Famous Baby

<h1>FAMOUS BABY</h1> [[Start Game->Day]] [[Credits]] (set: $day to 1)

Game and cover art by N.C. Kerklaan Testing by S. Stecewicz and Kyle "Jastrick" Made with Twine 2.0.10 [[Back->menu]]

You wake up just as the sun is setting. Still a few hours before you have to go to work. What would you like to do? [[Go back to sleep]] [[Eat]] [[Shit]] [[Piss]]

You curl up in your crib and are asleep again in seconds. You dream about (either: "bugs", "knives", "birds", "hepatitis", "Jerry Garcia", "Columbus", "dust", "your microwave", "old women", "an endless desert", "bubble gum", "being trapped in a glass cube", "swallowing pennies", "your bones screaming", "a mouth opening up in your neck", "a man in black pajamas"). You are awakened by your maid, who has dutifully left you just long enough that you will not be late. She lifts you out of your crib and dresses you. "(either: "I haven't seen my husband in months", "You have nice skin tone", "My tax dollars at work", "The Gap uses sweatshop labour", "I prefer buttons to zippers", "Life begins at conception", "9/11 was an inside job", "If I had your ankles, I'd kill myself")," she says. [[Go to work->Onstage]]

You ring the bell beside your crib and your maid comes and lifts you up. She places you in your high chair and feeds you (either: "pablum", "warm milk", "mashed carrots", "formula", "alphabet soup", "leftover Chinese food"). "(either: "That's some nice swallowing", "This is low-fat", "You should think about Atkins", "My husband won't let me eat this", "It's good we can both pretend to enjoy these moments", "I'm allergic to OxyContin", "I can't read", "I'm really getting into Eastern religion", "I don't know if this is edible and, frankly, I don't care")", she says. [[Go to work->Onstage]]

You ring the bell beside your crib and your maid comes, lifts you up and takes you to your potty. (either: "But you don't even make it there; you shit all over the floor instead.", "You shit quickly, but painfully.", "You shit for over an hour.", "Your shit is wet and runny.", "Your shit smells a lot worse than it usually does.") "(either: "Now that's what I call regular", "My horoscope said this would happen", "Nobody likes a show-off", "I feel like I've learned something about you today", "Just like that song", "I want a raise", "I'm learning to play the accordion", "Steely Dan is underrated", "I don't remember 1991")," says your maid. [[Go to work->Onstage]]

You ring the bell beside your crib, and your maid comes, lifts you up and carries you to your potty. (either: "But you can't hold it in, and you end up dribbling piss the whole way there.", "Your piss shoots out of you like a bullet from a gun.", "Your piss is garishly yellow.", "You piss for a really long time.") "(either: "It's not like I planned anything better for my life", "I saw this on CNN", "It's a multi-step process", "I have to renew my driver's license", "Sometimes I doubt your sincerity", "Ireland is the land of poets and scholars", "They have male birth control now")," says your maid. [[Go to work->Onstage]]

You are onstage. Through the bars of your crib you can see the crowd, their faces erased by darkness and cigarette smoke. They are silent.(set: $crowd_state to 3)(set: $time_limit to $day + 4)(set: $current_time to 0) [[Perform]]

(set: $current_time to $current_time +1)(set: $perform_list to (a: "Goo goo ga ga", "Me want bottle", "Me make boomboom", "Waaaaaaaaa", "Ma-ma", "Da-da", "Me make weewee"))You say: "(either: ...$perform_list)!"(set: $crowd_reaction to (either: 1, 2, 3))(if: $crowd_reaction < 3)[(set: $crowd_state to $crowd_state - 1)](elseif: $crowd_reaction is 3)[(set:$crowd_state to $crowd_state +1)](if: $crowd_state > 6)[(set: $crowd_state to 6)] (if: $crowd_state is 6)[The crowd applauds.](elseif: $crowd_state is 5)[The crowd laughs.](elseif: $crowd_state is 4)[The crowd chuckles.](elseif: $crowd_state is 3)[The crowd is silent.](elseif: $crowd_state is 2)[The crowd groans.](elseif: $crowd_state is 1)[The crowd boos.](elseif: $crowd_state is 0)[[[The crowd gets up and walks out.->Death]]] (if: $crowd_state > 0)[(if: $current_time is $time_limit)[(set: $day to $day + 1)[[Your set is over. The crowd goes home.->Day]]](else:)[[[Perform]]]]

[[Your body is found in a ditch outside town.->Postmortem]]

You made it to Day $day.(set: $day to 1) [[Play again?->Day]]