]] { (set: $elf_solution to "communism") (set: $elf_sentence to "you crippled the elven economy and redistributed the wealth evenly across what was left of their society") }

you [[move on|Choice3]], leaving the elven military running what's left of their society { (set: $elf_solution to "junta") (set: $elf_sentence to "you replaced the elves' feudal society with a military junta") }

you settle down with your piles of gold to rule the remains of elf civilisation it's pretty sweet **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $elf_solution to "overthrown") (set: $elf_sentence to "you became the first oligarch-ruler of the elven ruins") (set: $death_sentence to "you died after a long life of ridiculous excess") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

are you sure? it is *notoriously* deadly [[no fear, no regrets|ToHYes]] um... [[maybe not|Choice3]]

the giants are chillin' in their wooden fort (if: (history:) contains "GInvestigate")[(text-style: "strike")[investigate]](else:)[[[investigate|GInvestigate]]] [[kill|GKill]] [[fire|GFire]](if: (history:) contains "GInvestigate")[ [[slave uprising|GSlaves]]]

the entrance looks like a skull there's, like, six dead bodies *right here* [[step inside|ToHInside]] [[magic|ToHDivination]](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[ drown it in [[goblins|ToHGoblins]]](if: $dracurilla_servant)[ send in [[the vampire gorilla|ToHGorilla]]] { (set: $tomb_solution to "death") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you braved the deadliest dungeon in the land") (set: $death_sentence to "and you died there, surprising no-one") }

you cross the threshold and survive! oh wait, [[sudden pit trap|ToHPit]]

you contact minds on other planes "the way forward lies beyond death" also some vague advice about not touching anything and sticking to a low carb diet what now? [[step inside|ToHInside]](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[ drown it in [[goblins|ToHGoblins]]](if: $dracurilla_servant)[ send in [[the vampire gorilla|ToHGorilla]]]

(set: $king_goblin to true)(set: $goblin_solution to "exterminated")your goblin allies pour into the dungeon none come out [[ah|ToHGoblins2]]

the vampire gorilla lumbers into the dark a roar the sound of masonry silence [[hum|ToHGorilla2]]

what now? [[step inside|ToHInside]] [[magic|ToHDivination]](if: $dracurilla_servant)[ send in [[the vampire gorilla|ToHGorilla]]] maybe just [[give up?|ToHEscape]]

you claim you never found the place(if: $stripped)[ and quietly score some new gear(if: $wealthy)[ **you are no longer "wealthy"**]] [[next adventure!|Choice4]] { (if: $stripped)[ (set: $wealthy to false) (set: $mweapon to false) (set: $elfsword to false) (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "lost in tomb") ] (set: $tomb_solution to "escaped") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you dipped your toe into the deadliest dungeon in the land then wisely decided to do something else") }

(set: $dracurilla_servant to false)**you are no longer "owner of a vampire gorilla"** what now? [[step inside|ToHInside]] [[magic|ToHDivination]](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[ drown it in [[goblins|ToHGoblins]]] maybe just [[give up?|ToHEscape]]

(if: (history:) contains "ToHGoblins")[your fall is cushioned by goblin corpses a bit messy tho the walls are [[rough|ToHContactPoison]] and [[easy to climb|ToHArches]]](elseif: $strong)[luckily you're swole; you laugh at pit traps the walls are [[rough|ToHContactPoison]] and [[easy to climb|ToHArches]]](elseif: $aged)[you're too old for this your brittle bones shatter on impact (if: $wise)[but wait! [[healing magic|ToHPitHeal]]](else:)[**you have died** |pm>[postmortem]]](else:)[(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)your fall is broken by the ground ouch oh well; the walls are [[rough|ToHContactPoison]] and [[easy to climb|ToHArches]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

climb climb out of the pit the next room's got [[arches|ToHArches2]] or there's still time to [[give up|ToHEscape]]

(if: $king_goblin)[a museum! there's loads of cool stuff here and also about a hundred dead goblins probably best to [[move on through|ToHRealTomb]]](else:)[a museum! there are [[magic swords|ToHMuseumSwords]] there are [[eldritch tomes|ToHMuseumTomes]] there's a [[pipe organ!|ToHMuseumOrgan]] there's also a [[door|ToHRealTomb]]]

(if: (history:) contains "ToHGreenArch")[(text-style: "strike")[there's a teal arch closed off by green curtains]](else:)[there's a [[teal arch|ToHGreenArch]] closed off by green curtains(if: $king_goblin)[ and with a pile of goblin corpses in front of it]] there's a [[sandstone arch|ToHYellowArch]] flanked by lifelike skeletons there's a [[bloodstained arch|ToHRedArch]] engraved with images of bread

a close thing! let's hear it for magical healing anyway; the walls are [[rough|ToHContactPoison]] and [[easy to climb|ToHArches]]

(if: $king_goblin)[the pile of goblin corpses tells you this is a bad idea [[maybe a different arch|ToHArches2]]](else:)[you [[brush|ToHGreenArchWaitNo]] the curtains [[aside|ToHGreenArch2]]]

there's a table in this room it has a sign which says 'rest stop' and a bowl of [[mashed potatoes|ToHMashedPotatoes]] or you could just [[leave|ToHFalseTomb]]

*voip!* you are teleported to a blank stone room! but... you're naked and all your stuff is gone (if: $king_goblin or (history:) contains "ToHGorilla")[[[oh dear|TohRedArch2]]](else:)[also a four-armed stone-skinned gargoyle is trying to kill you [[oh dear|TohRedArch3]]] { (set: $stripped to true) }

you reach out then think better of it and [[brush the curtains aside|ToHGreenArch3]] with a ten foot pole

a blank wall! also the curtains are made of poison acid and you die seconds later **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

a blank wall! you dodged a nasty trap there [[which other arch?|ToHArches2]]

(if: (history:) contains "ToHGorilla")[you leave through the [[hole|ToHFalseTomb]] the vampire gorilla knocked in the wall](else:)[the walls and floor are [[featureless|ToHRedSecretDoor]] you could [[dig?|ToHDig]]]

(if: $king_goblin)[the floor is slick with goblin bits there was a monster in here but they killed it, somehow now all you need to do is [[escape|TohRedArchEscape]]](elseif: (history:) contains "ToHGorilla")[there was a monster in here too but it looks like the vampire gorilla pulled it apart now all you need to do is [[escape|TohRedArchEscape]]]

(if: $strong)[[[epic wrestling contest!|ToHRedArch4]]](else if: $wise)[(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)a many-limbed stone monster! vs your divine power! [[when the dust clears...|ToHRedArchDivine]]](else if: $magical)[you wield your magic! the gargoyle pulls your head off it doesn't even need to use all four arms **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

stony skin can't protect it from a cobra clutch you win! now all you need is an [[exit|TohRedArchEscape]]

a musty crypt gold and jewels! a rainbow portal labelled 'exit'! a terrible wraith rising from the tomb! [[fight|ToHFTFight]] (if: $wise)[[[turn|ToHFTTurn]] ][[exit|ToHFTRun]]

it's hard work (if: $aged)[(set: $death_sentence to "your body just couldn't take the strain any more")then your heart packs in urk **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)[but eventually you're [[free!|ToHFalseTomb]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $hero_hits is 2)[your body is in bits on the floor **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)[it's in bits on the floor! it got in some good hits though ow ow ow moving on! you need an [[escape route|TohRedArchEscape]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

aha! [[a secret passage|ToHSecretSecret]] and [[a secret door!|ToHFalseTomb]]

they're magically warm! and they smell delicious [[eat some?|ToHPotatoes]] or [[leave|ToHFalseTomb]]

they're poisoned *obviously* **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $magical)[*zart* you make short work of the wraith [[now for the looting|ToHFTLootAndRun]]](else:)[it's immune to normal weapons! (if: $mweapon and not $stripped)[luckily you have this (if: $elfsword)[sweet elven sword](else:)[magic dagger] stab stab and you're done [[now for the looting|ToHFTLootAndRun]]](elseif: $wise)[luckily your god is here to help divine lasers! and you're done [[now for looting|ToHFTLootAndRun]]](else:)[oh dear **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

but the gold is so tempting... [[grab some|ToHYouFool]] on the way out? or just [[leg it?|ToHEscape2]]

you [[take your time|ToHFTRealTomb]] looting then jump into the [[ToHPortal]]

you snatch a crown and dive into the [[portal|ToHPortal]]

you escaped alive but (unless: $stripped)[empty-handed](else:)[leaving *all* your stuff behind(if: $wealthy)[ **you are no longer "wealthy"**]] [[oh well|Choice4]] { (if: $stripped)[ (set: $wealthy to false) (set: $mweapon to false) (set: $elfsword to false) (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "lost in tomb") ] (set: $tomb_solution to "fled") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you survived the deadliest dungeon in the land, albeit empty-handed") }

you escaped alive but (if: (history:) contains "ToHYouFool")[the crown](else:)[the gold] is just painted lead fooled by a false tomb!(if: $stripped)[ NNNNGH and you left all your stuff in there too!(if: $wealthy)[ **you are no longer "wealthy"**]] [[NNNNNNNGGGGH|Choice4]] { (if: $stripped)[ (set: $wealthy to false) (set: $mweapon to false) (set: $elfsword to false) (set: $sea_explorer_choice to "lost in tomb") ] (set: $tomb_solution to "fooled") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you were tricked by the deadliest dungeon in the land") }

(if: $wise and $onearmed)[you take some time to magically regrow your missing arm. ](elseif: $onearmed)[you find a mighty priest to magically regrow your arm. ](set: $onearmed to false)(if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[the kingdom's kind of a mess because you spent all their money buying off the giants but whatever! ](if: $mine_solution is "slayer")[the Empire invades! [[war|EmpireWar]] [[diplomacy|EmpireChat]]](else:)[an undead plague rises! (unless: $mine_servant)[[[lead people|PlagueLead]] [[find the source|PlagueFind]] [[join the undead horde|PlagueServant2a]] ](else:)[the dwarf necromancer [[compels you|PlagueServant]] to help!]] { (if: $profane_dracurilla)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_pirate)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_golem)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_goblin)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_giant)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $elf_society_collapse)[(set: $civilisation_collapse_count to it +1)] (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[(set: $civilisation_collapse_count to it +1)] (if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[(set: $saved to it +1)] (if: $famous)[(set: $saved to it +1)] (if: $wolftamer)[(set: $saved to it +1)] }

wait ...a [[secret door?|ToHRealTomb]]

a plain, cramped room(if: (history:) contains "ToHGorilla")[ the obliterated remains of a vampire gorilla](if: $stripped)[ your stuff piled in the corner] (unless: $king_goblin)[a floating skull "you have qualified!" the skull says "qualified for *your doom!*" [[fight!|ToHFinalFight]](if: $stripped)[ [[grab my stuff|ToHGetGear]]] [["wait what"|ToHTalk]]](else:)[a single goblin but [[no ordinary goblin|ToHGoblinKing]]]

wait a secret door... inside a secret door? FIENDISH [[what lies beyond?|ToHContactPoison]]

shiny! maybe you could heft [[the Flamebringer?|ToHSwordDeath]] or give [[the dancing sword of Lavish Jane|ToHDancingDeath]] a try? or gingerly wield [[Rabu's Poisonblade?|ToHPoisonDeath2]] or [[something else|ToHContactPoison]]

forbidden knowledge is the best kind flip through [[the necronomicon?|ToHPoisonDeath]] page through [[the book of vile darkness?|ToHPoisonDeath]] have a read of [[Cade Triumphant?|ToHCade]] or maybe [[something else?|ToHContactPoison]]

dare you play it? [[yes|ToHOrganPoison]]/[[no|ToHContactPoison]]

such mind-blasting power! oh, and a fast-acting contact poison sucks to be you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

hold on this isn't forbidden knowledge this is a rollicking tale of a halfling barbarian and his adventures! it's also coated in lethal contact poison **you have died** (and you never even learned how it ended!) |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you play several ominous chords then the contact poison on the keys kills you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the legendary Flamebringer! coated in an equally legendary contact poison **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

it's a bit underwhelming also it's coated in deadly contact poison **you have died** later, the sword dances on your corpse |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you're super-careful not to touch the deadly poisonous blade unfortunately someone's coated the handle in equally deadly contact poison **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the skull is trying to eat your soul! (if: $wise or $profane or $profane2 or $blessed)[but your soul is dedicated to another so it's going to deploy *awesome magic* instead]you're only going to get one shot! (if: $elfsword)[use my [[sweet elven sword|ToHElfSword]] ](if: $elfspell)[use my [[awesome elf magic|ToHElfSpell]] ](if: $profane)[[[invoke the forgotten god|ToHForgottenGod]] ](if: $wise or $profane or $profane2 or $blessed)[[[a mighty clash!|ToHHaHaHaNope]]](else:)[(if: $married)[[[hope it chokes|ToHSpouse]]](else:)[[[hope it chokes|ToHHaHaNope]]]]

(set: $stripped to false)the skull's pretty patient while you get your stuff together "are you done? it won't help you" [[fight!|ToHFinalFight]] [["I don't follow"|ToHTalk]]

"going to eat your soul" the skull explains "souls cunning enough to beat my dungeon taste better" huh might as well [[fight|ToHFinalFight]]

the skull does not choke **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

"an elf sword!" the skull contrives to look shocked then you smash it into pieces with a single swing [[YEAH|ToHVictory]]

the elves know a lot of good spells for dealing with powerful undead you use some of them [[*ZART*|ToHElfSpell2]]

your spouse is here! they throw themselves in front of the skull's soul-eating ray **you are no longer "married"** [[noooooooo|ToHSpouse2]]

a dark vortex the earth reaching hungry for the skull the skull is... pleased? "look at the soul on *that!*" it shrieks and then it's [[gone|ToHProfaneSkull]]

(set: $profane to false)(set: $profane3 to true)(set: $wealthy to true)you loot the tomb **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** you can't shake the feeling you've made a terrible mistake oh well [[onward|Choice4]] { (if: $stripped)[ (set: $stripped to false) ] (set: $tomb_solution to "profane") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you entered the deadliest dungeon in the land and bootstrapped an ancient undead horror to godhood") }

(set: $married to false)the skull coughs and chokes *hack hack* "self-sacrifice always gets stuck in my throat" *hack cough* better (if: $stripped)[grab your stuff and ][[run away|Choice4]] while it's occupied { (if: $stripped)[ (set: $stripped to false) ] (set: $tomb_solution to "sacrifice") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you braved the deadliest dungeon in the land and your spouse died to save you from its most dangerous occupant") }

you lose **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

with the skull destroyed the dungeon is [[safe|tohsafe]]

you climb out of the smoking crater and collect the scattered loot [[VICTORY|ToHVictory]]

well, [[safe-ish|tohsafe2]]

okay *less dangerous than it was* and that's *fine* you're a legendary hero anyway **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** **you have gained the trait "famous"** [[what next?|Choice4]] { (set: $wealthy to true) (set: $famous to true) (set: $stripped to false) (set: $tomb_solution to "victory") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you entered the deadliest dungeon in the land and exploded its most deadly occupant") }

she's lean she's got a sword in one hand and magic in the other she's dripping with enchanted artefacts looks like getting this far has toughened her up "you sent us here to die", she says she looks... *peeved* [[surprise attack!|ToHGoblinAmbush]] [["let me explain"|ToHGoblinTalk]]

(if: $stripped)[you're naked and unarmed it takes her longer to laugh at you than to kill you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)[(if: $hero_hits is 1 or $aged is true)[(if: $hero_hits is 1)[you've taken a beating already and](else:)[your body is on the verge of giving up and] she's got an edge you just can't beat it's on her sword which is in your neck **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)[she's just a little bit better than you you need an edge (if: $elfsword)[my edge is on this [[sweet elf sword|ToHGoblinSword]] ](if: $elfspell)[my edge is [[ridiculous elf magic|ToHGoblinSpell]] ](if: $dracurilla_servant)[my edge is this [[vampire gorilla|ToHGoblinGorilla]] ](if: $profane)[my edge is my [[forgotten god|ToHGoblinProfane]] ]my edge is [[racist humour|ToHGoblinAsshole]] ...I've got [[nothing|ToHGoblinNothing]]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: goblins_mistreated > 1)["over and over we died for you!" she's pretty angry "and now you die for me!" she's one kill away from level 20! [[yikes|ToHGoblinFight]]](else:)[you explain that you've always been a friend to the goblins and look at her now! the strongest goblin "it's true" she admits "let's call it even" [[ok|ToHGoblinTruce]]]

she's ready for your assault! it'll have to be a [[fair fight|ToHGoblinFight]]

you and the elite goblin go your separate ways(if: $stripped)[ you even persuade her to give your stuff back] [[where to now?|Choice4]] { (set: $stripped to false) (set: $tomb_solution to "goblin queen") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you threw goblins into a deadly dungeon until you were left with the ultimate survivor goblin, with whom you made a truce") }

(if: $crimerival)[suddenly, eric dies of acute knife poisoning! your old crime rival! "only *I* am permitted to kill you!" and then they're gone [[huh|PiracyFightHeroes]]](elseif: $capital_solution is "owed")[(set: $capital_solution to "owed and paid")suddenly, eric dies of acute knife poisoning! your old crime boss! "guess that makes us square" [[guess so|PiracyFightHeroes]]](else:)[(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)eric wails on you until he gets bored [[ow|PiracyFightHeroes]]]

gleaming elven steel is just the edge you need! the goblin is badly wounded maybe dying [[spare her|ToHGoblinVictory2]] [[kill her|ToHGoblinVictory3]]

"!!" nothing prepared her for *kirstacia's royal towerfall* you're not sure under all the rubble but she's probably dead [[phew|ToHGoblinVictory]]

the goblin's exhausted from fighting you the vampire gorilla tears her apart [[brutal|ToHGoblinVictory]]

(set: $profane_goblin to true)there is a sound like emptiness and the goblin is swallowed by the earth [[problem solved?|ToHGoblinVictory]]

that was just uncalled for the goblin kills you and feels good about it **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $tomb_solution to "death") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you almost survived the deadliest dungeon in the land") (set: $death_sentence to "you told racist jokes to a goblin demigod so she righteously killed you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

welp **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $tomb_solution to "death") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you almost survived the deadliest dungeon in the land") (set: $death_sentence to "a goblin demigod stabbed you up good") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $wealthy to true)(set: $famous to true)(if: $stripped)[(set: $stripped to false)you gather your things and](else:)[you] loot the place **you have gained the trait "wealthy"** your deeds in the deadly dungeon are legend! **you have gained the trait "famous"** [[what's next?|Choice4]] { (set: $tomb_solution to "goblin_out") (set: $tomb_sentence to "you challenged the deadliest dungeon in the land -- and won!") }

(set: $goblin_queen to true)you (if: $wise)[heal her with magic](else:)[bind her wounds] she'll live [[time to go|ToHGoblinVictory]]

[[*shank*|ToHGoblinVictory]]

the giants are served by slaves of all the smaller peoples!(if: $blackguard)[ it all seems kind of familiar] [[<<|AgainsttheGiants]]

you kill a bunch but now they know you're here [[fight!|GKill2]] [[hide!|GHide]]

*whoomph* up it goes the giants come out, smouldering they're hunting you! [[hide|GFHide]] [[fight|GFFight]]

they let the dire wolves loose on your trail! [[fight|GFFight]] [[run|GFRun]]

two dozen giants at once you're in trouble now take out [[the chief|GFFChief]] first take out [[the regular giants|GFFRegulars]] first

you can't outrun them! (if: $dracurilla_servant)[your vampire gorilla servant fends them off but you still have to [[fight them|GFFight]]](elseif: $married)[you could always [[throw them your spouse...|GFEvilBastard]] or you could [[stand and fight|GFWolfWound]]](else:)[you have to [[stand and fight|GFWolfWound]]]

*shove* the wolves pounce you get away! **you are no longer "married"** [[moving swiftly on...|Choice4]] { (set: $married to false) (set: $giant_solution to "fled") (set: $giant_sentence to "you completely failed to deal with the rampaging giants") }

(set: $hero_hits to $hero_hits + 1)you lay about you with (if: $strong)[your weapons](else:)[your spells] you're battered; the wolves are all dead now fight [[like, twenty giants|GFFight]]

you strike down the chief the giants mill around in disarray! but you'll need to get clever to escape disguise myself as [[a rock|GDrock]] disguise myself as [[a giant|GDgiant]] (if: (history:) contains "GInvestigate")[disguise myself as [[a slave|GDslave]] ](if: $wealthy)[[[throw money|GDmoney]] ](if: $famous)[[[strike a pose|GDfame]] ][[play dead|GDplaydead]]

(if: $strong)[you're a whirlwind of death](else:)[you break out your best spells] giants fall left and right the chief [[shoots a ballista!|GFFRegulars2]]

(if: $hero_hits is 1)[(set: $giant_solution to "death")(set: $giant_sentence to "you completely failed to stop the giant rampage")(set: $death_sentence to "you were skewered by the giant chief's ballista shot")the wolves did a number on you the ballista bolt finishes the job **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)[(unless: $strong)[you use sudden defensive magic!](else:)[good job you're super-tough] the bolt knocks you off your feet but you survive the giant chief [[does not|GStage2]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the chief clutches a note in his dead fingers more giants! they're in a glacial rift it's a bit cold [fire is the answer(if: (history:) contains "GFire")[ again]]<fire| [[violence|G2Violence]] [[stealth|G2stealth]] { (set: $cold_count to 0) (set: $hero_hits to 0) (click: ?fire)[ (goto: "GFire2") ] }

humans and orcs you lead them into [[battle|GSlaves2]]

a giant picks you up and hurls you! (if: $hero_hits is 1)[the landing breaks every body part you have **you have died** |pm>[postmortem](set: $giant_solution to "death")(set: $giant_sentence to "you completely failed to stop the giant rampage")(set: $death_sentence to "you pretended to be a boulder but didn't survive the hurl")](else:)[the landing hurts but you are now very far away [[so that's good|GStage2]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

this was a terrible idea giants beat you to death with clubs **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you totally failed to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you were beaten to death by angry giants") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

you pretend to be a panicked slave it works! the giant social structure [[collapses|GStage2]]

make it rain! the giants are distracted by your glittery coins you [[escape in the confusion|GStage2]]

the giants have heard of you! they [[run away|GStage2]]

(if: $mine_servant)[your tie to the dwarf necromancer makes it easy once the giants are gone, you [[get up|GStage2]]](elseif: $profane or $profane2)[your tie to eldritch forces makes it easy once the giants are gone, you [[get up|GStage2]]](else:)[a dire wolf drags you off to feed its puppies [[pet the puppies|GDpetpuppies]] [[fight the puppies|GDFightpuppies]]]

they're cute! also hungry they're eyeing your tasty flesh [[give them an arm|GDSacrifice]] [[stab them all|GDFightpuppies]] (if: $married)[[[feed them your spouse|GDWSpouse]] ](unless: $profane or $profane2 or $profane3)[(if: $wise)[[[cast *create dogfood and water*|GDWfeed]]]]

(set: $dogslayer to true)even dire puppies are no match for you you kill the lot of them now: about those [[giants|GStage2]]

(set: $scarred to true)(set: $wolftamer to true)(set: $onearmed to true)plus: you're alive and free minus: one arm **you have gained the trait "scarred"** nothing a bit of healing magic won't fix, right? (if: $wise)[wait. [[I *am* a healer|GDSac2]] ]in the meantime: [[giants|GStage2]]

(set: $married to false)callous! you sneak away while your other half gets eaten **you are no longer "married"** now: about those [[giants|GStage2]]

(set: $wolftamer to true)you conjure a mighty spread the dire wolves let you go now: about those [[giants|GStage2]]

it'll take your most powerful magic [[sure|GDSac3]] [[better save it|GDSac4]]

*voip* a new arm phew anyway: [[giants|GStage2]] { (set: $onearmed to false) (set: $spells_gone to true) }

better to have powerful spells than two arms [[right?|GStage2]]

you just don't have enough fire sadface [[violence|G2Violence]] [[stealth|G2stealth]]

you're cornered in the great hall! [[murder all of them|GKill3]] kill the chief and [[run|GKillRun]]

you hide in a cupboard an escaped slave is also hiding here! you bond [[escape together|GFlee]] [[slave revolt!|GSlaves]]

twelve giants at once! (if: $strong and $mweapon)[you and your magic (if: $elfsword)[sword](else:)[knife] do the job [[bloody|GStage2]] ](elseif: $elfspell)[(set: $spells_gone to true)time for elven magic! you cast *ghael's geostationary orbit* a bunch of times that does the trick! [[what next?|GStage2]] ](elseif: $magical or $wise)[(if: $strong)[your combination of sword and spell is unstoppable they're all dead](else:)[(set: $spells_gone to true)you need to use all your best magic the fort is a smoking crater] [[what next?|GStage2]] ](elseif: $strong)[you take a beating, but prevail [[what next?|GStage2]] ](else:)[ERROR -- this should never be visile]

(if: $strong)[*stab*](elseif: $wise)[*deadly prayers*](elseif: $magical)[*zart*] and flee! [[that was easy|GStage2]]

(if: $blackguard)[you've kept slaves before and [[these slaves know that|GSlavesFail]]](else:)[the slaves revolt! it's very violent in the end most of the slaves are dead but so are all of the giants [[good?|GStage2]]]

they sell you out the giants beat you to death **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you totally failed to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you were betrayed by your slaves and killed by giants") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

sneak sneak sneak [[run!|Choice4]] { (set: $giant_solution to "fled") (set: $giant_sentence to "you completely failed to deal with the rampaging giants") }

you kill a few giants they release the [[trolls|G2Trolls]]

you take your time (if: $cold_count is 1)[too much time you freeze to death **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "hypothermia got you") }](else:)[(set: $cold_count to it + 1)the cold seeps into your bones but you bypass the giant guards and some sort of ooze and *two* dragons and, like, sixty trolls this place is *absurd* [[anyway|G2stealth2]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

like, sixty trolls [[fight|G2Tfight]] [[hide|G2Thide]] [[give up|G2Trun]]

trolls are tough (if: not $strong and $spells_gone and not $elfspell)[and all your best spells are gone (if: $wise)[good thing you can still [[fight|G2TfightStrong]]](else:)[they tear you into bits **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you were pulled apart by a truly stupid quantity of trolls") }](elseif: not $strong)[(set: $spells_gone to true)you'll need to use all your best spells *one spectacular death display later* alright back to [[giant-slaying|G2fight2]] ](elseif: $strong)[(if: $magical or $wise)[sword and spell technique! [[fight!|G2TfightStrong]] ](else:)[so are you [[fight!|G2TfightStrong]] ]](else:)[they pull you to pieces **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you were pulled apart by a truly stupid quantity of trolls") }] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $cold_count to it + 1)you hide in the snow the trolls lose interest and wander off [[fight|G2fight2]] or [[sneak|G2stealth]]?

that's too many trolls, really [[bye|Choice4]] { (set: $giant_solution to "fled") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to deal with the rampaging giants, and failed") }

you kill a few giants here a few giants there they come after you [[in force|G2fight3]]

it takes *ages* to kill them all (if: $cold_count is 1)[so long that you freeze to death **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you froze to death while killing a truly stupid number of trolls") }](else:)[(set: $cold_count to 1)the cold sinks right into your bones but the trolls are all dead, so back to [[giant-slaying|G2fight2]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

{ (if: (passage:)'s tags contains "cold")[ (if: $cold_count is 0)[ (you're very cold) ] (elseif: $cold_count is 1)[ (you're gripped by a bone-deep chill) ] ] }

the frost giant leader has *three heads* and a big axe what will you do? [[honourable combat!|G2kingfight]] [[dishonourable shanking|G2kingstab]] [[talky talky|G2kingchat]]

surely you can take one three-headed giant? (if: $aged)[but your feeble body fails you! [[oh no|G2kingfightedge]] ](elseif: $spells_gone)[but your best spells are gone! [[oh no|G2kingfightedge]] ](elseif: $cold_count is 1)[but the cold slows you down [[oh no|G2kingfightedge]] ](else:)[[[yes|G2kingfightwin]]]

he has three heads! he sees you! (if: $married)[but your spouse distracts him! and you (if: $strong)[stab him up](elseif: $magical)[blow him away with magic](elseif: $wise)[beat him soundly] [[done!|G3]]](else:)[it's a [[fight|G2kingfight]] ]

(if: $blackguard or $profane or $profane2 or $famous or $hero_beater)[(if: $blackguard)[he's heard of your evil deeds](elseif: $famous or $hero_beater)[he's heard of you!](elseif: $profane or $profane2)[he respects your (if: $profane)[forgotten](else:)[awful] god] he'll hear what you have to say [[ok!|G2kingchat2]]](elseif: $wealthy or $dracurilla_servant or $married)[he demands a tribute how about... (if: $wealthy)[...this gem-encrusted [gem?]<gem| ](if: $dracurilla_servant)[...this pet [vampire gorilla?|G2kingchattribute]<pet| ](if: $married)[...my [spouse?|G2kingchattribute]<spouse| ]...we [[fight|G2kingfight]] instead?](else:)[who the hell are you? he [[comes at you|G2kingfight]] fast] { (click: ?gem)[ (set: $giant_king_tribute to "gem") (goto: "G2kingchattribute") ] (click: ?pet)[ (set: $giant_king_tribute to "gorilla") (goto: "G2kingchattribute") ] (click: ?gem)[ (set: $giant_king_tribute to "spouse") (goto: "G2kingchattribute") ] }

(if: $giant_king_tribute is "gem")[everyone loves big shiny gems!](elseif: $giant_king_tribute is "gorilla")[(set: $dracurilla_servant to false)a unique pet! **you are no longer "owner of a vampire gorilla"**](elseif: $giant_king_tribute is "spouse")[(set: $married to false)your spouse isn't happy! **you are no longer "married"**] the king will hear what you have to say [[ok!|G2kingchat2]]

all three heads stare at you (if: $glib)[[[sow discord|G2selfowned]] ][[sell the kingdom|G2makeadeal]] [[ask nicely|G2getbent]]

the heads argue among themselves it ends... messily your work here is [[done!|G3]]

(set: $bankrupt_kingdom to true)the land is in for some hard times but the giants are [[out of here!|G3]]

the king laughs in your face three times then tries to [[kill you|G2kingfight]]

oh wait, more giants [[seriously?|G3-2]]

fire giants in a volcano [[this had better be the last of them|G3-3]]

well that was simple you [[celebrate|G3]]

(if: $elfspell and not $spells_gone)[elf magic saves the day! *ZART* smoking crater your work here is [[done|G3]] ](elseif: $elfsword)[good job you've got this sweet elf sword *chop maim kill* your work here is [[done|G3]] ](elseif: $dracurilla_servant)[(set: $dracurilla_servant to false)he wastes precious time killing your vampire gorilla noooooooooo **you are no longer "owner of a vampire gorilla"** your revenge rampage is thorough [[no more giants here|G3]] ](elseif: $profane)[(set: $profane_giant to true)with a sound like the end of everything the earth swallows him whole score one more for the forgotten god welp [[so much for that guy|G3]] ](else:)[his axe is huge he only needs one hit **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "the frost giant king chopped you in half") }] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

how to handle it? [[violence|G3violence]] [[diplomacy|G3talk]] [[stealth|G3sneak]]

uh oh these guys are strong *and* smart [[they surround you|G3violence2]]

the king and queen have had a fight which one will you see? [[king?|G3king]] or [[queen?|G3queen]]

you find the [[guest rooms|G3sneak2]]

(if: $strong and $mweapon)[just as planned! it's more efficient to murder them all in one place [[next?|G3violence3]] ](elseif: $elfspell and not $spells_gone)[good job you've got all that magic you use most of it killing giants (set: $spells_gone to true)[[next?|G3violence3]] ](elseif: $strong and $magical)[you kill half of them with a sword and the other half with spells (set: $spells_gone to true)[[next?|G3violence3]] ](elseif: $strong and $wise)[you pray for aid! your god loans you a couple of servitors it's a ridiculous bloodbath but you [[win|G3violence3]] ](elseif: $magical and $wise)[you have *so many spells* you use a selection of the best on the giants and now they're all dead [[next?|G3violence3]] ](else:)[even you can't face this many **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you nearly stopped the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you were defeated by superior fire giant tactics") }] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the fire giant throne room! there's a big yellow line down the middle the king on one side the queen on the other [[approach the king|G3king]] [[approach the queen|G3queen]] [[attack!|G3whatno]]

he's sulking "why won't she talk to me?" he mutters the [[statues of naked chicks|G3statues]] could be a clue what has this got to do with the [[invasion?|G3kinginvasion]] [[mend|G3kingMRA]] his relationship [[turn him|G3kingturn]] against the queen [[just kill him|G3kingkill]]

(if: (history:) contains "G3queen")["you" she tolerates you like an ant](else:)[she's built like a twenty-foot tall pro wrestler "what?"] (unless: $king_gone)[[[mend her relationship|G3queentalk]] ][[ask her|G3queenask]] to stop(if: (history:) contains "G3queen")[, again] [[kill her|G3queenkill]]

also wall hangings of naked giant women and scrolls it's pretty skeevy all round [[<<|G3king]]

you enter the tricky realm of marriage counselling you could teach the king to [[respect women|G3kingfeminism]] or just go for [[a makeover|G3kingmakeover]]

he thinks all his woes are her fault! a fire giant civil war breaks out your work here is [[done|G3elves]]

(set: $king_gone to true)he can't face you one-on-one splat [[the guards!|G3kingkill2]]

the queen calls them off "shame" she says "but whatever" now you'll have to [[talk to her|G3queen]]

suddenly, elves! (if: $elf_society_collapse)[fresh from the ruins of their (unless: $disease_cured)[disease-riddled ]civilisation "it was *you!*" looks like they recognise you [[they attack|G3elveskill]] ](else:)["you ruined everything!" [[kill|G3elveskill]] [[talk|G3elvestalk]]]

you settle in for a long talk [[months later...|G3kingfem2]]

(if: $glib)[you teach home some [[slick words|G3makeoverwin]] ](elseif: (history:) contains "Capital1")[your time in the capital taught you [[fashion skills|G3makeoverwin]] ](elseif: $elves1)[elves are stylish, right? you dress him like a(if: (history:) contains "ElvesRevolution")[ pre-revolutionary](else:)[n] [[elf|G3makeoverwin]] ](else:)[you dress him in a leopard-print leopard and tell him about negging [[this cannot fail|G3makeoverfail]]]

the king sees the error of his ways! (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[but the land has been overrun by giants in the meantime **you have failed** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "failure") (set: $giant_sentence to "you nearly stopped the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you spent so long arguing feminist theory with the fire giant king the land was overrun") }](else:)[(set: $bankrupt_kingdom to true)he gets back together with the queen turns out the invasion was all a [[trick!|G3elvescaught]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

some evil elves played the giants into it! but the king and queen killed them all oh well [[victory!|Choice4]] { (set: $giant_solution to "counselling") (set: $giant_sentence to "you stopped a giant rampage (even though you never learned the full story)") }

the marriage is saved! and there's [[more!|G3elvescaught]]

it fails (set: $king_gone to true)the queen throws him off the volcano now [[she wants to talk to you|G3queen]]

she's way too hardcore for you (if: $strong)[she hits you so hard you fall into another dimension [[ow|PlanarAdventures]]](else:)[your only escape is to teleport into another dimension [[*voip*|PlanarAdventures]]] { (set: $giant_solution to "failure") (set: $giant_sentence to "you nearly stopped the giant rampage (but didn't)") }

(if: $king_gone)["I guess there's no point now my husband's dead" the invasion is over! even if you're not quite sure why [[success?|G3elves]]](else:)["no" so much for that [[kill her|G3queenkill]] ask [[the king|G3king]] instead?]

they have deadly [[warriors|G3elveskillfighters]] to kill you! and a [[priestess|G3elveskillpriest]] to heal them! and a [[wizard|G3elveskillwizard]] to make your life miserable! who will you target first? { (set: $giant_solution to "victory") (set: $giant_sentence to "you stopped the giant rampage *and* the evil elves behind it") }

their leader spills their master plan something something 'split up the royal couple' something something 'invade the land to spite each other' something something 'elves are the best' it's a *really bad* plan "and now you know our secrets... you must die!" [[sure, whatever, we all knew it was going here|G3elveskill]]

she's behind the warriors! [(if: $magical)[|zap>[magic lightning] ](if: $married)[|spouse>[spouse distraction] ](if: $dracurilla_servant)[|vamp>[vampire gorilla] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[|gobbo>[goblin assassin] ]|throw>[throw something]]<over1| |cloaked)[now who? [[priestess|G3elveskillpriest]] or [[warriors|G3elveskillfighters]]?] { (click: ?zap)[ (replace: ?over1)[*ZAP* no match for your arcane prowess] (show: ?cloaked) ] (click: ?spouse)[ (replace: ?over1)[your spouse isn't as badass as you but they can still take an unprepared wizard in an undignified fistfight] (show: ?cloaked) ] (click: ?dracurilla_servant)[ (replace: ?over1)[nothing solves problems like 800 lbs of angry undead primate] (show: ?cloaked) ] (click: ?gobbo)[ (replace: ?over1)[*shank* a goblin assassin gets her from behind! nice work, goblin assassin] (show: ?cloaked) ] (click: ?throw)[ (replace: ?over1)[ (if: $strong)[you murder her in an instant with an expertly thrown knife] (else:)[she sees you lining up your shot "nope!" and shoots [[rainbows|G3spray]] at you] ] ] }

you engage the priestess (unless: (history:) contains "G3elveskillwizard")[but the wizard blasts you with [[rainbows|G3spray]] while you're busy](else:)[she's got so much magic! she's basically invincible |over1>[what do? (if: $glib)[|words>[convince her I'm right] ](unless: $married)[|flirt>[flirt] ](if: $mweapon)[[bypass her damage reduction]<stab| with my (if: $elfsword)[sword](else:)[knife] ]|shove>[push her into a hole]]] { (click: ?words)[ (replace: ?over1)[you talk at her she comes around! together you finish off the warriors a proper [[victory!|Choice4]]] ] (click: ?flirt)[ (replace: ?over1)[ (if: $famous and not $scarred)[luckily she's a sucker for hot, awesome folks like you! together you finish off the warriors and get to smoochin' [[victory!|Choice4]]] (else:)[you flirt "go to hell" she says it's the verbal component in a [[*plane shift*|PlanarAdventures]] spell! (set: $giant_solution to "nearly") (set: $giant_sentence to "you stopped the giant rampage but were banished to hell by an evil elf") ] ] ] (click: ?stab)[ (replace: ?over1)[but she wasn't expecting a magic weapon! *stab stab stab* after that the warriors are easy [[victory!|Choice4]]] ] (click: ?shove)[ (replace: ?over1)[*shove* that was surprisingly easy you polish off the warriors easily [[victory!|Choice4]]] ] }

you take on the warriors (unless: (history:) contains "G3elveskillwizard")[but the wizard blasts you with [[rainbows|G3spray]] while you're busy](else:)[but the priestess keeps healing them you're quickly overwhelmed by their bladesong "hi ho hi ho it's off slaying we go" **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you stopped the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you were ganked by the evil elves responsible") }]

good news! the blast did not * turn you to stone * paralyse you * fatally poison you * curse you * kill you instantly * kill you slowly * force you to speak in a squeaky voice bad news! * the blast sent you to hell [[ah|PlanarAdventures]] { (set: $giant_solution to "nearly") (set: $giant_sentence to "you stopped the giant rampage but were banished to hell by an evil elf") }

so you're in hell now [[unfortunate|Planar2]] { (if: $profane_dracurilla)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_pirate)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_golem)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_goblin)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] (if: $profane_giant)[(set: $profane_count to it + 1)] }

so what now? time to [[escape|PlanarEscape]]? or is it better to [[reign in hell|PlanarConquest]] than... whatever else you were doing

wait... (if: $elf_society_collapse)[there are elves behind the whole thing! no doubt running from the ruins of their civilisation](else:)[there are evil elves behind the whole thing!] you [[confront them|G3elvestalk]]

"I could do better!" the queen declares you've seen the king she's not wrong perhaps you could [[sort him out?|G3kingMRA]] or maybe she should [[assert her independence?|G3queenindependence]] and what's this got to do with the [[invasion?|G3queeninvasion]]

"she doesn't want me to invade -- so I will!" a petulant giant king (if: (history:) contains "G3queeninvasion")[gr-- wait this all sounds [[familiar|G3giantsunited]]](else:)[great [[mend|G3kingMRA]] his relationship [[turn him|G3kingturn]] against the queen or maybe [[talk to the queen?|G3queen]] [[just kill him|G3kingkill]]]

"he doesn't want me to -- so I will!" a petulant giant queen (if: (history:) contains "G3queeninvasion")[gr-- wait this all sounds [[familiar|G3giantsunited]](else:)[great maybe [[the king needs help?|G3king]] or perhaps the queen could [[assert her independence?|G3queenindependence]]] less destructively? or you could [[just kill her|G3queenkill]]

"you're right!" she throws the king off the side of the volcano but she also calls off the invasion [[victory?|G3elves]]

the king and queen talk they were manipulated by some elves! you have no idea why because the giants killed them all oh well [[victory!|Choice4]] { (set: $giant_solution to "counselling") (set: $giant_sentence to "you stopped a giant rampage (even though you never learned the full story)") }

not much can unite the squabbling giant monarchs but for maybe ten glorious seconds it's you they paste you across the throne room *as a team* **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "your death was the one thing the fire giant king and queen could agree on") }

you face the chief in his great hall also his bodyguards are here murder all of them|GKill3 kill the chief and run|GKillRun (if: (history:) contains "GInvestigate")[slave uprising!|GSlaves]

(set: $aged to true)the spirit howls and curses you with decrepitude! **you have gained the trait "decrepit"** you stumble away, [[deeper in|MineSidetrack]]

the power of your god (if: $profane or $profane2)[crushes](else:)[dispels] the wraith! [[now for the looting|ToHFTLootAndRun]]

even you can't take this many [[the hell I can't|G2fight4]] [[hide in the snow|G2hide]] (if: $married or $dracurilla_servant)[[[use a distraction|G2distraction]]](elseif: $goblin_solution is "allies")[[[use a distraction|G2distraction]]]

(if: $strong and $mweapon)[huh turns out you can you leave their stabbed-up corpses to freeze and face [[the frost giant king|G2stealth2]] ](elseif: $class_count > 1)[huh turns out that your (if: $strong)[combination of spells and swordplay](else:)[ridiculous variety of magic] is just the ticket but what about... [[the frost giant king?|G2stealth2]] ](elseif: $magical and $elfspell and not $spells_gone)[you raise your orb of elf magic and wish those blue nuisances into the cornfield but what about... [[the frost giant king?|G2stealth2]] ](elseif: $wise and $elfspell and not $spells_gone)[you raise your orb of elf magic and wish those blue nuisances into the cornfield but what about... [[the frost giant king?|G2stealth2]] ](else:)[no you really can't **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "you got cocky and were mulched by a band of frost giants") }] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $cold_count is 1)[con: you freeze to death in a snowbank pro: you aren't found for *years* **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $giant_solution to "death") (set: $giant_sentence to "you attempted to stop the giant rampage") (set: $death_sentence to "hypothermia got you") }](else:)[(set: $cold_count to it + 1)the cold seeps into your bones but the giants move on leaving you free to handle [[the king|G2stealth2]] ] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[helpful goblins lead them off! you [[move on|G2stealth2]] ](elseif: $married)[your spouse distracts them! you [[move on|G2stealth2]] ](elseif: $dracurilla_servant)[they break off to hunt your vampire gorilla! you [[move on|G2stealth2]] and try to ignore the sounds of gorilla-on-giant violence ](else:)[ERROR]

through the bars is a temple! it's a bit flooded there's a huge (unless: (history:) contains "UnderseaIdol")[[[idol|UnderseaIdol]]](else:)[idol] and some (unless: (history:) contains "UnderseaMermaids")[[[mermaids|UnderseaMermaids]]](else:)[mermaids] [[time to go|Undersea3]]

kind of an angry lobster-octopus thing (if: $wise)[you know that god! it's an unspeakable death god big fan of blood sacrifice, slaughter, death, etc.](else:)[it's a bit... bloodstained] probably best to [[leave|Undersea2]]

half women half fish black gleaming eyes mouths full of rending teeth um perhaps you should [[leave|Undersea2]]

first, get out of this cave (if: $strong)[*flex* [[no problem|UnderseaStrong]] ](else:)[[[pretend|UnderseaPretend]] to have escaped [[annoy them|UnderseaAnnoy]] ]

the bars are nothing before your mighty strength [[free!|UnderseaStep2]]

a mermaid comes to explore the 'empty' cell! [[slip out|UnderseaPretend2]] [[kill her|UnderseaPretend2a]], *then* slip out

you make a lot of noise an angry mermaid appears! [[kill her|UnderseaAnnoy2a]] with her own trident [[lure her|UnderseaAnnoy2b]] into the cave

second, the temple's underwater you'll need to breathe water to escape! (if: $wise or $magical)[[[spells|UnderseaStep3a]] will take care of that](else:)[to the [[mermaid alchemy lab|UnderseaStep2a]]]

(set: $temple_kills to it +1)heroic! and now you're [[free|UnderseaStep2]]

(set: $hero_hits to it + 1)(set: $temple_kills to it + 1)long story short she's in the cell, dead you're out of the cell, wounded [[ow|UnderseaStep2]]

[[free!|UnderseaStep2]]

(set: $temple_kills to it + 1)turns out mermaids (if: $magical)[get *magic missiled*](else:)[get their necks broken] just like people [[free!|UnderseaStep2]]

easy [[moving on|UnderseaStep3]]

(if: $temple_kills > 0)[is it you, or does the temple idol look angrier? whatever ]you surprise the mermaid alchemist! "give me a water breathing potion" she offers you a bottle [[drink up|UnderseaFishman]] [[kill her|UnderseaStep2kill]] (if: $wealthy)[[[bribe her|UnderseaStep2bribery]] [[flip tables|UnderseaStep2flip]]]

(if: $temple_kills is 1)[is it you, or does the temple idol look angrier? whatever ](elseif: $temple_kills is 2)[the temple idol is definitely angry and glistening and did it just move? nah... ]step three, find the exit it's a pool behind the idol! but the mermaids are busy worshiping it [[what do?|UnderseaStep3b]]

that was silly you mutate into a horrible fishman **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $undersea_solution to "settled") (set: $undersea_sentence to "you were imprisoned in the mermaid temple") (set: $death_sentence to "you were turned into a horrible fishman, and served the mermaids for the rest of your life") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(set: $temple_kills to it + 1)you murder her eventually you find a potion that looks like it'll do the job [[time to go|UnderseaStep3]]

"a girl's got to keep herself in forbidden reagents" her shark-tooth smile is terrifying but she whips you up a potion of water-breathing [[time to go|UnderseaStep3]]

you cause a ruckus! the guards arrive! (if: $hero_hits is 0)[you kill all of them (if: $temple_kills > 0)[[[...what's that noise?|UnderseaIdolDeath]]](else:)[(set: $temple_kills to 2)the alchemist cowers and gives you the right potion [[time to go|UnderseaStep3]]]](else:)[you are skewered on their tridents **you have died** (if: $temple_kills > 0)[(although your death wakes the idol, which then kills all the mermaids; not a total loss) ]|pm>[postmortem] { (set: $undersea_solution to "death") (set: $undersea_sentence to "you were imprisoned in the mermaid temple") (if: $temple_kills is 0)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you were killed trying to escape") ](else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "your death awoke the lobstoctopus idol, ushering in an age of terror beneath the sea") ] (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

you've shed too much blood the lobstoctopus idol has come to life! it murders everything in the temple including you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $undersea_solution to "death") (set: $undersea_sentence to "you were imprisoned in the mermaid temple") (set: $death_sentence to "you accidentally awoke the lobstoctopus idol, which killed you (and everyone else)") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

[[kill|Undersea3kill]] the mermaids [[sneak past|Undersea3sneak]] just [[cheese it|Undersea3run]]

(unless: $magical)[it's a bloodbath](else:)[you make with the spells *zart*] (if: $temple_kills > 0)[wait [[...what's that noise?|UnderseaIdolDeath]]](else:)[...and you're clear to [[leave!|Undersea4]]]

you swim under the water past the idol and [[out!|Undersea4]]

you charge through the flooded temple! you're most of the way there! suddenly, a mermaid! you kill her (if: $temple_kills > 1)[...and what's that [[noise|UnderseaIdolDeath]]](else:)[and you're [[home free!|Undersea4]]]

you return to land damp but alive [[what next?|Choice4]]

you get stuck in but even a (if: $strong)[warrior](elseif: $magical)[magic user](else:)[priest] as mighty as you can't win a war alone [[want to bet?|EmpireWar2]] [[okay, let's talk|EmpireChat]] { (if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[(set: $warfare to it + 1)] (if: $famous)[(set: $warfare to it + 1)] (if: $wealthy)[(set: $warfare to it + 1)] (unless: $elf_society_collapse)[(set: $warfare to it + 1)] }

a diplomat meets you "we're here to save you" [["from what?"|EmpireChat2]]

you lead armies against the undead! (if: $civilisation_collapse_count is 1)[how sad that (if: $elf_society_collapse)[elf society is too ruined to offer assistance](else:)[the kingdom can't afford soldiers any more] ](elseif: $civilisation_collapse_count is 2)[how sad that the kingdom can't afford soldiers any more and the elves are too busy dealing with the collapse of their society to help ](if: $blackguard)[(if: $civilisation_collapse_count > 0)[also ](else:)[but ]you're a known slaver your army turns on you before the undead get anywhere near it **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "leadership fail") (set: $plague_sentence to "you led an army against the hordes of undead") (set: $death_sentence to "your own army turned on you when they learned about your awful past") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](else:)[(if: $civilisation_collapse_count > 0)[but ]you've got some (unless: $bankrupt_kingdom)[soldiers](else:)[armed peasants] (if: $wolftamer)[and those dire wolves you tamed while hunting giants ](if: $famous)[and a whole bunch of people attracted by your fame ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[and all the goblins you could want ][[it'll have to be enough|PlagueLead2]]]

(if: $wolftamer)[the dire wolves you fed know what's up they take you right to [[the source|PlagueFind2]] ](else:)[but how will you seek it? (if: $magical or $wise)[with [[magic|PlagueFindDivination]], obvs ](if: $glib)[[[pretend to join them|PlagueFindGlib]] ][[scour the land|PlagueFindTimeConsuming]] ]

you're an agent of evil!(if: $blackguard)[ (again)] [[cool|PlagueServantCool]] (unless: (history:) contains "PlagueFindGlib")[[[resist|PlagueServantResist]]]

(set: $blackguard to true)you lead an army of undead **you have gained the trait "blackguard"** (if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[your goblin allies join in the violence ](if: $profane2)[but then! your mind is filled by the presence of your [[awful god|PlagueEvilGod]] ](elseif: $goblin_queen)[suddenly! it's [[that goblin|PlagueEvilGoblin]] from the dungeon ](elseif: $married)[then: [[poisoned!|PlagueEvilSpouse]] ](elseif: $crimerival)[then: [[a knife in the dark!|PlagueEvilCrim]] ](elseif: $spouse_vampire to false)[but wait! it's your spouse! and they're a [[vampire|PlagueEvilVamp]] now! ](else:)[it all goes [[pretty well|PlagueServantWin]] ]

you struggle against the dwarf's magic (unless: $magical or $wise)[you can't escape! (if: $profane2)[but then! your mind is filled by the presence of your [[awful god|PlagueEvilGod]] ](elseif: $married)[[[but then!|PSRSpouseSacrifice]] ](else:)[**your adventure is over** [postmortem]<pm|]](else:)[your (if: $magical)[magic](else:)[god] gives you just! enough! strength! for [[one action|PSROneAction]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the battle is all kinds of epic and awesome also, you lose **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you became a willing captain in the apocalyptic army of undead") (set: $death_sentence to "the goblin demigod you inadvertently created came back and killed you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

it remakes you *pain* *violence* **you have died** [[postmortem|PlagueEvilGod1a]] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you became a willing captain in the apocalyptic army of undead") (set: $death_sentence to "your awful god didn't like that, so it made you into something else") }

your spouse shakes their head "this isn't who I married" well no you were *alive* then **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you became a willing captain in the apocalyptic army of undead") (set: $death_sentence to "your spouse disagreed with your career decision -- and poisoned you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

your crime rival! "I was always going to get you in the end" saving the world was an afterthought **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you became a willing captain in the apocalyptic army of undead") (set: $death_sentence to "your old crime rival stuck knives in several of your important organs") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[the land is poor and disorganised you [[crush them|PlagueEvilMegaWin]] ](else:)[the people put up a good fight! but in the end, you [[crush them|PlagueEvilMinorWin]] { (if: $class_count is 1)[ (if: $strong)[(set: $you_undead to "death knight")] (if: $magical)[(set: $you_undead to "lich")] (if: $wise)[(set: $you_undead to "crypt guardian")] ](else:)[ (if: $strong and $magical)[ (set: $you_undead to "death knight") ] (if: $strong and $wise)[ (set: $you_undead to "dread antipaladin") ] (if: $wise and $magical)[ (set: $you_undead to "lich") ] (if: $strong and $magical and $wise)[ (set: $you_undead to "dread demigod") ] ] }

I mean, the kind of thing you are now? doesn't really die doesn't really live either so... **you have... transcended mortality, in a pretty bad way** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

wait... did I say 'died'? [[um|PlagueEvilGod2]]

the necromancer bootstraps herself into divinity (if: $profane_count > 0)[so when your forgotten god rises... ...she slaps it down again she also turns you into a $you_undead of surpassing power](else:)[the necromancer turns you into a $you_undead of surpassing power] and leaves you to rule a world of the dead **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ] { (set: $plague_solution to "undead") (set: $plague_sentence to "you assisted an army of dead conquering the world") (set: $death_sentence to "well... 'ends' are for mortals, right?") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $profane_count > 0)[but what's this? ...a [[new threat?!|SecretChapter]] ](else:)[the necromancer turns you into a $you_undead together you rule a world of the dead **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ] { (set: $plague_solution to "undead") (set: $plague_sentence to "you assisted an army of dead conquering the world") (set: $death_sentence to "well... 'ends' are for mortals, right?") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

your forgotten god! (if: $profane3)[wait no the ancient undead skull?!? ][[oh... dear|SC2]] { (if: $profane3)[ (set: $fgod to "the ancient undead god-devouring skull") ] (else:)[ (set: $fgod to "the forgotten god") ] (set: $profanethings to (dataset:))  }

they're not happy that you threw them to a vampire gorilla and they want to lead the armies of the dead instead of you! [[okay|PEVSurrender]] [[never!|PEVFight]]

you have shown weakness! they turn you into their vampire slave **your adventure ends here** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "undead") (set: $plague_sentence to "you assisted an army of dead conquering the world") (set: $death_sentence to "your spouse, now a vampire, turned you into their vampire slave") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

it's a fight! (if: $class_count < 2)[they wreck you with vampire powers **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "undead") (set: $plague_sentence to "you assisted an army of dead conquering the world") (set: $death_sentence to "your spouse, now a vampire, stole your job and killed you") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](else:)[you kill them properly this time back to [[conquering the world|PlagueServantWin]] ]

you're an agent of evil!(if: $blackguard)[ (again)] [[cool|PlagueServantCool]]

(set: $married to false)your spouse intervenes! the sorcerous backlash kills them **you are no longer "married"** [[nooooooooo|PSRSpSac2]]

[[the dwarf|OneShotDwarf]] throbs with anti-life power [[undead|OneShotDead]] roam the land but which will you strike?

but they've bought you [[one moment of freedom|PSROneAction]]

she's not expecting your (if: (history:) contains "PlagueFind3")[sudden betrayal](else:)[moment of freedom] (if: $elfspell or $elfsword or $wise)[in an instant you strike her down(if: $elfspell)[ with your elven sorcery](elseif: $wise)[ with the power of your (if: $profane or $profane3)[bleak ]god]](elseif: $class_count is 3)[in an instant you strike her down with sword and spell and divine purpose] [[victory!|PlagueWin]]](else:)[but all your (if: $strong)[might](else:)[power]... [[isn't enough!|PlagueArgh]] ]

you shatter the artefact that holds her power! the army of undead crumble on the spot in exchange the necromancer hauls your soul out and does *terrible* things to it **you have died** (but the land is safe!) |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "pyrhhic") (if: (history:) contains "PlagueFind3")[ (set: $plague_sentence to "when an army of undead threatened, you used your guile to get close to the boss and shattered her control over them") ] (else:)[ (set: $plague_sentence to "when an army of undead threatened, you destroyed them with a heroic effort of resistance") ] (set: $death_sentence to "your defiance cost you your life worth it?") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the undead rampage, leaderless (if: $profane_count > 0)[...wait [[something else|SecretChapter]] is coming?!](else:)[the land is (unless: $bankrupt_kingdom)[battered, but will recover everything's peaceful](else:)[a complete ruin but you're alive and so are some other people so that's a win, right?] **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ] { (set: $plague_solution to "win") (if: (history:) contains "PlagueFind3")[ (set: $plague_sentence to "when an army of undead threatened, you used your guile to get close to the boss -- and killed her") ] (else:)[ (set: $plague_sentence to "when an army of undead threatened, you killed the boss despite being her soulbound slave") ] (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[ (set: $death_sentence to "the undead still ruined everything, though; you became a warlord of the post-apocalyptic wasteland") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you (and others) cleaned up the undead plague, and your name became legend") ] (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

she's not very forgiving she hauls your soul out and does *terrible* things to it **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you tried to fight the control of the dwarf necromancer") (set: $death_sentence to "you failed, and died a horrible death") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $civilisation_collapse_count > $saved)[it isn't **you have died** (and so did your army) |pm>[postmortem] { (if: $civlisation_collapse_count - 1 > $saved)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you were horribly outclassed and died a failure") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you were outclassed and killed in action") ] }](else:)[it is!(if: $civilisation_collapse_count is $saved)[ (just)] you've saved the land (if: $profane_count > 0)[...wait a [[new threat|SecretChapter]]?! ](else:)[**your adventure ends here** |pm>[postmortem] { (if: $civlisation_collapse_count is $saved)[ (set: $death_sentence to "it was close, but you saved everyone! (well, maybe not everyone... *some people*, anyway") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you won the day! you retired a legend") ] }]] { (set: $plague_solution to "leadership win") (set: $plague_sentence to "you led an army against the hordes of undead") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

a dwarf necromancer! she's empowered by the souls of the fallen (if: $spouse_vampire)[[[time to fight|PlagueFight]]](else:)[[[time to fight|PlagueFight2]]]

you consult your scrying pool oh, it's a dwarf necromancer she's right over there wait [[what's she doing|AstralBattle]]

a dwarf necromancer! she wants to use everybody's soul to become a god [[sign up for real|PlagueServant]] [[betray her!|PlagueFind3]]

(set: $bankrupt_kingdom to true)it takes ages but you [[find them|PlagueFind2]]

you'll only get one shot kill [[the dwarf|OneShotDwarf]]? (if you can) or break her [[control artefact|OneShotDead]]?

mind vs mind a titanic battle on the astral plane! (if: $magical and $wise)[you've got the [[edge|AstralBattleUpperHand]] ](elseif: $profane2)[your awful god [[has your back|AstralBattleAwfulGod]] ](else:)[it's [[evenly matched!|AstralBattleEven]]]

she uses the blackest of magic dead souls stream into your mind (if: $blackguard)[oh *please*; you call that evil? [[*this*|AstralBattleWin]] is evil](elseif: $elfspell)[you deflect them with elf sorcery [[*finish her*|AstralBattleWin]]](elseif: $married)[but your love for your spouse shines like a beacon! you [[weaponise it|AstralBattleWin]] and try not to think too hard about what that means ](else:)[you have no defence! **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you engaged the mistress of the undead plague in astral combat") (set: $death_sentence to "you lost, though") }] { (click: $pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

it opens your mind like a pair of curtains the necromancer is overwhelmed in seconds unfortunately so are you **you have died** (you totally saved the land, though) |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "pyrrhic") (set: $plague_sentence to "you engaged the mistress of the undead horde in astral combat") (set: $death_sentence to "your awful god invaded the psychic link and obliterated you both") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

the two of you are deadlocked you need an edge! (if: $married)[[my love]<love| for my spouse! ](if: $goblin_queen)[[my mighty goblin ally!]<gqueen| ](if: $elfspell)[an [elf spell]<elfspell| so powerful it feels like cheating! ]a handful of [human sacrifices!]<sac| ...[nothin']<nowt| { (click: ?love)[ (set: $ab_option to "love") (goto: "AstralBattleWin0") ] (click: ?gqueen)[ (set: $ab_option to "gqueen") (goto: "AstralBattleWin0") ] (click: ?elfspell)[ (set: $ab_option to "elfspell") (goto: "AstralBattleWin0") ] (click: ?sac)[ (set: $ab_option to "sac") (set: $blackguard to true) (set: $bankrupt_kingdom to true) (goto: "AstralBattleWin0") ] (click: ?nowt)[ (set: $ab_option to "nowt") (goto: "AstralBattleLose") ] }

you crush the last bits of her mental resistance victory! (if: $profane_count > 0)[...wait [[something else|SecretChapter]] is coming?!](else:)[the land is (unless: $bankrupt_kingdom)[battered, but will recover everything's peaceful](else:)[a complete ruin but you're alive and so are some other people so that's a win, right?] **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ] { (set: $plague_solution to "win") (set: $plague_sentence to "you engaged the mistress of the undead horde in astral combat, and crushed her") (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[ (set: $death_sentence to "the undead still ruined everything, though; you became a warlord of the post-apocalyptic wasteland") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you (and others) cleaned up the undead plague, and your name became legend") ] (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $ab_option is "love")[your love for your spouse shines like a beacon! you [[weaponise it|AstralBattleWin]] and try not to think too hard about what that means ](elseif: $ab_option is "gqueen")[it's that almighty goblin! she [[adds her will to yours|AstralBattleWin]] ](elseif: $ab_option is "elfspell")[with magic like this you can sort of understand why elves are so snooty [[*ZART*|AstralBattleWin]] ](elseif: $ab_option is "sac")[**you have gained the traitt "blackguard"** is there nothing human sacrifice can't solve? it certainly [[works wonders|AstralBattleWin]] here ](else:)[ERROR - you shouldn't be able to see this.]

that's the end of that then **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you engaged the mistress of the undead plague in astral combat") (set: $death_sentence to "you lost, though") (click: $pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

suddenly it's your vampire spouse! they're quite angry at how you ditched them (if: $goblin_queen)[but then! the ultra-goblin from the deadly dungeon steps in it's [[you versus the dwarf|PlagueFight2]] ](else:)[[[oh dear|PlagueFightVampireSpouse]]]

(if: $crimerival)[but then it's your crime rival from back in the day! 'revenge!' he shouts [[reason with him|PlagueFight3a]] [[kill him|PlagueFight3b]] ](else:)[you face off against the dwarf [[tension|PlagueFightFinal]] ]

(if: $glib)['wait!' you shout you spin a tale of woe and star-crossed love they buy it! for now but you can deal with that later; time to fight [[the dwarf|PlagueFight2]] ](else:)[it's a fight! (if: $class_count < 2)[they wreck you with vampire powers **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you tried to end the plague of undead") (set: $death_sentence to "you were killed by your spouse, now a vampire") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }](else:)[you kill them properly this time back to [[fighting that dwarf|PlagueFight2]] ]]

you point out the end of the world is happening like, right now and can he please put this on ice for later? 'good point' he waves you off to fight [[the dwarf|PlagueFightFinal]]

you slay him but he scratched you with his poisoned knife (if: $wise)[you cure the poison with a quick spell *whum* now... [[the dwarf|PlagueFightFinale]] ](else:)[(set: $poison_knife to true)no time to worry about that now you have [[a dwarf|PlagueFightFinale]] to fight ]

but how? (if: $elfspell)[[[titanic spell duel|PlagueFightSpells]] ](elseif: $magical and $wise)[[[titanic spell duel|PlagueFightSpells]] ](if: $strong and $class_count is 2)[[[sword and spell|PlagueFightTwoClass]] ](elseif: $class_count is 3)[[[sword and spell|PlagueFightThreeClass]] ]with [[whatever I can find|PlagueFightDesperate]]

she's got better spells than you and she's handy with an axe too! it's [[not going well|PlagueFightDesperate]]

you match her spell for spell she comes at you with an axe and you go toe-to-toe! and eventually... [[victory!|PlagueFightWin]]

her magic blasts your soul! her punches break your nose! (if: $goblin_queen)[but while she's knocking you about that ultra-goblin from the dungeon cuts her head off [[victory?|PlagueFightWin]] ](elseif: $married)[(set: $married to false)your spouse throws a shoe! the dwarf kills them with balefire **you are no longer "married"** (nooooooooooo) but she leaves enough of an opening for you to stick a knife in [[victory!|PlagueFightWin]] sort of ](elseif: $profane2)[but then your awful god [[exerts its power|PFAwfulGod]] ](else:)[and that's pretty much the end of that **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you fought the mistress of the undead horde") (set: $death_sentence to "you just weren't strong enough") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }]

you and she trade spell for spell it goes on for some time eventually... [[you're both out|PlagueFightSpells2]]

she comes at you with her fists dwarves are tough! (if: $strong)[but you are tougher [[victory!|PlagueFightWin]]](elseif: $elfsword)[but your sweet elven sword cuts her down [[victory!|PlagueFightWin]]](elseif: $married)[but your spouse distracts her with a thrown shoe you cut her down [[victory!|PlagueFightWin]]](else:)[it's a slightly humiliating way to go **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you engaged the mistress of the undead plague in spell combat") (set: $death_sentence to "she had to beat you to death with a rock to make you stop") (click: $pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] } ]

(if: $poison_knife)[oh wait remember that poisoned knife? your liver does **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "death") (set: $plague_sentence to "you killed the mistress of the undead horde") (set: $death_sentence to "you succumbed to an earlier scratch from a poisoned knife") }](elseif: $profane_count > 0)[...wait [[something else|SecretChapter]] is coming?! { (set: $plague_solution to "win") (set: $plague_sentence to "you fought the mistress of the undead horde, and won") (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[ (set: $death_sentence to "the undead still ruined everything, though; you became a warlord of the post-apocalyptic wasteland") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you (and others) cleaned up the undead plague, and your name became legend") ] }](else:)[the land is (unless: $bankrupt_kingdom)[battered, but will recover everything's peaceful](else:)[a complete ruin but you're alive and so are some other people so that's a win, right?] **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "win") (set: $plague_sentence to "you fought the mistress of the undead horde, and won") (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[ (set: $death_sentence to "the undead still ruined everything, though; you became a warlord of the post-apocalyptic wasteland") ] (else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you (and others) cleaned up the undead plague, and your name became legend") ] }] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

it opens your mind and body like a pair of curtains the necromancer is overwhelmed in seconds unfortunately so are you **you have died** (you totally saved the land, though) |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $plague_solution to "pyrrhic") (set: $plague_sentence to "you fought the mistress of the undead horde") (set: $death_sentence to "your awful god used your body as a weapon, destroying you in the process") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

(if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[you bring in your goblin allies ](if: $famous)[heroes rally to your side from all around, drawn by your fame ](if: $wealthy)[you hire only the finest mercenaries ](unless: $elf_society_collapse)[even the elves pitch in to help ](if: $warfare > 2)[...and it [[works|EmpireWarWin]]](else:)[...but it's still not enough you're going to have to [[talk to them|EmpireChat]]]

it's a hard-fought victory but it's a victory the empire is defeated! (if: $profane_count > 0)[but then... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]] ](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ]{ (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $empire_solution to "win") (set: $empire_sentence to "you raised an army and defeated the invading empire") (set: $death_sentence to "you lived a long, glorious life") }

"from (if: $mine_solution is "ERROR")[haunted mines, ](if: $capital_solution is "ERROR")[rampant crime in your cities, ](if: $slavery_solution is "ERROR")[roaming slavers, ](if: $sea_solution is "ERROR")[pirate gangs, ](if: $elf_solution is "ERROR")[plaguemongers, ](if: $undersea_solution is "ERROR" and $tomb_solution is "ERROR")[bloodthirsty gods of the deep sea, and deadly dungeons](elseif: $undersea_solution is "ERROR" and $giant_solution is "ERROR")[bloodthirsty gods of the deep sea, and rampaging giants](elseif: $giant_solution is "ERROR" and $tomb_solution is "ERROR")[deadly dungeons, and rampaging giants]" [[okay|EmpireSurrender]] [[no|EmpireChat3]]

you sign the paper (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[one small catch turns out you killed a lot of empire soldiers and any peace has to be sealed with your head [[...ok|EmpireBeheading]] like hell -- (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[the war's back on|EmpireEternalWar]]](else:)[[[the war's back on|EmpireWarFinal]]] ](elseif: $blackguard)[one small catch turns out you killed a lot of empire soldiers and any peace has to be sealed with your head [[...ok|EmpireBeheading]] like hell -- (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[the war's back on|EmpireEternalWar]]](else:)[[[the war's back on|EmpireWarFinal]]] ](else:)[and that's that you're part of the empire now (if: $profane_count > 0)[but then... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]] ](else:)[in any case **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $empire_solution to "surrender") (set: $empire_sentence to "you surrendered to the invading empire") (set: $death_sentence to "you lived the rest of your life under their watchful eye") }

the diplomat is confused "but this place is (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[a desperate mud hole](else:)[so unstable]! we have a moral obligation to step in" (if: $glib)[[weasel words]<glib| ][[but our freedom?|EmpireChatNopeFreedom]] [[better ways of helping|EmpireChatNopeFreedom]] [[invasion isn't moral|EmpireChatNope]] { (click: ?glib)[ (replace: ?glib)[(text-style: "strike")[weasel words] nope! he's too good at diplomacy!] ] }

(if: $civilisation_collapse_count > $saved)["your freedom?" he laughs "you've freely reduced this place to ruin!" "now if you'll just sign this surrender...?" [[surrender|EmpireSurrender]] (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[back to war|EmpireEternalWar]]](else:)[[[back to war|EmpireWarFinal]]]](else:)[you point out how well you've done solving problems "...good point" he concedes "but how do we stop now?" find [[a new enemy|EmpireChatNewEnemy]] just [[stop|EmpireChatStop]] just [[stop, also pay us|EmpireChatReparations]] ]

he pats your hand "it's for a greater good" "now if you'll just sign this surrender...?" [[surrender|EmpireSurrender]] (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[back to war|EmpireEternalWar]]](else:)[[[back to war|EmpireWarFinal]]]

(set: $kingdom_fucking_ruined to true)(unless: (history:) contains "EmpireWarFinal")[the war continues ]you lose by inches then feet then miles (if: $profane_count > 0)[and then, when all seems lost [[it gets worse|SecretChapter]]](else:)[and then it's all gone **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (set: $empire_solution to "lost") (set: $empire_sentence to "you burned everything you and your country had, in a war with an invading empire") (set: $death_sentence to "it wasn't enough; you still lost") }

(if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[you bring in your goblin allies ](if: $famous)[heroes rally to your side from all around, drawn by your fame ](if: $wealthy)[you hire only the finest mercenaries ](unless: $elf_society_collapse)[even the elves pitch in to help ](if: $warfare > 2)[...and it [[works!|EmpireWarWin]]](else:)[...but it's [[still not enough|EmpireEternalWar]]

"oh, that'll work"(if: $giant_solution is "ERROR")[ "we'll go after those giants over there"] the empire's armies tear up the next kingdom over! success! (sort of) (if: $profane_count > 0)[but then... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $empire_solution to "redirection") (set: $empire_sentence to "you redirected the invading empire to the next kingdom over") (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[ (set: $death_sentence to "the land was still a mess; you became a warlord amid the ruins") ](else:)[ (set: $death_sentence to "you spent the rest of your life living large on your heroism") ] }

"I suppose we could" he seems dubious "I'll tell the emperor" (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[good?|EmpireChatStop3]] ](elseif: $blackguard)[[[good?|EmpireChatStop3]] ](else:)[[[good?|EmpireChatStop2]] ]

"oh that'll never work" "now if you'll just sign this surrender...?" [[surrender|EmpireSurrender]] (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[back to war|EmpireEternalWar]]](else:)[[[back to war|EmpireWarFinal]]]

the empire calls off the invasion! its armies disband and just sort of storm all over the place (if: $bankrupt_kingdom)[it's ugly there's really nothing left](else:)[(set: $bankrupt_kingdom to true)the land is ruined but it might recover?] (if: $profane_count > 0)[but then... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[in any case **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $empire_solution to "disbanded") (set: $empire_sentence to "you negotiated with an invading empire, although the land was damaged by war") (set: $death_sentence to "you established a mini-domain in the ruins and lived like a warlord for the rest of your life") }

the diplomat looks nervous "just... one more thing..." turns out you killed a lot of empire soldiers and any peace has to be sealed with your head [[...ok|EmpireBeheading]] like hell -- (if: (history:) contains "EmpireWar2")[[[the war's back on|EmpireEternalWar]]](else:)[[[the war's back on|EmpireWarFinal]]] { (set: $empire_sentence to "you negotiated peace with the invading empire") }

it's all very dignified and for a good cause but it's still an execution **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $empire_solution to "death")  (set: $death_sentence to "you gave your life to seal the deal") }

you go to make a deal with the local duke of hell (if: $planar_spouse)[wait... that's... *your spouse!* [[unexpected!|PlanarSpouseChat]]](else:)[it's huge and red wings fire you know the drill it [[listens|PlanarConquestDealLeverage]]]

you versus a theoretically infinite number of demons [[bring it|PlanarConquest2]] maybe [[leaving|PlanarEscape]] *is* a better option?

(if: $blackguard)[some of the demons have heard of you! they approve of your evil deeds and [[join up|PlanarConquestWin]]](elseif: $profane or $profane2 or $profane3)[your (if: $profane2)[awful](else:)[forgotten] god guides you to its servants several demons [[join you!|PlanarConquestWin]]](elseif: $strong)[you're a natural war leader! several demons [[join your banner|PlanarConquestWin]]](else:)[even you can't fight *n* demons where *n* approaches infinity (unless: (history:) contains "PlanarConquestDealLeverage")[you are [[brought in chains|PlanarConquestLose]] before a duke of hell](else:)["nice try" says the duke "one more chance: your soul?" [[yes|PlanarConquestSellSoul]] [[no|PlanarConquestBadEnd]]

you conquer hell! well this little bit of it the duke is [[brought in chains before you|PlanarConquestWin2]]

(if: $planar_spouse)[wait... that's... *your spouse!* [[unexpected!|PlanarSpouseChat]]](else:)[it's huge and red wings fire you know the drill it offers you a [[deal|PlanarConquestDeal]]]

they're a bit... demony, now horns wings kinda red a little bit on fire [[what happened?|PlanarSpouseChat2]]

(unless: $blackguard)["a soul like yours would be useful to me" (if: $wise or $profane or $profane2 or $profane3)[but your soul is already claimed by your (if: $profane2)[awful ](elseif: $wise)[](else:)[forgotten ]god you [[refuse|PlanarConquestBadEnd]] (if: $married or $elfspell or $elfsword or $dracurilla_servant or $wealthy)[...or maybe trade [[something else|PlanarConquestTrade]]?] ](else:)[[[ok|PlanarConquestSellSoul]] [[no|PlanarConquestBadEnd]] (if: $married or $elfspell or $elfsword or $dracurilla_servant or $wealthy)[perhaps [[something else|PlanarConquestTrade]]?]] ](else:)[you've done such evil things your soul already belongs to hell the duke laughs and kills you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "death") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell") (set: $death_sentence to "a duke of hell harvested your blackened soul") }]

(unless: $profane2)["oh well" the duke of hell seals you away forever **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]](else:)["oh well" the duke of hell seals you a-- wait [[what's happening?|PCBEProfane2]]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "prison") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell, but couldn't trade your soul for escape") (set: $death_sentence to "died of a horrible, horrible disease in a prison in hell") ] }

"it's a deal!" and that's that you go home but you haven't got the stomach for adventuring now **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "deal") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell, and made a deal for your release") (set: $death_sentence to "you died, and your soul was claimed by hell and that sucked") }

what else do you have? (if: $married)[[your spouse's soul]<spouse| ](if: $elfspell)[[secret elven arcane arts]<elfspell| ](if: $elfsword)[[a sweet elven sword]<elfsword| ](if: $dracurilla_servant)[[a novelty vampire gorilla pet]<gorilla| ](if: $wealthy)[[*stupid* amounts of gold]<cash| ] { (click: ?spouse)[ (set: $demon_deal to "spouse") (goto: "PlanarConquestDeal2") ] (click: ?elfspell)[ (set: $demon_deal to "elfspell") (goto: "PlanarConquestDeal2") ] (click: ?elfsword)[ (set: $demon_deal to "elfsword") (goto: "PlanarConquestDeal2") ] (click: ?gorilla)[ (set: $demon_deal to "gorilla") (goto: "PlanarConquestDeal2") ] (click: ?cash)[ (set: $demon_deal to "cash") (goto: "PlanarConquestDeal2") ] }

(if: $demon_deal is "spouse")[(set: $blackguard to true)(set: $married to false)your spouse is horrified **you are no longer "married"** **you have gained the trait "blackguard"** the duke thinks this is hilarious "deal!" he opens a portal [[home|PlanarFreedom]] "you'll be back here eventually, anyway" he says he laughs a lot at that ](elseif: $demon_deal is "elfspell")[you offer him all the secrets of elven magic "deal" once you've imparted your knowledge he opens a portal [[home|PlanarFreedom]] ](elseif: $demon_deal is "elfsword")[(set: $elfsword to false)"a sweet elven sword!" turns out the duke collects sweet elven swords he takes yours in exchange for a portal [[home|PlanarFreedom]] ](elseif: $demon_deal is "gorilla")[(set: $dracurilla_servant to false)"that's *amazing*" the duke of hell is impressed! you trade your vampire gorilla-- **you are no longer "owner of a vampire gorilla"** --for a portal [[home|PlanarFreedom]] ](elseif: $demon_deal is "cash")[(set: $wealthy to false)the duke of hell is already wealthy but then he sees what you've got "wow" you have to give it *all* over **you are no longer "wealthy"** but he lets you go [[home|PlanarFreedom]] ](else:)[ERROR]

home! after that, you're not in a hurry to leave again (if: $profane_count > 0)[but wait... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] ]{ (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "deal") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell, and made a deal for your release") (if: $blackguard)[ (set: $death_sentence to "your blackened soul dragged you back there, though") ](elseif: $demon_deal is "elfspell")[(set: $death_sentence to "you spent the rest of your life fighting demons with ridiculous elven magic and all the trouble they create? you did that" ](else:)[(set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age, more or less happy") ] }

your awful god! it opens your mind like a pair of curtains *pain* *violence* and then it's not really you any more, is it? **you have died** [[postmortem|PlagueEvilGod1a]] { (set: $planar_solution to "prison") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell, but couldn't trade your soul for escape") (set: $death_sentence to "became a vehicle for your awful god you didn't survive the experience") ] }

(if: $planar_spouse)[wait... that's... *your spouse!* [[unexpected!|PlanarSpouseChat]]](else:)["release me!" the duke shouts "give back what you have taken, and I shall send you home" [[ok|PlanarConquestWin3]] [[nah|PlanarConquestWin4]]; I think I'll run things here instead]

you strike the deal the duke of hell sends you home "good riddance" it mutters as you go you settle down in the lands you've travelled (if: $profane_count > 0)[but wait... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "conquest") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell and beat up demons until one sent you home") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age surrounded by adoring family") }

you bind the duke and practise your maniacal laugh it's pretty good! which is good since you're a duke of hell now **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "conquest") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell -- and stormed all over it") (set: $death_sentence to "you installed yourself as a demon lord and became a creature of nightmare ...congratulations?") }

(unless: $blackguard)["a soul like yours would be useful to me" (if: $wise or $profane or $profane2 or $profane3)[but your soul is already claimed by your (if: $profane2)[awful ](elseif: $wise)[](else:)[forgotten ]god looks like it's [[war in hell|PlanarConquest2]] (if: $married or $elfspell or $elfsword or $dracurilla_servant or $wealthy)[or maybe there's [[something else|PlanarConquestTrade]] it'll take?] ](else:)[[[ok|PlanarConquestSellSoul]] how about I [[knock you senseless|PlanarConquest2]] instead? (if: $married or $elfspell or $elfsword or $dracurilla_servant or $wealthy)perhaps you'd take [[something else|PlanarConquestTrade]]?] ](else:)[you've done such evil things your soul already belongs to hell the duke laughs and kills you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "death") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell") (set: $death_sentence to "a duke of hell harvested your blackened soul") }]

it's a long story but they're part demon now and (if: (history:) contains "PlanarConquestWin2")[were ]a duke of hell with all the power that entails (if: (history:) contains "PlanarConquestWin2")[[[release them|PlanarSpouseChat3]] force them to send me [[home|PlanarSpouseForce]] ](elseif: (history:) contains "PlanarConquestLose")[they release you from your chains [["I never forgot you" they say|PlanarSpouseChat11]] ](else:)[[["I never forgot you" they say|PlanarSpouseChat11]]]

that's a thing you can do to demons they send you home but the look they give you will haunt you forever (if: $profane_count > 0)[but wait... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "spouse") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell and fought demons; one was your ex-spouse, who sent you home") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age surrounded by adoring family (but you never did quite get closure on that demonic spouse thing)") }

"I never forgot you" they say "...what are you here for?" "I'm here to [[rule hell|PlanarSpouseRuleHell]]" "I want to go [[home|PlanarSpouseHome]]"

they send you home willingly but the look they give you will haunt you forever (if: $profane_count > 0)[but wait... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "spouse") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell and fought demons; one was your ex-spouse, who sent you home") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age surrounded by adoring family (but you never did quite get closure on that demonic spouse thing)") }

"...[[with|PlanarSpouseHellWith]] me? or [[without|PlanarSpouseHellBinding]]?"

"...[[with|PlanarSpouseHomeWith]] me? or [[without|PlanarSpouseForce2]]?"

(set: $married to true)you've never seen someone so happy **you have regained the trait "married"** in a blast of sorcery the two of you return home between the two of you you'll make it work (if: $profane_count > 0)[but wait -- [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "spouse") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell and fought demons; one was your ex-spouse, and the two of you reunited") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age, surrounded by adoring (and variably demonic) family") }

(unless: (history:) contains "PlanarSpouseChatYes")[they're *so pleased* **you have regained the trait "married"** ]the two of you practice your maniacal laughs in harmony! it's a good start to your new career as a duke of hell **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $married to true) (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "conquest") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell, threw down your now-demonic spouse, then installed them as your second-in-command") (set: $death_sentence to "you and your spouse became a nightmare pair of fiends who struck fear into the hearts of mortals ...congratulations?") }

you bind your spouse with the power of hell! they're dragged away in chains while you practise your maniacal laugh it's pretty good! which is good since you're a duke of hell now **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: $Postmortem) ] (set: $planar_solution to "conquest") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell, met your now-demonic spouse, and overthrew them") (set: $death_sentence to "you installed yourself as a demon lord and became a creature of nightmare ...congratulations?") }

they look away "could you still love me... like this?" [[yes|PlanarSpouseChatYes]] [[no|PlanarSpouseChatNo]]

they're *so pleased!* "so... what now?" [[go home|PlanarSpouseHomeWith]] [[rule in hell|PlanarSpouseHellWith]]

"...thank you for being honest" with a gesture they banish you back to your home the look they give you will haunt you forever (if: $profane_count > 0)[but wait... [[a new threat?!?|SecretChapter]]](else:)[**your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem]] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $planar_solution to "spouse") (set: $planar_sentence to "you went to hell and fought demons; one was your ex-spouse, who sent you home when you rejected them") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age surrounded by adoring family loving, non-demonic family") }

its coming is heralded by (if: $profane_dracurilla)[a vampire gorilla, horribly twisted! (set: $profanethings to it + (dataset: "gorilla")) ](if: $profane_pirate)[a pirate ghost, gruesomely empowered! (set: $profanethings to it + (dataset: "pirate")) ](if: $profane_golem)[an iron golem, crudely engorged! (set: $profanethings to it + (dataset: "golem")) ](if: $profane_goblin)[a goblin demigod, unrecognisably warped! (set: $profanethings to it + (dataset: "goblin")) ](if: $profane_giant)[a three-headed frost giant(if: $profane_count > 1)[... much the same as you last saw him](else:)[!] (set: $profanethings to it + (dataset: "giant")) ]*'[[join|SCJoin]] me'* it whispers into your mind *'or [die]<d|'* { (click: ?d)[ (replace: ?d)[(text-style: "strike")[die] [[FIGHT|SC2Die]]] ] }

well that was simple not painless but simple **you have gained the trait "blackguard"** **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $blackguard to true) (set: $secret_solution to "joined") (set: $secret_sentence to "your forgotten god tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "you joined it, and were transformed") }

(if: $profanethings's length > 0)[you'll have to defeat the heralds! (if: $profanethings contains "gorilla")[[[the vampire gorilla|SC2gorilla]] ](if: $profanethings contains "pirate")[[[the pirate ghost|SC2ghost]] ](if: $profanethings contains "golem")[[[the golem|SC2golem]] ](if: $profanethings contains "goblin")[[[the goblin|SC2goblin]] ](if: $profanethings contains "giant")[[[the giant|SC2giant]] ] ](else:)[there are no heralds left hot damn [[*VICTORY*|SC2FuckYeah]]]

that's it the final threat you can retire now and live a long happy life **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $secret_solution to "VICTORY") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light -- but you defeated all its heralds and sent it packing") (set: $death_sentence to "you died of old age, surrounded by adoring family but your *legend* will never die!") }

(set: $goblin_cuts to 0)she's so deadly just standing near her cuts you! *ow* oh she's-- *ow* --right behind you. [[*ow*|SC2goblin2]]

(set: $goblin_cuts to it +1)(if: $goblin_cuts is 1)[you're bleeding from a few cuts](if: $goblin_cuts is 2)[you're bleeding a lot, now](if: $goblin_cuts is 3)[...so much blood oh wait (if: (history:) contains "SC2goblinStudy")[it's all yours but there! she's left [[an opening!|SC2goblinOpening]] ](else:)[it's all [[yours|SC2goblinDie]]]] (unless: $goblin_cuts is 3)[[[fight her|SC2goblinNope]] [[study her|SC2goblinStudy]] (if: (history:) contains "SC2goblinStudy")[wait for [[an opening|SC2goblinOpening]] ](if: $dracurilla_servant)[[[vampire gorillas|SC2goblinDG]] don't bleed ](if: $magical)[teleport away, [[blow her up|SC2goblinMagic]] from afar ](if: $wise)[[[out-heal|SC2goblinHealing]] her cutting]]

the world is doomed luckily **you have died** so you won't see how bad it gets |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $secret_solution to "death") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "you were bled to death by its goblin murder-herald") }

somewhere in there is the echo of what she was she's holding back! still [[kind of murdering you|SC2goblin2]], though

with one almighty (if: $strong)[stab](elseif: $magical)[spell](else:)[hammer-blow] you strike her down then you find a priest to heal your many, *many* cuts [[that's better|SC2Die]] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "goblin")) }

you let your vampire gorilla handle it it's [[close...|SC2goblinDG2]]

for just one moment you think you're going to have to deal with a vampire warped goblin demigod murder-herald but then the gorilla kills her [[thank every god|SC2goblinDG3]]

you find a priest to heal your many, *many* cuts but there's no way to repair the vampire gorilla **you are no longer "owner of a vampire gorilla"** [[oh well|SC2Die]] { (set: $dracurilla_servant to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "goblin")) }

you heal and heal and heal and heal and heal and every so often you get a hit in it's [[*exhausting*|SC2heal2]]

in the end it takes all your magic(set: $wise to false) but you finally wear her down she's [[dead|SC2Heal3]]

you find another priest to heal the few cuts you didn't manage (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but there's no time to rest [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but you've done it|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "goblin")) }

(if: $strong)[you hack and chop like you've never hacked or chopped before and finally [[she dies|SC2goblinNope2]]](else:)[your attacks have almost no effect! also, you get carved up [[ow|SC2goblin2]]]

you're burned out carved up (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but there's no time to rest [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but you've done it|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $strong to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "goblin")) }

you teleport! *voip* you rain down magical death! *zart* *zart* *ZART* ...it takes a [[lot of spells|SC2goblinMagic2]] to seal the deal

(if: $elfspell)[(set: $elfspell to false)you burned all the magic you gained from the elves](else:)[(set: $magical to false)you've used *all* of your spells] (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but there's no time to rest [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but you've done it|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "goblin")) }

long arms, forked and quick like lightning a maw of bloody teeth and rage so much rage but [[it must die|SC2gorilla2]]

it's a thing of primal violence [[fight it|SC2gorillaBadPlan]] (if: $magical)[[[sorcery it|SC2gorillaMagic]] ](if: $wise)[[[turn it|SC2gorillaTurn]] ](if: $goblin_queen)[[[an unexpected ally?|SC2gorillaGoblin]] ](if: $wolftamer)[[[drown it in wolves|SC2gorillaWolves]] ](if: $goblin_solution is "allies")[[[drown it in goblins|SC2gorillaGobbos]] ]

*WHUMM* your holy power banishes the undead thing wait didn't you get that power from $fgod? the power is stripped from you [[still won though|SC2Die]] { (set: $wise to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "gorilla")) }

(unless: $strong or $elfsword)[it tears you to pieces in seconds the world is doomed but luckily you'll never see how it ends **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $secret_solution to "death") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "you were ripped apart by a vampire gorilla killing machine") }](else:)[only you would see a thing of primordial violence and think [["I'll have that"|SC2gorillaBP2]]]

...and you do! (if: $elfsword)[(set: $elfsword to false)your sweet elf sword snapped off somewhere in its mess of ribs though](else:)[(set: $strong to false)it broke pretty much every bone you've got though] (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but there's no time to rest [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but you've done it|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "gorilla")) }

physical power versus (if: $elfspell)[an elven orb of destruction](else:)[the power of a mighty wizard] [[it's only going to end one way|SC2gorillaMagic2]]

you (if: $elfspell)[(set: $elfspell to false)burn out the orb](else:)[(set: $magical to false)have to use *every* spell] but you're pretty sure it's dead like 99% sure maybe 98% (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but there's no time to make sure [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[looks like it's [[close enough though|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "gorilla")) }

the goblin demigod from the dungeon! maybe the only thing more deadly than a mutant vampire gorilla backed by the power of $fgod "leave this to me" she says [[ok|SC2gorillaGoblin2]]

(set: $goblin_queen to false)it's a scene of appalling violence and at the end everyone is dead (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but there's no time to worry about that [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but you've done it|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "gorilla")) }

the dire wolves! a whole extended pack-family of them! the mutant vampire gorilla shreds them in seconds [[but|SC2gorillaWolves2]]

those seconds were enough for (if: strong)[you to carve it into dogfood](else:)[an apocalyptic spell] (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[no time to mourn the wolves [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[and that was enough|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $wolftamer to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "gorilla")) }

how many goblins does it take to exhaust a mutant vampire gorilla backed by the power of $fgod? all of them, it turns out [[*all* of them|SC2gorillaGobs2]]

no more goblins just a lake of blood with a dead gorilla slowly sinking into it (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[no time to rest [[another herald?!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[and that was enough|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $goblin_solution to "all dead") (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "gorilla")) }

it draws you into its warped nightmare world [[oh dear|SC2ghost2]]

the ghost strikes a mighty pose your soul is shaken! [[pose right back|SC2walkoff]] (if: $wise)[unleash [[divine power|SC2turnghost]] ](if: $elfspell)[unleash [[elf magic|SC2elfghost]] ](if: $mweapon)[[[just stab it|SC2stabghost]] ](else:)[[just stab it]<failstab|] { (click: ?failstab)[ (replace: ?failstab)[(text-style: "strike")[just stab it] nope -- it's immaterial!] ] }

*WHUMM* your holy power banishes the undead thing and restores normal reality wait didn't you get that power from $fgod in the first place? the power is stripped from you [[still did for the ghost though|SC2Die]] { (set: $wise to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "ghost")) }

the elves have a lot of spells for destroying undead they even work inside nightmare realms! *ZART* [[and that's the end of that|SC2Die]] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "ghost")) }

it wasn't expecting your (if: $elfsword)[sweet elf sword](else:)[magic knife]! you strike it dead but as the nightmare fades... it takes the (if: $elfsword)[sword](else:)[knife] with it! [[£$%&!!|SC2stabghost2]]

(if: $profanethings's length > 1)[no time to mourn your (if: $elfsword)[sword](else:)[knife] though [[another herald approaches!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but... that was enough|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $elfsword to false) (set: $mweapon to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "ghost")) }

a posing contest for the fate of the world! (if: $strong)[luckily a life of swinging swords and wearing armour has left you *buff as hell* you [[win|SC2walkoffWin]] handily](elseif: $married)["choose a judge" the ghost intones you pick your spouse *obviously* you [[win|SC2walkoffWin]] handily](elseif: $famous or $wealthy)[luckily a life of wealth and fame has taught you how to work your angles you barely scrape out a [[win|SC2walkoffWin]]](else:)[the ghost's poses wreck your soul! you just can't take it **you have died** and the world will follow your lead soon enough |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $secret_solution to "death") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "you were defeated in a nightmare realm by the soul-destroying poses of a pirate ghost") }]

the ghost is defeated it broods, photogenically (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to worry about that [[another herald approaches!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[but defeating it was [[all you needed to do|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "ghost")) }

it's... it's *huge* it's *ridiculously* huge it's so big you can't even think about it [[fight it anyway|SC2golemFight]] [[think about it anyway|SC2golemThink]] (if: $magical)[[[arcane destruction|SC2golemWizard]] ](if: $wise)[[summon the might of your god]<god| ] { (click: ?god)[ (replace: ?god)[(text-style: "strike")[summon the might of your god] nooooo, that's what got you into this mess] ] }

you cast spells at it for [hours]<hrs| { (click: ?hrs)[ (replace: ?hrs)[(text-style: "strike")[hours] [days]<days|] ] (click: ?days)[ (replace: ?days)[(text-style: "strike")[days] like, a *week* finally [[it falls over|SC2golemWizard2]]] ] }

it took *all* your spells (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to rest [[another herald!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[but it was enough|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $magical to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "golem")) }

(if: $strong)[you take your biggest hammer and [[get to work|SC2golemFightStrong]]](else:)[it steps on you **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (set: $secret_solution to "death") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "a golem of size beyond comprehension stepped on you") }]

it takes a very *very* long time but eventually you hit it enough that it stops moving you are *knackered* (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to rest [[another herald!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[but you've done [[enough|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $strong to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "golem")) }

you think about how big it is you *stretch* your mind ...and [[everything goes a bit wobbly|SC2golemThink2]]

it's so huge that thinking of it all at once caused it to be sucked through a hole in space-time? along with your mind **your adventure is over** |pm>[postmortem] (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[{ (set: $death_sentence to "you tried to comprehend a golem of size incomprehensible and fell into a space-time rift") } ](else:)[(you totally saved the world, though){ (set: $death_sentence to "you tried to comprehend a golem of size incomprehensible and fell into a space-time rift but it was the final herald, so... you won?") }] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "golem")) (set: $secret_solution to "madness") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] }

"YOU!" he's not happy to see you [[fight|SC2giantFight]] [[apologise|SC2giantSorry]] (if: $glib)[[[lie like a rug|SC2giantGlib]]]

you talk fast and turn his heads against one another! [[the results aren't pretty|SC2giantGlib2]]

(if: $profanethings's length > 1)[that was easy [[which one next?|SC2Die]] ](else:)[that was a bit of an [[anticlimax|SC2Die]], really ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "giant")) }

the two of you get talking turns out you both kind of like the world the way it is the giant gives up heralding! (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[on to [[the next one|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[and that's that|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "giant")) }

he's got a huge axe! and three heads! and he's *really angry* go [[one-on-one|SC2giantFight2]] in melee (if: $magical or $wise)[use [[magic|SC2giantFightMagic]] ](if: $goblin_queen or $wolftamer or $dracurilla_servant)[get help from [[a powerful ally|SC2giantAlly]] ](if: $wealthy)[[[buy him off|SC2giantMoney]] ]

he's coming for you fast you've only got time for one spell! you cast[... |mc>[*mind crush*] (if: $elfspell)[|eec>[*Ebenezer's egregious cataclysm*] ]|pax>[*protection from axes*] (if: $magical)[|qmcd>[*quickened maximised chain deathray*] ]|cdh>[*cold day in hell*] (if: $wise)[|sr>[*super-regeneration*] ]]<hook| { (click: ?pax)[ (replace: ?hook)[ *protection from axes!* his axe bounces off! so he grabs you and folds you into a tiny ball with his bare hands **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] ] (click: ?cdh)[ (replace: ?hook)[ *cold day in hell!* but he's a frost giant! the cold doesn't bother him! he grabs you and folds you into a tiny ball **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] ] (click: ?mc)[ (replace: ?hook)[ *mind crush!* but he's got three heads! so all that happens is one feels really bad while the others use his hands to fold you into a tiny ball **you have died** |pm>[postmortem]] ] (click: ?qmcd)[ (replace: ?hook)[ *quickened maximised chain deathray!* when the deadly lasers have stopped you can't help but feel that just one maximised deathray would have done the trick [[so much for that guy|SC2giantFightMagicWin]]] ] (click: ?eec)[ (replace: ?hook)[ *Ebenezer's egregious cataclysm!* for those times when you wonder if overkill is even possible like now spoilers: it is, and [[it was|SC2giantFightMagicWin]]] ] (click: ?sr)[ (replace: ?hook)[ *super-regeneration!* freed from concerns about blood loss (limb loss, head loss...) you can take your time [[finishing him off|SC2giantFightMagicWin]] (it's proper messy though; severed bits of you *everywhere*)] ] }{ (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $secret_solution to "death") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "you were killed by a very angry three-headed giant") }

that was close! (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to rest [[another herald!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[but it's [[enough|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "giant")) }

nothing soothes a savage giant like a pile of gold big enough to hide him from view you nearly leave a hole he can peek through! but at the last minute you stick a magic ring in there instead you've got, like, twenty of those [[problem solved!|SC2giantMoney2]]

**you are no longer "wealthy"** (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to regenerate your wealth [[another herald!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[[[was that it?|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $wealthy to false) (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "giant")) }

(if: $goblin_queen and $wolftamer and $dracurilla_servant)[you command your vampire gorilla to attack! it's joined by that goblin demigod! and a whole heap of dire wolves! you don't even have to lift a finger, really ](elseif: $goblin_queen and $wolftamer)[the goblin demigod arrives to stab up the giant! and there's a whole heap of dire wolves! it's... very violent bits of giant all over the place ](elseif: $goblin_queen and $dracurilla_servant)[you command your vampire gorilla to attack! it's joined by that goblin demigod! it's... very violent bits of giant all over the place no, vampire gorilla! stop eating that giant! ](elseif: $dracurilla_servant and $wolftamer)[you command your vampire gorilla to attack! suddenly! there's a whole heap of dire wolves! the giant is... mostly eaten ew ](elseif: $goblin_queen)[the goblin demigod arrives to stab up the giant! it's... very violent bits of giant all over the place ](elseif: $wolftamer)[suddenly! there's a whole heap of dire wolves! while the giant's busy with them you kill him ](elseif: $dracurilla_servant)[you command your vampire gorilla to attack! while the giant's busy with that you kill him ] (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to congratulate yourself [[another herald!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[nice [[I... think we're done?|SC2Die]] ] { (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "giant")) }

(if: $strong)[a titanic clash! which you win (if: $profanethings's length > 1)[but no time to rest [[another herald!|SC2Die]] ](else:)[that was [[anticlimactic|SC2Die]] ]{ (set: $profanethings to it - (dataset: "giant")) } ](else:)[he smashes you to paste **you have died** |pm>[postmortem] { (click: ?pm)[ (goto: "Postmortem") ] (set: $secret_solution to "death") (set: $secret_sentence to "$fgod tried to consume all life and light") (set: $death_sentence to "you were killed by a very angry three-headed giant") }]

you suspect this plague was of [[magical|ElvesFindCultist0]] origin!

you keep an eye out for suspicious spellcasters [[there goes one now!|ElvesFindCultist]]